Thursday, October 06, 2005


Honestly, I Bought It For A Quarter Week continues with a look at a Truly Awful Comic Book.

This is going to be a short post. There are three reasons why:

1) I watched Ong Bak last night. After that beautiful symphony of knee-strikes and elbow slams, any martial arts material is going to seem weak by comparison – particularly a comic book.

2) This comic book is so awful that writing a long post about it merely prolongs its existence in our collective pop cultural landscape. Talking about it is like watering an ugly, ugly flower.

3) I went to bed late. Then two raccoons got in a fight outside last night, and I had a hard time getting back to sleep after that. Have you ever heard raccoons fight? They fight to the death, man. It sounded like somebody was butchering a tauntaun outside my bedroom window. I broke it up, and the little fuckers scrambled up some fir trees, but I could hear them talking shit to each other in their native tongue – Hamburglar - for an hour after the fight.

So anyway, short post.

Has there ever been a comic book adaptation of a film that was actually better than the film itself? You would think that an adaptation of Street Fighter, that shittiest of movies, that sad coda to Raul Julia’s career, would have a chance at surpassing the source material in terms of quality – but you’d be wrong. Impossibly, this comic suffers in comparison with the film.

It’s got to be tough, writing and drawing a comic based on a movie. I should do a whole week on comic books based on movies – God knows I have enough of the damn things. I don’t envy anyone who has to put together a movie adaptation – it sounds like joyless drudge work to me.

Having said that, this comic sucks. It tries to pack all the witty dialogue and plot points of Street Fighter: The Motion Picture, which has a pretty big cast and a storyline that is more complicated than the original source material, the Street Fighter video game. So let’s see: this is a comic produced in 1995, adapting a Jean Claude Van Damme film, which was in turn based on a video game.

How could it not suck?

The art – oh, Christ help me, the art. Everyone in this comic book looks like they’re taking a shit, or they’ve been dosed with Smilex*, or they’re turning into hideous Dr. Moreau pig-men. I’m not an expert, but I think the goal in movie adaptations is to have the characters actually resemble the actors in the film. Unless there was another Street Fighter movie made with ugly Muppets, I’d say the artist failed bitterly in that regard.

Who wrote this thing? Who was the artist? Does it matter? I don’t want to beat anybody up here – I just want to get a few cheap gags in. It is the way of my people.

Anyway, the art. Here’s General Bison, who was portrayed in the film by the fine actor Raul Julia. I don’t remember any scenes in the movie where Raul Julia passes a kidney stone, but then I think I saw the edited-for-TV version on TBS:

And here are two really ugly guys looking surprised or aroused or something. What is up with the guy on the left’s neck? I’m hoping that’s a coloring mistake and he’s supposed to be wearing a scarf or something, because that is one freaky-ass neck he’s got there:

Next up, here’s um, Howie Long? I think maybe this is supposed to be Jean Claude, the Muscles from Brussels, but I only know that because I read the comic:

Yeah, hey what about the purity of unarmed combat? And saying "ma'am" and "sir" when addressing your elders?

Here we have a Gallery of Grimaces, Street Fighter style. The artist on this comic has the unique talent of making the same character look different from panel to panel. Here are three images of Jean Claude Van Damme’s character, Guile:

Okay, I’m just messing around. The guy in the middle is No-Eyed Pig Man, not Jean Claude.

I’m fading fast; let’s wrap this up with another quality panel of Raul Julia:

This comic book is so bad that I want to burn it, but I’m afraid that the toxic smoke from the fire will ruin a sunset or poison something beautiful, like a butterfly. There should be a special airless chamber at the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste disposal site where comics this bad can be safely interred until we find a way to dispose of them.

Street Fighter: so bad it gets a special Blindfolded Pain Award.

Hey, that was a longer post than I thought! Take that, you fucking raccoons!

* I think I may have used the Smilex joke before. Sorry.


kyyle23 said...

I just about spilled my coffee when you mentioned the racoon fight, close cousin to a tomcat fight in creepiness and all around noise. And their language is Hamburglar? Priceless.

I think the art in the SF comic was done by fingerless nuclear mutants residing in western Russia. Did the artist use a pen-name?

Shon Richards said...

With art like that, I am dying to see what Cami or Chun Li looked like.

Anonymous said...

IIRC, the book was drawn by Nick Napolitano, who earlier that year had drawn another video game tie-in, Vortex, for the Electro Brian SNES title. I got it as a freebie and held onto it for years, amazed at its badness and the fact that I never say the game anywhere.

