Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The F*@% YEAH FILES #5: Flash's escape-velocity around-the-world hyper-punch

The Flash makes a second appearance in the hallowed halls of the F*$% Yeah Files, this time courtesy of writer/visionary/possible time-traveler from the future Grant Morrison and artist Howard Porter. That’s right it’s JLA #3, part three of the Hyperclan storyline that returned the League to mythic radness.

In this story, Earth is visited by the Hyperclan, a group of super-powered aliens who appear to be good guys. The aliens immediately set about at massive public works projects with their powers, endearing them to the gullible common man. But the JLA aren’t convinced that The Hyperclan are good guys, a suspicion that is confirmed when the old JLA satellite is attacked by armored superhumans. This sets in motion a series of battles between the Hyperclan and the JLA, during which most of our heroes get their asses kicked and are captured by The Hyperclan. All but Batman, who learns their terrible secret… and then proceeds to kick alien ass.

But no! We’re not focusing on Batman kicking ass today! That’s too easy! Let’s look at the second most F*$% Yeah moment in the Hyperclan saga: Flash’s hyperspeed around-the-world duel with Zum, the alien speedster.

Here they go. Pay attention to the panel in the lower right-hand corner, where the startled guy in India drops the vase. It will come up later. Behold:

Morrison writes a damn good super-chase – you get the feeling that he had this sequence in him, waiting to get out, waiting for the right story. While I’m normally a little indifferent to Howard Porter’s work, I think he nails it during this sequence, and the blur effects and whatnot are well-handled and non-gratuitous.

Let’s keep going. Flash is gaining on Zum, who throws frickin’ bricks at Flash! Dick!

“He must have grabbed them from that building site in Beijing.”

I love that.

The chase continues:

Flash decides to get his game on and accelerates towards lightspeed. You can tell it's lightspeed because that's when you start thinking about hyperdimensional gels and trippy shit like that:

Flash realizes that he’s faster than Zum because I mean - please, he’s Flash.

That’s right, Flash accelerates past Zum, runs around the fucking world – again, he runs around the fucking world-- comes up behind him, and smacks him in the face!!! Check it out:

Flash is going so damn fast that he punches Zum off the planet. He gets hit at Mt. Rushmore, flies into space, comes flaming back down, and lands somewhere with zebras. Flash punched the dude to Africa! Sadly, the page in the comic where this happens is so hideously designed that I couldn’t bear to post it. It’s as if Porter’s urge to experiment with page design won out over the urge to tell a coherent visual story. Oh well, the rest of it is keen.

Then, as a nice little punch line, Flash runs back to India or wherever and stops the vase (remember the vase?) from falling:

That’s right – the entire battle with Zum took place in less time than it would take for a vase to drop to the ground.

Somebody give me a F*$% Yeah.

This sequence is so kick-ass that instead of Celine Dion, I’ve brought in some special guests to help me give it the props it deserves:

Wait for it…

Norwegian death metal band Immortal joins Dave’s Long Box in a hearty F*$% Yeah for JLA #3!


Unknown said...

I dug this fight back when I first read it, but since then I took a physics class and found that, according to the Theory of Relativity, mass does not actually increase as speed increases, which kind of screws up the outcome of the fight. I know, comic book science and all, but I like it when it is based in real science. Still a cool scene though.

Bully said...

There is no more F*@% YEAH power than superspeed, but both the superfasthero itself and the way it's been portrayed have been mishandled too many times to count. This is one of those rare instances that gets it right on both counts.

(singing...) He's the maaaaaster...of going faaaaaster...

Anonymous said...

Matt Brady's trying to make me cry!

David Campbell said...

Oops, that was me, crying.

m b blissett said...

What good examples of superspeed have there been? I am working on such a character and I want to go for that flip yeah momentum

Charles W. said...

Ahh, the Hyperclan. This story was tighter than four fat men in a Pinto. (And ya know that's tight, man.)

