Saturday, May 21, 2005

Thanagar rules. Rann? Not so much.

The comic bloggers of Earth-1 have been pressured to take sides in the ongoing Rann/Thanagar War, and I am no exception. After 30 seconds of careful consideration, I have decided to throw my support behind the hawk-winged fascists of Thanagar. Why?

Because Rann sucks.

Bigger and better geeks than I have made the argument for Thanagarian superiority. Thanagar has Nth Metal and the Absorbascon. Rann does not. Thanagar exports heroes to other planets. Rann's only hero is from Earth. Thanagar is a society that values order at all costs, enforced by their jack-booted winged secret police. Rann values xenophobia and cowardice. Thanagarians know how to dress and take care of their hair. On Rann, that's just not a priority.

The Rann/Thanagar War (BTW, on Thanagar they don't even call it a war, it's known as the Rann/Thanagar Police Action) reminds me a lot of the Peloponnesian War. Rann is ancient Athens at its most fickle and capricious, whereas Thanagar is ancient Sparta, a stratified warrior culture that values martial prowess and victory - and we all know how the Peloponnesian War turned out, don't we?*

Plus, check out the picture above. How many people dress up like Adam Strange for conventions? Answer: none. You'd dress up and even among your fellow geeks nobody would even know who you were supposed to be.

Plus, my favorite Hawk-man is solidly behind Thanagar:

I don't think I need to go on. Thanagar rules, and victory is assured. Back the winning team.


*Sparta kicked Athens' ass.


Anonymous said...

Way to represent for the Hawks

Scipio said...

Hawk-a! Welcome, Dave!

And, by the way, you don't happened to have THOSE GUY'S PHONE NUMBERS?

Yeesh! Maybe being a Rannie and being conquered by THOSE guys would be so bad after all...

G. Bob said...

Hey, I'm like frickin' switzerland when it comes to the war but I have to stick up for the underdog here.

Rann has a couple of things going for it over Thanagar. The first is that they at least give their protectors something a little better than a big stick with spikes on it to fight with. If I was joining a space army, this would play a big part in my choice. Do I want a jet pack and laser pistol or would I like some feathers and a mace?

The bigger reason is if a society is worth fighting for. Now, I'm not going to judge alien cultures, but Rann's policy of wearing shirts would make them a nicer planet. Oh, sure. Hawkman and Hawkgirl look fine bare chested, but you just know that every time you go to a movie on Thanagar you'ld be sitting next to some fat sweaty guy wearing only a leather harness. No thank you. Give me the planet that invented shirt technology.

Ian said...

But...but...on Rann clouds friggin' hit people! That's never not cool. When has a cloud hit someone on Thanagar? As far as I know: none. That means that cloud abuse goes on all day and no one can stop it. Rann has put such barbarism behind them.

Duncan said...

Plus Alanna is so totally hot.

This blog is the Andrew WK of blogs.

Greg said...

I personally would consider being the Andrew WK of blogs an insult, but I doubt if that's the way it was meant.

Okay, first: if these two societies were on Earth (good comparison to Athens/Sparta, by the way), we would admire Rann more. Why? Because they're freakin' FASCISTS on Thanagar! I guess we should admire Mussolini's Italy too, right? And those Spartans - sure they kicked Athens' ass, but we all remember Pericles and Thucydides and even Alcibiades (however the hell you spell it). Name one Spartan great! (Okay, Leonides, but that's from a different time.) The Rannians may be wusses, but they never invaded Earth, for God's sake!

And that guy in the picture - that girl is totally his beard. Thanagarian policemen are the eighth (or ninth?) members of the Village People. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but they should just come out of the closet already! As long as they deny it, they will not be cooler than Rann.

David Campbell said...

A couple points:

Shirts: out. Chest harnesses: in.

On Thanagar, clouds are for flying through, not hitting people.

I always thought of myself as the Ronnie James Dio of blogs, but if I'm Andrew WK, so be it.

Adam Strange is Rann's Alcibiades; take him out of the picture and Rann folds like a lawnchair. And Greg, I think we have a different definition of fascism. Thanagar is just an orderly society ruled by an unaccountable elite where any dissident thought or violations of the law is dealt with severely by a repressive secret police force. I just call that a Draconian police state; if you want to call that fascist, go ahead, Rann lover! (Insert winky face here)


Martin said...

Let me elucidate the point you make: You claim Rann's only hero is from Earth. Adam Strange, right? True, Rann only has the one hero. Thanagar has lots of heroes, I am sure.
Can they take out Adam Strange? Can they heck. This one guy could hold Thanagar at bay for weeks with a jet-pack, laser pistol, hard-light armour and weapons, and sheer Balls.
Also, I don't see Thanagar working that Zeta Beam.
And the animated Thanagarians are practically Vogons!
The previous sentence is too nerdy to live. I apologise for it.

Rann rules. Thanagar, I point out to you, has already exploded.

Shirts. Jetpacks. Lasers. Zeta Beams. Adam Strange. Alanna. Democracy. Philosophy. Virtue. Fine Cuisine. The points have already been made.

Rann has already won, because Thanagar doesn't know squat about the finer things.

They're probably being run by that Onimar Synn guy again. I figured watching Hawkman kiss wouldn't be enough to kill him.

Anonymous said...

Classical history geek quibble time:

"Sparta kicked Athens' ass"

Actually, Athens pretty much kicked its own ass. (cf. invasion of Syracuse)

Also, the Spartan victory was a pyrrhic one, as they were in little better shape than Athens, and both former powers fell to obscurity as Thebes rose to power.

Thebes was later conquered by Philip of Macedon, whose son then taught the world a little something about ass-kicking.

/switch geek mode

Thanagar all the way baby.

mike loughlin said...

There seems to be a misconception about Thanagarian technology. Thanagar has lasers and armor and stuff (cf. Hawkworld). They just prefer to take their spikey balls and beat the crap out of people.

Dave, verily, your blog is a rainbow in the dark.

David Campbell said...

OK, Anonymous, perhaps I was oversimplifying with the whole "Sparta kicked Athens' ass" thing, but such nuanced interpretations of history did little to support my crude Athens = Rann analogy, so I'm sticking to my guns.

Go Thanagar!

Anonymous said...

You don't get guns you just get a mace.

David Campbell said...

...I'm sticking to my mace.

Anonymous said...

A lot of people in the space community have lasers. I guess the prospect of using a mace is growing on me.

Robby Reed said...

When did brawn ever win a war? Go with brains over brawn! Today on Dial B for BLOG, you'll find two special "RANN VICTORY BANNERS." Download these banners and declare yourself! Victory to RANN!

Dial B for BLOG

Anonymous said...

Uh... I think Superman has proven that super brawn beats brains.

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