Napolitano works as a letterer for DC these days.

Street Fighter the movie is truly awesome in its "What the hell were they thinking?" badness. It's like the writer/director, Steven DeSouza, was picking up signals from another planet. The only nice thing about it is it's got Ming Na as Chun Li, but she's actually hotter now than she was 11 years ago.

Van Damme has a line that I had to rewind the movie three times to understand properly: "I aaaaam darepomannn. An Yew Awr da biznizzz!"

Raul Julia was clearly very sick too (IIRC, he died of AIDS a few months before the film's release). It's really depressing to watch him ham it up, but he, unlike the other actors, at least knows he's in a piece of crap and adjusts accordingly.

I don't think DeSouza has directed a film since.

Anonymous said...

Raúl Juliá did not died from AIDS, he was diagnosed from cancer and a year later suffered a stroke and fell into a coma.


Anonymous said...

Hmmm, I guess I was wrong. I had heard that cancer was actually a cover story.

A few more words about movie adaptations: The Jones/Garcia Daredevil actually made more sense than the movie, since it had the Coolio subplot that leads to the arrest of the Kingpin (it's restored in the director's cut).

The Macchio/Sienkewicz Dune is pretty boss, I thought.

The Roy Thomas/Howard Chaykin Star Wars I read recently, and I thought it was rather crappy. "Lo, the Moons of Yavin!" Uh, okay.

I've heard good things about the Veitch/Bissette 1941 and the Goodwin/Simonson Alien, both of which are sadly out of print.

In 1991 Gregory Wright and Klaus Janson did a wonky Terminator 2, which had a very fat Arnold.

Anyone else own any adaptations?

Edward Liu said...

Steven DeSouza is due to direct again soon, it seems, but in the meantime he was writing movies, like Judge Dredd and the 2nd Tomb Raider movie.

It also looks like he was a producer for the kind of short-lived "Cadillacs & Dinosaurs" cartoon that was at least a decent try and didn't dumb down the material too much for the kidsels.

Maybe we can get him to direct a superhero film written by Sam Hamm and Akiva Goldsman so it'll be the crappiest craptacular crapfest of crappy crap EVAR!!

David Campbell said...

You know, the Spider-Man 2 adaption was okay - it had Aland Davis art, which is never bad.

Anonymous said...

I've never quite understood the appeal of comic book movie adaptations in the first place. Why would I want to read a comic book adaptation of something I could just see in theaters or on video, and have it almost certainly work better in its original medium?

That said, the Denny O'Neil comic book adaptation of the first Tim Burton Batman movie was pretty alright, and I totally loved the Star Wars adaptations that were released around the time of the special editions. I think they were new adaptations and not reprints of the 70's Marvel series, but I'm not too certain on that one. The adaptations of the Timm Batman films, like Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, tended to be pretty OK too.

By the way, don't let this bad Street Fighter comic book dissuade you from picking up the supremely awesome UDON series, soon to be relaunched as Street Fighter II. It's the antidote to the modern-day comic blues: plenty of brutal and beatifully-done fights, unpretentious plotting, plenty of goofy moments and more than little Boob War. It's a blast.

Anonymous said...

The Smilex (or is it Smylex?) gag was awesome.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Ong Bak has some great martial arts.

Anonymous said...

Oh, hell yes: Ong Bak

Anonymous said...

I was talking to the artist who did the Batman Begins adaptation for DC at San Diego this year. He talked about what a pain it was because every page had to be sent to the actors for approval and if they didn't like the way they were drawn, he had to redraw it. Apparently Morgan Freeman was particularly nit-picky.

So, I'm guessing Raul Julia and Jean-Claude Van Damme didn't have such clauses in their contracts.

Also, this movie always makes me sad because it was Raul Julia's last film. He did it because his kids were fans of the game and thought it would be cool for their dad to be M. Bison. Now, this is what they have to remember him. "Wow... we soiled our father's career forever..."

gwalla said...

Raccoons are damned freaky animals

Edward Liu said...

"Apparently Morgan Freeman was particularly nit-picky."

Yeah, what a pain! Who cares if Lucius Fox got turned into a young, blond, white teenaged girl with big boobs and a navel ring named "Luscious Fox" in the movie adaptation anyway? Damn actors.

The question is, did they submit their criticisms IN CHARACTER?

Edward Liu said...

The girl's name was "Luscious Fox."

Not the navel ring.

Damn nit-pickers.

thekelvingreen said...

We don't have raccoons in my native land, so the first time I heard them fighting over the bins out back, it was quite strange. They are loud little buggers.

