Thursday, October 13, 2005

New! The F*@% YEAH FILES

Okay, I’m starting a new ongoing feature here at Dave’s Long Box – The F*@% Yeah Files.

The F*@% Yeah Files will spotlight those scenes in comic books that made me as a reader stop and say, “Fuck yeah!” That may not be literally what I was moved to say by a particular scene; I would be just as likely to say, “Oh, hell yeah” or “That’s what I’m talking about” or “Kiss my grits!” You get the picture. The F*@% Yeah Files will celebrate the Airwolfness of a particular scene or panel that has moved me in some way.

I think I might enlist Thumbs-Up Celine Dion to help me give appropriate props to these great moments in comic history. I don’t know; I can’t decide if Celine Dion is comedy gold or comedy poison.

Any questions? You, in the back, with the sweater.

Q: Yeah, will this be just like, a rehash of the Top 10 Fight Scenes thread that every single comic book message board has?

A: No, although I will probably include some fighting, yeah. My goal for the F*@% Yeah Files is to explore cool shit, not just fighting.

Okay, next? You there, the Tim Curry looking motherfucker.

Q: What did you think of Serenity?

A: Haven’t seen it.

Q: (Gasp) Whaaat? I’ll buy you a ticket! You should go now – stop typing and go see it now! Joss needs your support, he –

A: You know, if I have time I’ll get around to it.

Q: You’ll get around to it? Jesus Christ! Who are you? I thought you were one of us!

A: Okay, enough dude. Any other questions? Yes, young man in the front.

Q: What about doing the top ten comic book movies ever?

A: Good question. I feel like so many people have weighed in on that one that it wouldn’t be anything new. I’d probably have the same top ten as somebody else, anyway.

Q: Do you think Fantastic Four was the best comic book movie ever?

A: No. You’re high.

Q: You’re high. You probably think Blade: Trinity was the best, don’t you?

A: I never said that.

Q: You’re gay for Ryan Reynolds, aren’t you?

A: No, I’m not.

Q: But do you think he’s attractive in that movie?

A: Ryan Reynolds? Well, I mean, he’s very fit…

Q: See? Your gayness for Ryan Reynolds has warped your judgment, and you can’t acknowledge that Fantastic Four was the best comic book movie ever.

A: Okay, next question. Turtleneck gal.

Q: Why do you hate Serenity so much?

A: Lady, I haven’t even –

Q: What do you have against Browncoats? How can you be so full of hate?

A: I don’t -- Oh my God! GUN! GUN!!!

(gunfire)

Okay, no more fake Q&A sessions for me, they’re dangerous, and not very funny.

Next: the first entry in the F*@% Yeah Files delves into the awesomeness that results when The Flash believes he can fly.

43 comments:

Chuck T. said...

Flying Flash? Maybe Flash, current series, issue #51? Sweet Monkey Jebus, I'm so jealous of your blog! I need a better job with less work, more free time, and maybe put the wife, kids, and dog in carbonite so I can get blog done...well, maybe not. But thanks for all the fun!

Captain Infinity said...

Great idea. I wish I had thought of it. But since I didn't I can let you do all of the actual work while I can sit here in my underwear and eat Oreos.

Scipio said...

I'm gay for RYAN REYNOLDS!

Konstantinos Stamoulis said...

Ok, The Dark Knight and Watchmen ought to be in there. The most quintessential F*@% Yeah comics, evar.

Rasselas said...

Elektra: Assassin! Elektra: Assassin! Er, I mean, terrific idea.

Dan Coyle said...

I declare the concept of F-yeah files to be totally and completely AIRWOLF.

And some suggestions for the files already:

Speed Demon running out to sea with one of Von Strucker's nukes to save everyone in New Thunderbolts #6

Optimus Prime flying straight into Unicron with the Matrix in Transformers #75

Dwight and the girls springing the trap on the mobsters at the end of The Big Fat Kill

DD appearing in costume on the final page of issue #232

Hal Jordan decking Batman in Rebirth #6

Flash stopping Reverse Flash from killing Linda in Flash #79

"Larry- YOU GOT DICK!!!"- Badger saves the doc in Shattered Mirror #4

Ken Begg said...

But the Flash could fly...whenever the animators of Challenge of the Superfriends forgot he couldn't.

I was watching an episode earlier this week, and Samurai teleported...apparently because the writers forget that that was El Dorado's superpower and not his.