I've always wondered whether the letterer got confused during this sequence, though . . . I thought the hypergels section should've had the thought balloons and caption panels swap text. Is that just me?

Anyway, this was filled with awesome moments. "He knows." Heh.

Anonymous said...

Yet another example of the Arkon Axiom: if aliens show up saying they're our best buds, they're evil. If they show up destroying things for no reason, it turns out they're actually good guys.

Anonymous said...

Dave, I can't believe you left out that last page, if only for the final "Flash fact" punchline which is awesome!

Matt Brady, I can't believe you are bringing up physics here, don't you know Wally never went to college? Are you trying to embarrass the guy? Have a heart, Brady!

phrank of dixieland said...

I gave that F*@# YEAH moment an 8.5 out of 10... until Flash caught that pot at the end. That made the moment a 10 out of 10. That made the fight so much better.

Let's think about how much time that fight actually took from the time he passed the Pot Man in India:

We will assume in the panel Pot Man dropped his pot that the very bottom of the pot is 1 meter from the ground, which would make the man about 5'10". Easy enough to assume. And, for the sake of rounding UP, we will also assume that Flash caught the pot the exact instant before the bottom of the pot shattered on the ground. That would mean the pot fell 1 meter exactly. Now, gravity's velocity is 4.8 meters/second2 (2 means squared). So, the pot, which fell 1 total meter, took .2083 seconds to fall before Flash picked it up (1 meter / 4.8 velocity). So that entire fight took LESS THAN (remember we rounded the distance up and assumed he caught it at the last possible instant) .2083 seconds. That's about a fifth of one second.


Anonymous said...

You're the King for bringin' out the Sons of Northern Darkness themselves to bring the majesty of Flash Facts!

I saw those guys open for Manowar, and it made me a fan ever since. Pity they broke up, or lay dormant--whatever they do in Norway.

Anonymous said...

This has also got to be the only time Flash is not JLA Tool #1.

Anonymous said...

Dear Matt Brady,

I have also taken my fair share of science classes and have a working grasp on Relativistic concepts, so I would like to point out that you are applying the wrong formula to the Flash's fight sequene.

While mass does not increase due to speed, force does increase due to acceleration. This is demonstrated by the standard Physics formula F=ma where F is "force", m is "mass" and a is "acceleration."

As you can see by this relationship, because Flash increase his acceleration, the force of the punch would proportionally increase.

The idea of a stronger punch due to greater acceleration is definitely in agreement with real science.

(If the concept still seems shaky, just take a second to think of it this way: imagine a car hits you at 1 mph. Now imagine the same car, with the same mass, hitting you at 55 mph. While the mass does not change, the force does due to greater acceleration.)


Winterteeth said...

Flash Fact: Grant Morrison can make even the lamest characters cool. Not to say Flash is lame, I actually like him. I'm just saying "Grant Morrison Presents Angel & the Ape" would probably be excellent.

Bill Reed said...

Oh hell, this moment *is* totally Airwolf. I'd forgotten about it because the Bat-moment from the same issue tends to overshadow it.

But, yes; this is a kickass Wally moment.

Anonymous said...

Actually, Wally did go to college -- to study physics, IIRC -- but dropped out after he won the lottery. (There was no mention of him dropping out, but college was never mentioned again...)

Chris Sims said...

Oh man. Immortal.

And that's how I know that Dave Campbell once spent three years as a sherpa to learn the secrets of the Himalayas, which he now applies to comics blogging.

Also, I really like the part where after punching the bejeezus out of Züm, the Flash goes: "That's escape velocity, by the way. It's a Flash Fact."

What a smartass!

Anonymous said...

F*@% Yeah!

I had forgotten all about this scene, and amazingly didn't recall it even during the Flash fight in the "Divided We Fall" episode of Justice League Unlimited, which is very clearly inspired by this sequence.