That's funny about Morgan Freeman, as he was prominently featured as a Judge in a Judge Dredd story last year, presumably without any approval whatsoever.

Somewhere I have the Masters of the Universe film adaptation. In an interesting move, it's only the new characters introduced in the film (and Beastman) that are done in the movie style; He-Man, Man-at-Arms, Skeletor and the rest of the gang are all drawn to resemble the animated versions. Seeing the normally-ineffectual cartoon Skeletor actually winning and subjugating humanity is quite unsettling in a way that the film tried but failed to put across. Gwildor is still moronic though.

Anyone remember the creative team on that? It had generic 80's Marvel art, as I remember.

Marionette said...

Has there ever been a comic book adaptation of a film that was actually better than the film itself?

Mike Kaluta's adaptation of the Shadow movie. Somehow it manages to remain true to the movie story and yet make it not suck.

William said...

The Simonson Alien adaptataion was pretty good, but you could tell it was written and drawn using stills from the movie (a few scenes were slightly misinterpreted visually). And then Byrne and Clairmont used it as a template for X-men #143 (IIRC).

Winterteeth said...

First off, did anyone catch that Charlie's dad made Smilex brand toothpaste in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? I thought that was a neat nod to his earlier work from Burton.

I agree on the original Batman adaptation, a pretty good read.

I cannot recall the creative teams but some standout adaptations are Robocop (it was black and white and I read that about 90 times the year I bought it), Blade Runner (from Marvel, but I forget which ending they went with) and the Dark Crystal comics somehow managed to freak me out more than the movie. Good work scarring me there, Henson.

As an aside, Frank Miller and Walt Simonson's Robocop vs. Terminator mini was awesome. Just had to be said.

Tycho B. said...

My worship of Arthur C. Clarke began with the Marvel comics 2001 movie adaptation, which at 8 years old I thought was cool as shit.

I made the mistake of giving it back to the friend I borrowed it from. I guess I could have told him it was eaten by raccoons.

thekelvingreen said...

The running theme seems to be that if Simonson does the adaptation, it's good stuff.

Anonymous said...

"The Roy Thomas/Howard Chaykin Star Wars I read recently, and I thought it was rather crappy. "Lo, the Moons of Yavin!" Uh, okay."

Well, yeah, but I still have a soft spot for that one because it's like the only place you can see what the deleted scenes look like :)


Anonymous said...

The Marvel Buckaroo Banzai SHOULD have been the greatest movie adaption of all time, but not because of the adaptation...because it said there were going to be further adventures. How dare they raised my hopes like that. Go Moonstone!

Topps' Dracula was pretty good, and their X-Files adaptations were hit or miss....some of them were VERY good.

I treasure my Dell Doctor Who and the it framed on my wall.

And then there's Last Starfighter, which was too unairwolfery for words.

Winterteeth said...

Now, on Capitol Records, for a limited time...The Original Cast recording of Street Fighter: The Musical. Hear "Balrog's Lament" and "You Can Take That To The Blanka" in stereo quality, high-fidelity sound.

Who can forget where they were when they first heard "Shuriken: Love Theme of Ken and Ryu" ? Now, invite your ears on holiday and let your tympanic membrane escape to a world of pure pleasure as you play the Beach Boys-inspired "Little E. Honda" as well as "Say You, Say Me...Chun Li" in the privacy of your own home.

Act now and get Al Jolsen's rendition of "Cammy" on 8 track. Supplies won't last, so order now.

Zangief says, "Look for the CD with me on the cover!"

thekelvingreen said...

"Love Theme of Ken and Ryu"


Anonymous said...

Aw, come on, any movie that featured a John Wayne Gacy clown portrait of General Guile can't be all bad. It's the perfect movie for TBS to show at 2:00 am.

I heard the "Cancer as AIDS cover story" fable about Graham Chapman, and I called bullshit on it then too.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you can get the Atari folks to let you bury Street Fighter in their E.T. cartridge landfill.

Chris Sims said...

Admittedly, I haven't read it since I was a kid, but I remember really liking the Rocketeer adaptation.

Twelve Year Old Chris really dug the Bettie Page scene.

Winterteeth said...

And the Legendary Chris Sims of Heroes and Dragons joins us! From a former customer and fan, a tip of the hat to you, sir.

gwalla said...

winterteeth: "Al Jolson's rendition of 'Cammy'" You win the Internets, good sir.

chris sims: Actually, you're probably thinking of the original Rocketeer comic that the movie was based off of. In that, Secord's girlfriend was clearly meant to be a Betty Page analogue. There was no Bettie Page scene in the movie adaptation comic, which was entertaining but not fantastic.

