Monday, July 25, 2005

Employee Motivation the Kobra Way

(Yes, this is a re-post, too. But Kobra demanded it!)
"Go, all of you! Die repelling the intruders, and know you will be blessed beyond your puerile capacity to conceive!"


Videos by Professor Howdy said...

We work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time!

You have a riveting web log
and undoubtedly must have
atypical & quiescent potential
for your intended readership.
May I suggest that you do
everything in your power to
honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
Designer/Architect as well
as your revering audience.

Please remember to never
restrict anyone's opportunities
for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence.

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose. A
time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.

Best wishes for continued ascendancy,

P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
that the common culture of my youth
is gone for good. It was hollowed out
by the rise of ethnic "identity politics,"
then splintered beyond hope of repair
by the emergence of the web-based
technologies that so maximized and
facilitated cultural choice as to make
the broad-based offerings of the old
mass media look bland and unchallenging
by comparison."

'Thought & Humor' by Howdy
CyberHumor, CyberThought
CyberRiddles for your divertissement!!!

Anonymous said...

Kobra hatesss cute animationsss!

Tegan O'Neil said...

Kobra, I guess, makes the money to fund his world domination schemes by doing management seminars for Fortune 500 companies.

Anonymous said...

What kind of psychologically disfigured individual does it take to join one of these cult groups, anyway? Look at those Kobra Cult guys. Does Kobra have funky Starro mind-control powers? Those guys look brain-fried. Yet there they are, chanting their Mardi-Gras-snake-costumed leader's name, so totally into the idea of dying for some reason they are too stupid to understand. That's actually pretty damn scary if Kobra can get them to do that. "Go, die, because I say so stupid!" If I could do that, I'd be a snake-inspired cult leader myself.

Does make you wonder, however, if Kobra wouldn't be more successful if he left the "die repelling the intruders" part as more of a suggestion, rather than a command. How many times over the years has Kobra been thwarted maybe just because his minions were faced with either killing a hero or dying in the attempt and chose to follow orders?

Anonymous said...

Kobra is really Tony Robbins.

Brrr... that's power, man....

Imagine if that was really Kobra's bent in the DCU. Could you imagine what the testimonials would sound like on the infomercials?

"Thanks to Kobra, I've started my own business, lost 75 pounds, bought my own home, and wiped out half of New York."

"I read Kobra's 'Mastering the Henchman Within', and I was changed forever. Because of it, I have embraced my role in the universe, and if Kobra wants to choke me for getting his coffee wrong, I'll 'gak gak' with pride."

Anonymous said...

"I used to be 300 lbs, chained to the wall in my 10x10 apartment, eating dog food - and then Kobra showed me how to untap my Personal Power. Now I drive an SUV, I own a condo in Delray Beach, and I am helping to usher in the Kali-Yuga, the Age of Chaos! Hail Naja Naja!"

zilla said...

you guys are killing me ha.

Anonymous said...

This has been filed away for future use in a company memo.

I really don't want to be anonymous, I just can't remember my (p)assword.

And that's why I am the boss here.

Anonymous said...

ROFL! I could totally see some of those guys doing testimonials, too. Most probably the guy to the right of Kobra's hand who looks like his mere proximity to Kobra has given him an epiphany.

Wouldn't it be awesome if Kobra became like the equivalent to Marvel's Taskmaster? But instead of training evil people how to fight, he simply trains people how to be evil? And there could be a whole host of lame villains who aren't necessarily part of the Kobra Cult, but they go to Kobra's and return more badass? Like "Underworld Unleashed", only without the magic, or Johns' Rogues in FLASH. "You may have defeated me before, Flash, back when I was just a lame gimmick! But now, thanks to Lord Kobra, the Rainbow Raider has returned with a heart full of blackness! Behold, the Raider of the Dark Rain! I will eat your children! < evil laugh >!"

Anonymous said...

Apparently the "K" in "Kobra" stands for "Koran."

Anonymous said...


It had to be said.

thekelvingreen said...

" will be blessed beyond your puerile capacity to conceive!"

Not only is he a self-help guru, but Kobra apparently also has a stash of fertility drugs and/or viagra!

Anonymous said...

I wrote the comment about being the boss, but I did not write those others.

Please refer to me as Anon One."

Anonymous said...

"You may have defeated me before, Flash, back when I was just a lame gimmick! But now, thanks to Lord Kobra, the Rainbow Raider has returned with a heart full of blackness! Behold, the Raider of the Dark Rain! I will eat your children! < evil laugh >!"

That's beautiful, Cove! I hurt myself laughing at that one. Think of what Kobra could have done for Slipknot....

Hail Naja Naja!

Anonymous said...

My only exposure to Kobra is through his (excellent) Suicide Squad appearances, but I seem to recall that one of his defining character traits is that he's astonishingly charismatic. Doesn't his whole plan in his second SS storyline rely on him convincing his captors to switch sides and join him?

(I'm being deliberately vague to avoid spoilers--it's a great story, and you should either read it or get Dave to blog about it.)

David Campbell said...

It's ON - I love that Suicide Squad storyline; it's in queue for Kobra Week, as well as the Janus Directive...

David Campbell said...

Well, I lied. I'll have to hit the Janus Directive when "Crossover Week" rolls around.

Man, that little dancing hillbilly dragon at the top of the page is annoying, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

^^ nice blog!! ^@^

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