God, Grant Morrison is awesome. I've always viewed his JLA run as the spiritual end of the 90s, as the comic that basically said "you can come back now, comics don't suck anymore." It's sequences like this that illustrate why.

Kelson sez...

Actually, Wally did go to college -- to study physics, IIRC -- but dropped out after he won the lottery. (There was no mention of him dropping out, but college was never mentioned again...)

Huh. I didn't know that. That seems like one of those plot threads that someone should really pick up on. I think there's potential in the idea of Wally going back to school, especially now that he has kids.

Winterteeth sez...

I'm just saying "Grant Morrison Presents Angel & the Ape" would probably be excellent.

Two thoughts:

1) If Grant Morrison made Animal Man rock, I have no doubt that he could knock Angel & The Ape out of the park.

2) I'm pretty sure Bruce Timm and the Warner Bros. Animation guys were batting around the idea of an Angel & The Ape series. I bet it would have been neat. I also think Darwyn Cooke has done or considered doing some Angel & The Ape stuff. Obviously, there's some potential there.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone not love how with just two words - "Flash fact" - Morrison says everything anyone will ever need to know about Barry's relationship with Wally?

Simple. Elegant. AIRWOLF.

Anonymous said...

Stealing that thought from Patrick...

This was an awesome F*** YEAH moment and I'd like to add Flash manning up in the JLU Eps. "Divided We Fall" in a similar scenario.

Flash, after being one of the less useful characters thoughout the series, truly comes to his peak as a charcter in that episode. All the other original memebers have been defeated and their reinforcements have been fighting a minature war on the JL station. So who stands up to take out Lexor/Brainac? Flash. Round the world punch, not once, not twice, more like a dozen or so.

F*** YEAH.


Peter said...

Lucky us that we're basically sorta getting "Grant Morrison presents the entire fucking DCU" soon, right? :)

Heck, he's already sorta doing it in Seven Soldiers (post-IC DCU, mark my words).

Give that man an Atom ongoing already. You know he'd go nuts with the potential for a big old physics bonanza.

And maybe one day, he can write the Avengers. I'm waiting for it...

(good catch about the force formula, Roel, saved me from posting it ;))

Anonymous said...

I actually just read that for the first time last week, definitely the highlight of that arc for me. I disliked the artwork for the series though, I can only imagine if a really great arteest worked on this.

The vase scene is genius! I think I laughed out loud and clapped my hands when I read it, but thanks to some Flash osmosis I caught it before hitting the carpet. That's some powerful F*@%k YEAHness right there.

Anonymous said...

Wally using Barry's "Flash Facts" was informative, expositional, funny, and touching all at the same time. Why is it that the British writers always seem to turn caption boxes into literary art?

IIRC, wasn’t Wally an Accounting major? Or am I getting him confused with all the non-doctor X-Men?

Confessional: Waid's Flash was the comic that broke me from my Marvel Zombie rigormortis. And it was Morrison's JLA that made DC my preferred universe since then. So you can imagine what a kick this fight was for me. More than anything, it cemented for me the idea that the Flash--be it Jay, Johnny, Max, Barry, Wally, Jesse, [Flash Fact: Almost done...] Bart, XS, the Zooms, or Savitar--isn't just "fast." In a race, Superman can--and sometimes does--win. So could, I would guess, the other Supers, Wonders, Marvels, Green Lanterns, and J’onn (of course, I mean against normal Flash-types, not Speed Force-doping Wally). And Bat-Mite. No, what makes the Flashes unique is that they live speed, as though it was an instinct or sixth sense. Mozart could play a harpsichord better than anyone, but it was the unique talent for music itself that made him an Academy Award-winning movie subject. That’s why Wally beat Zum: the Martian was fast, but he knew practically nothing about what he was doing. And that’s why Wally, despite his superior power, still knows Barry would kick his ass in a second.

Anonymous said...