That was a great series.

emoticripple said...

Sounds great, Dave. I meant to thank you: I sent your Airwolf 'Dude' image to my girlfriend as a birthday card. She swooned.

Also, I would like to nominate for this feature, if I may, the scene at the end of Preacher number 11 or 12 (sorry, can't remember) after John Wayne has just talked Jesse up out of his funk in Angelville and he's 'Walking Tall' down the hallway. Totally Airwolf.

RobB said...

You just watched Team America, didn't you?

Rasselas said...

What about the "Drinking Man's Tour of the Galaxy" issues of Nexus? In my memory, those are chock-full of Airwolf.

Neez said...

cant wait to read this Dave.

Oh, and PLEASE, mention that time in JLI #3 or 5 when Batman punched Guy Gardner. damn that was classic!

"One punch!"

Kevin Church said...

You know, there were Browncoats in the sixties, too.

They were called Trekkies.

Gayest Neil said...

Dave, I can't believe you haven't seen Serenity yet! You really ought to go. Zoe is a kick ass beeotch. I'm totally straight for her.

Michael K. Willis said...

Celine Dion is ALWAYS comedy gold...ya can't go wrong with the overwrought Canadian songbird!

tomthedog said...

You haven't seen Serenity? Don't you know that means the terrorists have won?

Why do you INSIST on hating America??

Bill said...

Powerless Storm hands Cyclops his ass in a battle for leadership of the X-Men. F*@% Yeah!

Dweeze said...

It's your blog and all that, and I, just a lowly reader, but I am not comfortable with the word "fuck" that close to a picture of Celine Dion. I just don't want to associate those two concepts with each other.

Monkey In Blender said...

You know, there were Browncoats in the thirties, too.

They were called Nazis.

Joss Whedon supports the Holocaust.

Monkey In Blender said...

Wait, wait, those were brownSHIRTS. But my point still stands: Whedon is a Nazi.

David Campbell said...

The powerless Storm vs Cyclops duel was excellent, that's definitely going in. And Daredevil #232 - you know that's going in there. That made Young Dave cry.

If Serenity had Ryan Reynolds in it, I would have seen it twice by now.

Edward Liu said...

Is DD #232 the second-to-last chapter of "Born Again?"

If so, then F$@% YEAH, man. F$@% yeah.

If you're taking requests, I rather liked Swamp Thing telling Anton Arcane that "I am in my place of power...and YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE COME HERE!" that happened somewhere in the "Love and Death" TPB. Only he said it with a lot more ellipses.

There was also Abby's last line of dialogue in the "Rite of Spring" story, which is a F%@% YEAH moment in a lot more ways than one.

Andy said...

"The powerless Storm vs Cyclops duel was excellent, that's definitely going in."

Oh hell. Storm gets a Fuck Yeah moment?! I believed in you, sir, and now my faith has been crushed like a paper napkin...

Patrick said...

You simply must have that badass bit from JLA/Avengers #4 where the united Justice League and Avengers are charging Krona's fortress yelling "Avengers Assemble!"

Sweet Jesus, that image was awesome. George Perez+ Superman using Cap's Shield+ General Awesomeness = Classic.

Verity Kindle said...

Zoe is enough to turn a straight woman into a militant lesbian. Seriously. I only have the values my parents taught me to hold on to at this point, because she. is. that. hot.
Also, Ryan Reynolds is not that hot. Nathan Fillion is, on the other hand. Straight guys, stay away from Nathan Fillion, for the continuation of the human race. Oh, I forgot. Serenity! Serenity! Browncoats are the only truly hardcore fans left post-Star Trek.

Tenzil said...

Oh, I got a nomination or two.

THE GOLDEN AGE, it's in the trade. End of the book.

Basically the JSA is getting the snot kicked out of them by a (SPOILER) superpowered Adolf Hitler.

He is waxing them. There are two FUCK YEAH moments.

1. Hawkman shows up and hits Adolf in the face with his mace. The V.O. is the magic - "But he'd felt WORSE..endured MORE...in Egypt..ANCIENT EGYPT. When he was a KING.

Oh, fuck yeah. pure heroic.

2. Then Green Lantern shows up. The entire buildup of the book is what a pussy Alan Scott's become. Then comes one of the most brutal of all comic book fights. No dialogue, just grunting. GL knocks Hitler's teeth out. Repeatedly. Then GL LOSES TO HITLER.