J said...

That first Bison picture is actually a photograph of noted right-winger Charles Krauthammer (who has a pretty awesome comic book name in his own right), isn't it?

Ken said...

The art looks like somebody trying to do a combination of Ditko, Herb Trimpe, and something really awful. Like worse than Mark Badger awful.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading the Marvel Star Wars reprit tombs from Marvel and, well, the Thomas/Chaykin Star Wars adaptation is pretty bad. Now the Goodwin/Williamson Empire Strikes Back adaptation... that's pure gold. I havn't gotten to the volume with Jedi yet.

I used to love love love comic book adaptations as a kid. The 1990 Total Recall adaptation (with art by Tom Lyle... talk about pig noses!)was a favourite. I didn't actually see the film until 2001.

And the Rocketeer one was pretty damn smooth.

Tycho B. said...

Bad news, Graig. Marvel's JEDI adaptation isn't included in the Dark Horse reprints, because it wasn't part of the ongoing STAR WARS comic series, but was published as a separate mini-series. If you want the Jedi, you've got to hunt down the issues on eBay.

Anonymous said...

Ah damnit!
Thanks for the info Tycho. The only volume of the Dark Horse reprints I don't have it the one that *should* have the Jedi adaptation (and so far I've bought all these "$30" volumes for under $10 each.)

I think I have the first Dark Horse reprints of the adaptations from when the Special Editions came out in '97

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, Dark Horse reprinted Jedi at least three times that I can in a two-issue prestige format series, one collection at the time the movie rereleases came out (with a Yoda-face cover from the poster art) and one more when the special edition came out (Leia's face on the cover with a Rancor scene underneath)

Angry Android said...

Mad props to the Topps' Dracula comics adaptation (done by Mike Mignolia), but I gotta say one of the best adaptations of a movie has to be Art Adam's verision of "Creature From the Black Lagoon."

Ong Bak was pretty Airwolf. I bet he could take out a team of racoons.

Anonymous said...

That picture of chicken Charles Krauthammer with a beer can up his ass will haunt me for the rest of my life. But at least it replaced this post in my headspace.

Anonymous said...

Holy Hannah, I forgot Mignola did that Dracula adaptation. The art was incredibly Airwolf.

Anonymous said...



A片,色情,成人,做愛,情色文學,A片下載,色情遊戲,色情影片,色情聊天室,情色電影,免費視訊,免費視訊聊天,免費視訊聊天室,一葉情貼圖片區,情色,情色視訊,免費成人影片,視訊交友,視訊聊天,視訊聊天室,言情小說,愛情小說,AIO,AV片,A漫,av dvd,聊天室,自拍,情色論壇,視訊美女,AV成人網,色情A片,SEX





Anonymous said...

^^ nice blog!! ^@^

徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 感情挽回, 婚姻挽回, 挽回婚姻, 挽回感情, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信, 捉姦, 徵信公司, 通姦, 通姦罪, 抓姦, 抓猴, 捉猴, 捉姦, 監聽, 調查跟蹤, 反跟蹤, 外遇問題, 徵信, 捉姦, 女人徵信, 女子徵信, 外遇問題, 女子徵信, 徵信社, 外遇, 徵信公司, 徵信網, 外遇蒐證, 抓姦, 抓猴, 捉猴, 調查跟蹤, 反跟蹤, 感情挽回, 挽回感情, 婚姻挽回, 挽回婚姻, 外遇沖開, 抓姦, 女子徵信, 外遇蒐證, 外遇, 通姦, 通姦罪, 贍養費, 徵信, 徵信社, 抓姦, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信公司, 女人徵信, 外遇

徵信, 徵信網, 徵信社, 徵信網, 外遇, 徵信, 徵信社, 抓姦, 徵信, 女人徵信, 徵信社, 女人徵信社, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 女人徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社,

徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 外遇, 抓姦, 離婚, 外遇,離婚,

徵信, 外遇, 離婚, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信社, 征信, 征信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 征信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦

Anonymous said...