If it makes you feel better Matt, although mass doesn't actually increase with velocity, the rather handwaving relativistic mass does, so it's often thrown out there by folks like Hawking and Feynman when explaining relativity in less than rigorous way. Here's a more thorough explanation if anyone's interested.

(Of course, what always bugged me about that scene is the fact that Zum is shown crashing back to earth after achieving escape velocity. Escape velocity by definition means you're not coming back.)

And while I'm in T.A. mode, gravity doesn't have a velocity, it has a constant acceleration, which on Earth is 9.8 m/s^2. Integrate that twice to find position as a function of time starting from rest, and you get x=(0.5)(9.8 m/s^2)t

So to fall 1 meter would take a time of SQRT[2(1 m)/(9.8 m/s^2)], or 0.45 seconds.

And pedantary having destroyed everyone's love of a good Morrison comic book, I take my leave.

Anonymous said...

Give that man an Atom ongoing already. You know he'd go nuts with the potential for a big old physics bonanza.

After seeing the Atom and Green Arrow take out Darkseid during Morrison's run, I'd have to give that a big Fuck yeah!

William said...

Wouldn't hitting someone (who isn't invulnerable) at escape velocity be like a two by four going through a tree in a hurricane (except even moreso)? It's that whole F=MA thing again. The amount of force would be incredible.

Anonymous said...

Yeah. That was totally AIRWOLF. I never caught the bit about Flash catching the vase that was dropped earlier.

RobB said...

Goddamnedd F*@% Yeah Airwolf!

One of the keys to writing Wally, Grant gets, Waid got it and Johns gets it - is the internal dialogue Wally has.

Another great thing about this book is something you don't see anymore, and something a lot of comicbloggers have mentioned - thought ballons.

So Dave, turns out your as big a Flash fan as I am, huh?

Anonymous said...
Does anyone not love how with just two words - "Flash fact" - Morrison says everything anyone will ever need to know about Barry's relationship with Wally?


gwalla said...

AIUI, Seven Soldiers is officially post-∞C DCU.

thekelvingreen said...

And maybe one day, he can write the Avengers. I'm waiting for it...
Oh god, the sweet anticipation of the moment that Marvel realise Bendis is a hack and give Morrison a fat wad of cash to come over for an exclusive and do a few years of Avengerin'...

Do not torment me so...

Anonymous said...

F%$£ YEAH!!!

TWO JLA moments. I think these are the first actual comics you've reviewed in yr inimitable style, that I've actually read. Oh, no, there's Year One up above.

Nonetheless, I am delighted, even though you didn't select any of the 19 moments from the book I listed as possibilities.

I'm only gonna say this once, but Airwolf, Dave. Airwolf.

Oops, that's twice.

Anonymous said...

Remember, if you like Wally, it's largely because of what Bill Messner-Loebs laid down for him.

Tycho B. said...

Pardon me while I pull my physics degree out of my ass... AH. That's better.

F=MA is not the applicable equation. I think people are confusing acceleration with speed. Remember, acceleration is the measure of the change in velocity, not the velocity itself.

The applicable concept when Flash nails Zum is the Law of Conservation of Momentum, where momentum (p) is expressed as P=MV, where M is the mass of the flash, and V is his FUCK YEAH incredible Velocity. Since momentum is conserved, then the value P(flash) + P(zum) remains constant. When Flahs clobbers Zum, he transfers a portion of his momentum, which results in a change in Flash's velocity (which decreases) and Zum's velocity (which increases).

We can then measure Zum's accelleration after the collision: A (zum)= V (old) - V (new), and use that value to calculate the force with which Flash hit him:

M(zum)A(zum)=F(uck yeah!)

