Sunday, January 14, 2007

Lame-ass villain #16 - Orka

I hesitate to put Orka on the Lame-ass Villain list for reasons that are difficult to articulate. Here, I will describe this undersea supervillain to you and let you be the judge.
Orka is a 24-foot tall water-breathing freak from Atlantis who posseses the power of his misspelled namesake, the Orka wayuhl.
First appearing in Prince Namor the Sub-Mariner in 1970, Orka was an Atlantean soldier who was given a belt with a "psionic amplifier" that gave him Whale Power. Who gave him the belt? None other than Lame-Ass Villain #14, Dr. Dorcas. No relation. Orka should also not be confused with Lame-Ass Villain #10, Orca. Hmm, I sense a trend. Or perhaps it's an unconscious bias on my part towards orca-sounding names due to my pathological hatred of the 1977 Richard Harris film Orca.
A little background: Orka was created by comics wunderkind Roy Thomas as a foe for Namor, but the blue brute has since appeared in a number of other comics. Orka's err, distinctive look was designed by legendary artist Marie Severin.
And what a look it is. Orka was also given a truly unfortunate outfit by Dr. Dorcas, one presumes. Look at that thing. I don't know what they were wearing down in Atlantis during the 70's, but that is some wacky shit by any standards. What the hell are those things ringing his face? Teeth? Giant discolored teeth? Is his costume supposed to look like a blue guy getting eaten by an orca? I'll admit that his flipper feet do look like they would be practical underwater, but how does Orka ski? Or skate?
Later in his career Orka developed his own natural Whale Power and didn't need his special belt anymore to get busy. From what I understand, Orka liked the look of the belt so much that he had a duplicate belt made to carry his stuff. For the first time ever, here is a look at the contents of Orka's utility belt:


There you have it: Orka. Hot or not? You make the call.

32 comments:

Steve said...

Well, the guy carries around three condoms at all times, he can't be that lame.

Unless they're just for show.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. I vote "hot".
He's hot. And I think he should be the first "lame-ass villain" to be re-evaluated from this condition, by popular demand.
I mean, he as the utility belt and looks badass!
Who is with me?

Francesco

Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot:

word verification:
bliidp
(the sound of Orka's utility belt when it activates)

Jon H said...

He ought to be called the Lamprey.

Anonymous said...

I'm just waiting for a villian to be named Okra.

Cullen M. M. Waters said...

Orka's one guy I won't want to meet in a dark alley. Scary.

The Mutt said...

Orka is like The Wrecking Crew: good for when you need a big, pointless punching bag for a big, pointless, building-smashing throwdown. He's been used well in that role. Not too lame, but the "I'm eating my own face!" look has got to go.

And there is nothing pathological about hating Orca. It is a reasoned and rational response to coming in contact with such a toxic movie.

Tim O'Neil said...

No, I don't think he's carrying around three condoms, I think he carries around three canisters full of condoms.

SallyP said...

"Okra" Tee hee. Oh, and you know, you could substitute "Batman" for "Orca" above the descriptions of the utility belt, and it would be just as funny.

Anonymous said...

You know he's currently starring in Heroes for hire, yeah?

Anonymous said...

Three condoms, or three pouches full of condoms? Either way, still scary, albeit popular with the ladies, or at the very least, orca whales.

Anonymous said...

He also carries breath mints and Axe Body Spray. Clearly, Orka is all about getting busy.

And anyone who places so high a premium on keeping Pez readily acceptable can't be all bad.

david said...

Orka just has three condoms, he is 24 feet tall, after all!

yes it's fun to see him as a punching bag..

Anonymous said...

The outfit reminds me of Buffalo Bill. Maybe Orka is so badass that, as a sort of early warning for others, he killed a whale and is wearing it around like a suit.

LurkerWithout said...

If he's 24 feet tall why does he need whale powers? Can't he just squish people? And shouldn't his color scheme actually vaguely resemble a killer whale? Lame!

Maybe with a costume redesign he could be more than Punching Bag of the Week...

The Tensor said...

Those things on his head aren't teeth, they're brass tabs that have been bent around the edges of his face to keep it from flying away.

Long story.

Mikey said...

..or the brass teeth of the world's most powerful zipper. When I was a kid the class lame-o always wore one of those Kennyesque parkas that covered his whole face.

And let's face it, no matter how much he works out, this guy is always going to be the class lame-o.

William said...

Yes, he should indeed be called the Lamprey. Not because of his costume, but because he sucks.

"Whale powers?" What exactly are whale powers? Does that mean he's actually a mammal and can, you know, drown?

luke said...

How can yout not like _Orca_? Any movie which features not only a killer whale smart enough to set a house on fire but also a killer whale miscarriage where the fetus -ejects- itself out of its mother gets a pass in my book.

Brad said...

Utility belt humor is universally funny, no matter whose utility belt it is.

McGone said...

I'm actually surprised that Orka would practice safe sex. Interesting. Oh, and I think the utility belt only carries three total condoms - as opposed to being three canisters full of condoms - because I'm sure the dude would be rocking the Magnums. I mean, look at the sizer of his flippers.

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't it be nice if Orka and Orca found each other, denounced their lives of crime, and swam off into the sunset together? Am I just a hopeless romantic?

FMguru said...

What an amazing coincidence! I wear the exact same utility belt (with the exact same loadout) whenever I go out clubbing.

ghostman said...

I vote to take Orka off the Lame-ass Villains list as long as he gets the stupid cowl teeth fixed. (Adding some extra bling to the belt would help him get over with the younger crowd.) But like the mutt said, Orka works as a dumb powerhouse that's tough to put down. His blubbery skin even makes him more resistant to impact, so he can take a few shots from guys like Thor. The supervillain world needs thugs like Orka, just in case the Rhino has the flu or something.

Dan Coyle said...

Actually, Orka recently switched sides and joined the Heroes for Hire in the new series of the same name.

Boredyesterday said...

Since you ask, I'll stick up for Orka, even his tusks. There's nothing lame or ass about Orka.

He fought Thor head-to-head in Avengers 149 in one of my favorite comics battles of all time.

And the face tusks are just royally awesome -- he's a MONSTER -- would you question Godzilla's spine flappy things? Let monsters be monstrous and fear Orka's power.

Either that, or call him lame ass to his face ... tusks.

Gui O. said...

No movie featuring 21-year-old Bo Derek could ever be hateful. Orca seems to be the only movie featuring 21-year-old Bo Derek, and this is all there is to be said about the subject.

Alex said...

Yeah, I think he's lame. But he should be filed under "Lame-Ass Heroes" for now since he's hangin with Misty Knight and the Do-Gooders for Purchase.

Hey, maybe that's why he's got the condoms and Axe in the belt...

Anonymous said...

...pez... hahaha

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