Monday, February 19, 2007

Lame-ass villain #17: Razor Fist


Razor Fist is an old school Marvel villain from the 70s (Master of Kung Fu to be exact) with a very accurate and descriptive name. Actually, Stabby Hands would be even more accurate, because the dude has foot-long blades instead of hands.

Think about that: getting knives for hands indicates a deep level of commitment to stabbing and slashing things. I mean, if you want somebody stabbed, Razor Fist would be your guy. But he’s sort of a one-trick pony.

Let’s ask the obvious questions here: How does Razor Fist put on his pants? Drive a car? Or open a frickin’ door even? I would imagine that he could learn how to eat with his giant knife hands, although soup would probably be out of the question. But seriously how does Razor Fist work out the mundane task of traveling to the location where he must stab people? What is a day in the life of Razor Fist like? Does he have an assistant or something, to help with bathing and er, wiping?

Much like that issue of Batman where he wraps his injured hands in the form of big fists, Razor Fist could be defeated by a stout locked door. And that, my friends, is why Razor Fist is a Lame-Ass Villain.




(Razor Fist image by Mark Texeira cribbed from Big Wow Art)

29 comments:

GarBut said...

The "Razor Fist image" is not showing up. Which, in theory, makes him even lamer.

SanctumSanctorumComix said...

That had better not be a photo close-up of YOUR zipper, Dave.

If you're abusing your power on this blog to force us to stare deeply into your crotchital-area, you have taken the first bold step into creepy super-villainy, yourself.

;-)

~P~
P-TOR

Mechamage82 said...

So... there's a DC-Razorfist as well, eh? Well, I guess he's as lame as the Marvel character of the same name: http://www.marveldatabase.com/Razorfist

Although this one used to have a cult of semi naked women who tended to his every whim... Who needs hands when you're fed by models?

Anonymous said...

The image has been cut out of your blog post...yes, cut right out with the precision of a..a..RAZOR!! I think I know just who's behind this.

buttler said...

i have a fondness for razor fist, not because he's not lame but because that's how much i love the original run of master of kung fu.

i was always sure that steve englehart simply hadn't done his homework when he brought razor fist back to fight the west coast avengers despite the guy being dead. current wikis seem to indicate that there was still at least one razor fist alive and available for weddings and bat mitzvahs at the time, but i wonder if that's a retcon to account for sloppy writing.

Anonymous said...

And why the mask? Is his alter ego the mild mannered reporter Cutty McMakeyableed, the razor-handed journalist? It would be hard to pull that off. "Cutty, there's that terrible Razor Fist again! Hey, where'd Cutty go...?"

Chris said...

Better yeat, what does a guy like this do in his down time? You know, when he's not out being a super villain? I can't see him walking through the park wearing khaki's and a polo shirt or playinh volley ball on the beach.

I guess this is the price you pay when you go to far with the whole specializing thing.

wrath said...

that is why he gets his tail kicked by "swiss army fist" at the lame ass villain summer picnic and volleyball game

LurkerWithout said...

Reminds me of #1 Fan from Peter David's original X-Factor run. One of an entire family of lame-ass villians.

smokedog said...

Maybe they can team Razor Fist with Stubble Face - now that's a comic I would read!

No, I wouldn't. I'm so sorry.

Anonymous said...

They always try to lump Machete, Zaran the Weapons Master, Shockwave, and Batroc in with this guy. It's true Machete and Zaran are a force of lameness unto themselves but Razor Fist is even dorkier than they are. Now Shockwave, that guy was pretty cool.

Vincent Dacak said...

I have a question, how does a guy get that ripped without being able to hit the gym? Seriously, the man looks like a walking mountain.

Mike P said...

I think Razor Fist can unscrew his razors and replace them with other things. He was in a recent issue of "Civil War: Front Line" and he had hooks instead of razors, so they must be detachable.

Matt T. said...

I remember that WCA appearence buttler mentioned, but what I remember most was a comment Mockingbird (at the time, Mrs. Hawkeye; these days, dead and will probably stay that way) made. The villains had attacked our heroes and in the air. As all involved headed earthward, Mocking bird said something along of the lines of "Look how they're landing! They're kung-fun fighters" like it was the amost amazing thing she'd seen.