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

豆豆聊天室 aio交友愛情館 2008真情寫真 2009真情寫真 aa片免費看 捷克論壇 微風論壇 大眾論壇 plus論壇 080視訊聊天室 情色視訊交友90739 美女交友-成人聊天室 色情小說 做愛成人圖片區 豆豆色情聊天室 080豆豆聊天室 小辣妹影音交友網 台中情人聊天室 桃園星願聊天室 高雄網友聊天室 新中台灣聊天室 中部網友聊天室 嘉義之光聊天室 基隆海岸聊天室 中壢網友聊天室 南台灣聊天室 南部聊坊聊天室 台南不夜城聊天室 南部網友聊天室 屏東網友聊天室 台南網友聊天室 屏東聊坊聊天室 雲林網友聊天室 大學生BBS聊天室 網路學院聊天室 屏東夜語聊天室 孤男寡女聊天室 一網情深聊天室 心靈饗宴聊天室 流星花園聊天室 食色男女色情聊天室 真愛宣言交友聊天室 情人皇朝聊天室 上班族成人聊天室 上班族f1影音視訊聊天室 哈雷視訊聊天室 080影音視訊聊天室 38不夜城聊天室 援交聊天室080 080哈啦聊天室 台北已婚聊天室 已婚廣場聊天室 夢幻家族聊天室 摸摸扣扣同學會聊天室 520情色聊天室 QQ成人交友聊天室 免費視訊網愛聊天室 愛情公寓免費聊天室 拉子性愛聊天室 柔情網友聊天室 哈啦影音交友網 哈啦影音視訊聊天室 櫻井莉亞三點全露寫真集 123上班族聊天室 尋夢園上班族聊天室 成人聊天室上班族 080上班族聊天室 6k聊天室 粉紅豆豆聊天室 080豆豆聊天網 新豆豆聊天室 080聊天室 免費音樂試聽 流行音樂試聽 免費aa片試看A片 免費a長片線上看 色情貼影片 免費a長片 本土成人貼圖站 大台灣情色網 台灣男人幫論壇 A圖網 嘟嘟成人電影網 火辣春夢貼圖網 情色貼圖俱樂部 台灣成人電影 絲襪美腿樂園 18美女貼圖區 柔情聊天網 707網愛聊天室聯盟 台北69色情貼圖區 38女孩情色網 台灣映像館 波波成人情色網站 美女成人貼圖區 無碼貼圖力量 色妹妹性愛貼圖區 日本女優貼圖網 日本美少女貼圖區 亞洲風暴情色貼圖網 哈啦聊天室 美少女自拍貼圖 辣妹成人情色網 台北女孩情色網 辣手貼圖情色網 AV無碼女優影片 男女情色寫真貼圖 a片天使俱樂部 萍水相逢遊戲區 平水相逢遊戲區 免費視訊交友90739 免費視訊聊天 辣妹視訊 - 影音聊天網 080視訊聊天室 日本美女肛交 美女工廠貼圖區 百分百貼圖區 亞洲成人電影情色網 台灣本土自拍貼圖網 麻辣貼圖情色網 好色客成人圖片貼圖區 711成人AV貼圖區 台灣美女貼圖區 筱萱成人論壇 咪咪情色貼圖區 momokoko同學會視訊 kk272視訊 情色文學小站 成人情色貼圖區 嘟嘟成人網 嘟嘟情人色網 - 貼圖區 免費色情a片下載 台灣情色論壇 成人影片分享 免費視訊聊天區 微風 成人 論壇 kiss文學區 taiwankiss文學區

Anonymous said...

China Wholesalers has been described as the world’s factory. buy products wholesaleThis phenomenom is typified by the rise ofbusiness. Incredible range of products available with China Wholesale “Low Price and High Quality” not only reaches directly to their target clients worldwide but also ensures that wholesale from china from China means margins you cannot find elsewhere and China Wholesale will skyroket your profits.china wholesale productsbuy china wholesalewholesale chinawholesale productsbuy products

Jerald said...

It won't truly have effect, I suppose so.
car dealerships in | boston seafood restaurants | criminal defense lawyer

muebles segovia said...

Well, I do not actually believe it is likely to have success.