豆豆聊天室 aio交友愛情館 2008真情寫真 2009真情寫真 aa片免費看 捷克論壇 微風論壇 大眾論壇 plus論壇 080視訊聊天室 情色視訊交友90739 美女交友-成人聊天室 色情小說 做愛成人圖片區 豆豆色情聊天室 080豆豆聊天室 小辣妹影音交友網 台中情人聊天室 桃園星願聊天室 高雄網友聊天室 新中台灣聊天室 中部網友聊天室 嘉義之光聊天室 基隆海岸聊天室 中壢網友聊天室 南台灣聊天室 南部聊坊聊天室 台南不夜城聊天室 南部網友聊天室 屏東網友聊天室 台南網友聊天室 屏東聊坊聊天室 雲林網友聊天室 大學生BBS聊天室 網路學院聊天室 屏東夜語聊天室 孤男寡女聊天室 一網情深聊天室 心靈饗宴聊天室 流星花園聊天室 食色男女色情聊天室 真愛宣言交友聊天室 情人皇朝聊天室 上班族成人聊天室 上班族f1影音視訊聊天室 哈雷視訊聊天室 080影音視訊聊天室 38不夜城聊天室 援交聊天室080 080哈啦聊天室 台北已婚聊天室 已婚廣場聊天室 夢幻家族聊天室 摸摸扣扣同學會聊天室 520情色聊天室 QQ成人交友聊天室 免費視訊網愛聊天室 愛情公寓免費聊天室 拉子性愛聊天室 柔情網友聊天室 哈啦影音交友網 哈啦影音視訊聊天室 櫻井莉亞三點全露寫真集 123上班族聊天室 尋夢園上班族聊天室 成人聊天室上班族 080上班族聊天室 6k聊天室 粉紅豆豆聊天室 080豆豆聊天網 新豆豆聊天室 080聊天室 免費音樂試聽 流行音樂試聽 免費aa片試看A片 免費a長片線上看 色情貼影片 免費a長片 本土成人貼圖站 大台灣情色網 台灣男人幫論壇 A圖網 嘟嘟成人電影網 火辣春夢貼圖網 情色貼圖俱樂部 台灣成人電影 絲襪美腿樂園 18美女貼圖區 柔情聊天網 707網愛聊天室聯盟 台北69色情貼圖區 38女孩情色網 台灣映像館 波波成人情色網站 美女成人貼圖區 無碼貼圖力量 色妹妹性愛貼圖區 日本女優貼圖網 日本美少女貼圖區 亞洲風暴情色貼圖網 哈啦聊天室 美少女自拍貼圖 辣妹成人情色網 台北女孩情色網 辣手貼圖情色網 AV無碼女優影片 男女情色寫真貼圖 a片天使俱樂部 萍水相逢遊戲區 平水相逢遊戲區 免費視訊交友90739 免費視訊聊天 辣妹視訊 - 影音聊天網 080視訊聊天室 日本美女肛交 美女工廠貼圖區 百分百貼圖區 亞洲成人電影情色網 台灣本土自拍貼圖網 麻辣貼圖情色網 好色客成人圖片貼圖區 711成人AV貼圖區 台灣美女貼圖區 筱萱成人論壇 咪咪情色貼圖區 momokoko同學會視訊 kk272視訊 情色文學小站 成人情色貼圖區 嘟嘟成人網 嘟嘟情人色網 - 貼圖區 免費色情a片下載 台灣情色論壇 成人影片分享 免費視訊聊天區 微風 成人 論壇 kiss文學區 taiwankiss文學區

Anonymous said...

借錢 借貸 借貸 借錢 當舖 當舖 當舖 借錢 票貼 借款 借貸 借錢 票貼 二胎 二胎房貸 借貸 週轉 融資 借貸 借錢 借貸 票貼 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借貸找星光 借貸找星光 當舖找星光 當舖找星光 票貼找星光 票貼找星光 票貼急救網 票貼急救網 票貼急救網 票貼急救網 融資sos995 票貼 借錢 借貸 票貼 借貸指南 借貸指南 當舖 票貼 借錢 借貸 借款 貼現 貼現 借貸找星光 借貸找星光 借貸找星光 借錢 票貼 借貸 當舖 票貼 借貸 借錢 借貸指南 借貸指南 借貸指南 借錢 借貸 借貸 票貼 借款 借貸 借錢 借貸 借錢 票貼 票貼 借貸指南 借貸指南 借貸找星光 借貸找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 票貼急救網 票貼急救網 票貼急救網 票貼急救網 票貼急救網 借貸指南 網站搜尋 網站名錄 網址目錄 directory 網站登錄 網站目錄 網站指南

Gabriel said...

It cannot succeed as a matter of fact, that's what I suppose.
online multiplayer games | suits | free team building activities for the workplace | football players | maui weddings said...

Gosh, there's a great deal of helpful data in this post!