Razorfist made an appearence in Wolverine's first run in Marvel Comics Presents, wherein Logan asks the question of how he goes to the bathroom, which is WAY more important than getting his britches on.

I also remember mention of Razorfist's razorfists being screw-on somehow or another, and he had a harem of scantily clad devotees to help him, umm, use the bathroom and get his pants on. I guess if you're an international assassin in the world of Marvel, you manage to figure out how to make it all work.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

How come everyone's hating? Razor Fist is a visually interesting villain who is also great to have around when it's time to carve the Thanksgiving turkey.

Doc said...

Unless the volleyball is made of adamantium, the recreation at the villain's union local 99 summer picnic is going to be awfully shortlived...

Caleb said...

Just kick the door down, Batman! Quit whining; that's Superman's job. Your job is to kick ass! Even door ass!

Bully said...

I could only respect Razor Fist if he has an interesting and fitting battle cry, sort of like "It's clobbering time!", but, you know, more apt for Razor Fist.

Something like, I don't know, um...

"Knife to meet you!"

And then he goes all stabby on them.

David C said...

"Look how they're landing! They're kung-fun fighters"

Obviously this is a typo, but a typo fraught with promise and opportunity!

I sense a new title, but it needs a star!

[BLANK] and His/Her Kung-Fun Fighters!

Sad Captain Party said...

Razorfist was the main baddie in the Toxin miniseries that probably wasn't as recent as I like to think it was.

He lived underground with a bunch of self-mutilating teens, and got them to help him with the chores he couldn't do due to having stupid blade hands (or 'razor fists', if you will). I dinnae think there was any mention of how he makes pee-pee, though.

It was written by Peter Milligan, so I'm certain the absurdty of the whole deal was addressed at some point.

It must have been.

Also, I totally agree, 'Kung-Fun' really is the best typo ever.

Andy said...

Razor Fist was created by Doug Moench, wasn't he? Moench was really taking the piss a lot back in the 70's. I love that old Frankenstein's Monster story he did in which the Monster got his brain swapped for a mouse brain...

West said...

I didn't realize he was still around.

Chance said...

I think Razor Fist can unscrew his razors and replace them with other things.

A-HA!

HOW???

Matt T. said...

Sheesh..."kung-fun". How embarassing. That being said, anyone got Stephen Chow's email address?

Chris Arndt said...

Unscrewing those things can't be too hard if you have someone else to help you or even a machine to grab hold and unscrew them.

Honestly, a first-year engineering student could figure out how Razorfist could unscrew his blades without hands.

Chris Arndt said...

Dave!

Razorfist is not a lame-ass villain!

He's a one-note, single-purpose, multiple-use villain.

He knows kung fu. He kills people with cutting implements. He's evil and he has survived fights with truly dangerous super-heroes.

Raz said...

Dave!

Razorfist is not a lame-ass villain!

He's a one-note, single-purpose, multiple-use villain.

He knows kung fu. He kills people with cutting implements. He's evil and he has survived fights with truly dangerous super-heroes.


I must agree.

Also, in that picture you posted he is hella-hot. Ignoring the cutty bits obviously....

v-word = LKUSAA! The sound Razorfist makes when he goes at it! (SNIKT would be better but Wolvie would just kick his ass again)

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Sina said...

It's entirely possible that they're jus' cutomized graspable weaponry with a protective jacket that extends over his wrists n' past his forearms :P with clunky artwork through the ages that has jus' so far declined to show us either way? :D i mean, we've never *seen* any stumps underneath those shiny metal blades yet, have we? :/

BTW: this guys *totally* falls into the "butt-ugly"-but-"hot-as-sin" category that most well-built & developed guys do :) srsly, it's like a trade-off..."U want sexy lines n definition that r beyond compare n a lean trim physique that leaves nothing to the imagination? K'...but ur gonna have to put up with a face that's as gaunt n' ugly as two-week old steak n effectively works as orgasm retardant if u really want it" :P google this guy for urself to see wat i mean :P ;)