Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Cough syrup with codeine is a wicked mistress.
I slipped into a micro-coma last night after a few teaspoons of "Canadian cough syrup" as we call it here in the sunny Northwest, and as a result I was unable to do my planned review/mockery of Greg Horn's J.U.D.G.E., which we'll get to tomorrow.
Today we'll just take a quick look at a dangerously misleading ad from Aurora toys, who want young minds to believe that all their wilderness survival needs will be taken care of by the Ready Ranger Omni-Pack, which has more gadgets than Batman's utility belt. No shark repellant, though.
This comic ad features the Ready Rangers, three stupid white kids who get cut off from civilization by a rock slide when they're off hiking in the wilderness by themselves. They have either forgotten to tell any adults where they were going, or they are neglected latch key kids whose absence won't be noticed by their workaholic or stoned parents - either way, these kids are on their own. Instead of food and water, the kids have their Ready Ranger Mobile Field Pack. One of the stupid fucking kids locates the North Star with the Starfinder -- you know, so they can know which way north is while they freeze to death. I think a compass would have taken up less room than the Starfinder, but what do I know? Another dumb-ass kid yells into a plastic "megaphone" for help - in case any rescue parties are twenty feet away. Finally, the lookout tower spots their Ready Ranger Signal Light and a helicopter is dispatched to winch the kids up to safety, costing tax payers thousands and thousands of dollars.
I say let nature take its course and let the strong and non-stupid survive.
All right, next post: J.U.D.G.E.!