Monday, February 13, 2006

Off-Topic: Beware the Juggernaut, My Son!

We'll get back to Dude Looks Like a Lady Week later today; for now here's a picture of super-heavyweight Nikolai Valuev from the country of Holy Shit, Look At The Size Of That Guy.


Anonymous said...

Either that's a Photoshop or the other guy really should have finished high school.

Macavity said...


Alex said...

I don't know which is freakier: how big he is, or how hairy.

SanctumSanctorumComix said...

Will ya LOOK at that CRANIUM???

Perhaps it's a faulty snap-judgement, but I DON'T think that guy spends his weekends debating the fine points of William Butler Yeats.

I mean...SHEESH!

(ALL apologies to the large, hirsute behemoth, if he DOES have a penchant for the wisdom of Aristotle and enjoys a witty rejoinder about the in's and out's of the common market.)

SanctumSanctorumComix said...

I JUST took a look at the enlarged version of the pic.

Take a good, close look at the face of the Hulking fighter.

Is he making the "Awww isn't that cuuute?" face at the pitiful attempts of the other fighter?

There's a subtle grin there.

And, correct me if I'm mistaken, but it ALSO looks like he's pulling the "Stop hitting yourself...why 'yu hitting yourself" action as he pushes the little guys glove into his nose, while patting the little guy on the top of the head a'la Benny Hill?

Can you IMAGINE the HUGE LOAD the poor guy dropped when he saw this monster-man step into the ring?


Dave...this is a GREAT pic!

Looks like the Absorbing Man.

Aaahhh... I could go off on this one ALL DAY!

ThanX, man!

Anonymous said...

It looks like a live action version of Mike Tyson's Punchout.

Go Soda Popinski!

Anonymous said...

From Wikipedia: "He is the largest and heaviest champion of all time, and may be the largest competitive heavyweight boxer ever, standing at 2.13 m (7'0") tall and weighing as much as 150 kg (330 lb)."

smokedog said...

Why did that poor little shmuck agree to fight with this monster? Run for the hills!

zailo said...

interior shot: a small cramped giftshop crammed full of glass statuettes and collector plates with fragile wind chimes hanging low every where. The old biddy owner is sitting lonesome behind the cash register.
The door crack open a foot. The head of Nikolai Valuev pokes in.

Valuev: "Do you have a bathroom?"

Old Biddy has the look of horror on her face because she is envisioning the future.
Either she says yes and the behemoth boxer will stroll in destoying much of her all too cute merchadise in the process or,
she will say no enraging the giant into an even more destructive display.
She runs out the back of her shop screaming in fear and anguish.

Toby S. said...

Actually, according to the LA Times story, he reads Tolstoy.

Bully said...

Hooray! We now have an actor to play KGBeast in next summer's Batman Continues to Begin!

Axel M. Gruner said...

Actually, hats of to that smaller boxing dude.
That's courage. Dedication.
Or maybe he just likes to be punished.
(Maybe he imagined himself as Wolverine vs. The Hulk?)

Anonymous said...

Dave cropped out the mass of villagers with torches and pitchforks.

Dan Coyle said...

You know, when I first glanced at that picture, I was like, "Ow, that guy is ripped." Now upon closer examination... HOLY CRAPAMUNGUS THAT DUDE IS HUUUUUUGE.

Surely, if left unchecked he will DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL!

crowdedhouse said...

Anonymous's idea that that's a real life version of Punch-Out makes even more sense in light of this:

Coincidence, or a sign that the 80s are coming back in every conceivable way possible? You tell me.

crowdedhouse said...

That should read: .php?id=1304 just in case it got cut off on anyone else's computer like it did mine. That is all.

Word Verification Word: Maxalgy: what the Mad Max trilogy will be called when it is released on DVD

Chris Sims said...


roel said...

The man facing Valuev is former heavyweight champion of the world, John Ruiz. Ruiz happens to come from my current hometown of Somerville, MA. He is notable as the first Latino heavyweight champion in boxing history having held the WBA title twice from 2001-2003 and again from 2004-2005. Some of his more high-profile victories include wins over Evander Holyfield, Andrew Golota, Kirk Johnson, and Fres Oquendo (all these wins were successful defenses of his championship.) Ruiz actually fought Holyfield three times, only losing once -- and that was considered a controversial decision (which is what prompted the other two re-matches.) In addition, he had a huge mega-fight against Roy Jones Jr (a loss) and James Toney (a no-contest.) I'm not sure what a comment like "Ruiz should have finished high school" means, but believe me -- he accomplished a lot in his professional career and made millions in his fights. He's done quite well for himself, and is not exactly the ideal target for ridicule.


Anonymous said...

>>I'm not sure what a comment like "Ruiz should have finished high school" means<<

It means "that picture sure looks funny", that's all.

Anonymous said...

The big guy looks a lot like the Dave (a.k.a. Mastadon) character from the Marvel New Universe title D.P. 7 -- eerie.

kyyle23 said...

I was just reading a story about how Nikolai beat up some parking garage gaurd for telling his wife to park somewhere else. Apparently there were witnesses watching him pummel a 61 year old man who was begging him to stop. Gotta love those big brutes.

You know what he looks like to me, is bullet-tooth from the movie snatch, on steroids.

Edward Liu said...

Roel: "I'm not sure what a comment like "Ruiz should have finished high school" means..."

I think it was just suggesting that the photo might have been a normal sized guy boxing an elementary school kid, not some weird crack at Ruiz's educational level.

Dye that guy orange and you've got Sasquatch for the Alpha Flight movie.

Word verification: stsnp. Saint Snap! Yea verily, you di'int!

Michael said...

The "little" guy (Ruiz) supposedly stands 6'2" (although many ringside observers think that's inflated by a couple inches) and is widely regarded as one of the least entertaining heavyweights of the modern era. This was probably his most interesting fight in years, simply due to the "Holy frijoles, would you look at the size of that guy?!?" factor that Valuev brings. And, for the record, there was NO Photoshopping of that image. Ruiz tends to bend down when he fights, so he practically had to jump to go after this guy's head. There is a bit of skewed perspective going on there, though. I've seen Valuev stand next to Don King, and he didn't look nearly that huge.

Word verification: Sochyz - which might very well be the name of Valuev's cutman.

chickenscratch said...

Now that I think about it, he looks rather like Kevin O'Neill's version of Edward Hyde...

(Word verification. Yqbaavgq. The sound of a particularly nasty bout of vomiting.)

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