Monday, April 25, 2005

Lame-ass villain #4 - The Cheetah

Real name: Esteban Carracus
Occupation: Professional criminal, pimp, chica magnet
Identity: All the ladies, theyknow the Cheetah. All the ladies, they love the Cheetah.
Place of humiliating death at the hands of Scourge: "The Bar With No Name"
Marital status: Single, baby. Single
Known relatives: Nothing those bitches can prove, my man.
Group affiliation: The Cheetah runs alone
Base of Operations: Various and sundry nightclubs in Dade County, the back booth of a Denny's.
First appearance and origin: Captain Marvel #48. Yes, Captain Marvel actually fought him.
Final appearance: Captain America #319
Famous taglines: "You dancin'?"
"You like fur baby? Run your fingers through the Cheetah's chest."
"They say the Cheetah is fast, but there's one thing I like to do slow..."
"Is your dad a thief? Because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes, baby."
"America is like a big chicken, just waiting to be plucked."
"Would you like to meet the Little Cheetah?"


N said...

What could he do? Run fast?

David Campbell said...

He could lift 8 tons, run at 75 mph, and had razor-sharp claws.

Alas, not bulletproof...

RobB said...

As you were typing all of that did you hear it in your head in Antonio Banderas's voice? I know as I read it, I did.

Johnny Bacardi said...

It's no wonder that Cheetah was never successful- 'cause, as we all know...

Cheetahs never prosper!

...just like comedy!

Anonymous said...

It gets better! The reason he was so easy to kill? His Alien-robot-given cheetah powers (I would NOT joke about this) had gone away! So at this point, he was ... some guy with a mask.

J'onn J'onzz, Martian Manhunter said...

Were those real quotes or fake ones.

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