HITLER THEN BREAKS STARMAN'S GRAVITY ROD IN HALF.

It's one of my fave fights of all time.

Don't cry, kids- the JSA wins in the end.

Also from DC- the end of the Great Darkness Saga (LSH) when Supergirl springs a surprise attack on Darkseid and hits him so hard he goes into orbit. Pretty good.

But the hands down, #1 FUCK YEAH moment of all time is from Grant Morrison's JLA. It's the end of Rock of Ages. it takes place in a future where Darkseid takes over the earth.

Brace yourself.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Green Arrow and the Atom KILL DARKSEID. KILL him. Actual death occurs. Arrow shoots a flare arrow, which bounces off Darkseid's force field. Atom then rides the photons from the light flash thru the field, into Darkseid's eyes and optic nerve into his brain. Then he shoots Darkseid's brain with laserbeams. You really have to see the scene to believe it, it's unreal. They fucking kill Darkseid. In continuity.

Gotta love Grant Morrison.

Dan Jacobson said...

There's this scene in an old issue of Spectacular Spider-Man where Spidey, Flash and Razorback are chained to a wall in a room with a ticking time bomb and no hope of escape. Razorback is all talking about how if only he could reach the little button on his belt... but alas he is chained up. Spidey then makes a bunch of repeated attempts to bank a shot of webbing off the ceiling and hit RB's belt, and when he finally does, Razorback's fucking truck comes smashing through the wall, man! And thereby, they are all saved. This is not any sort of major historic or iconic scene, but I think you'll all agree that the presence of Razorback is enough to push it up into Fuck Yeah! territory.

But never mind all that. Celine Dion has some serious Even-Cowgirls-Get-The-Blues thumbs. I mean, Jesus Christ, man, they're gargantuan!

Kodos said...

The woman with the mutant thumbs scares me!

Dan Coyle said...

You know who else has mutant thumbs? Uma Thurman. She's always wearing prosthetics but in Even Cowgirls Get the Blues she wasn't, and WOW they were big.

Cove West said...

F*@% YEAH Moments off the top of my head:

1. The 853rd Century Superman punching his way into the future in DC 1,000,000 #4.

2. Wonder Woman holding back the ark of the Angelic Host, burning flesh be damned, in JLA #7.

3. Huntress alone against the Joker and his gang at the end of No Man's Land.

4. "Many questions, mighty Surtur. One answer." Loki arrives to help Thor and Odin save the universe at the end of the Surtur Saga.

5. 3's dying "uh-oh" in WE3 #3.

I could go on and on. F*@% yeah, Dave, this idea was totally Airwolf. If only you could find a F*@% Yeah moment in a Boob War book.

Bill Reed said...

F*@% moments for consideration:

Man Without Fear: Matt standing in the rain, on the rooftop, preparing to totally go and kick some ass.

JLA #3: Batman vs. the Martians.

Yeah, Wally West has lots of 'em. Lots.

One of Walt's Thors... be it Skurge at the bridge (though you probably did a post on this already. My memory is pudding, tho), or Loki shouting "for myself!" or, actually, when Balder goes apeshit and kills everyone in that one issue. Or when Thor becomes the Destroyer.

Oh, and you do have to see Serenity, gorram it, because it's totally got the most Airwolf moment in any film in ages. Totally a F#@# yeah moment. You'll know it when you see it.

Vienneau said...

You sir, have an incredible wit and charm. Each new update is more delightful than the last. The snappy one-liners have hit me where it hurts (but in a good way).

I'm a funny guy (no, honest), but I bow to your talent. And I couldn't help but let you know as a small token of my appreciation for making my days more humourous.

Johnny B said...

Fuck yeah moment?

How about the green bubble Guy Gardner puts over Despero's head a split second before he fried Gypsy with a eye blast in Justice League whatever, late 80's version, I forget the issue number but it was in the forties. Giffen, DeMatteis, Adam Hughes era.

Dion? Comedy poison. She gives me the willies.

John DiBello said...

It's an overdone and very familiar one, but Wolverine splashing up out of the sewer at the end of one issue of the first Hellfire Club story in Uncanny X-Men:"You took your best shot, bub. Now it's my turn."

David Campbell said...

These are all great suggestions.

duncan said...

Oh, fuck - yeah.

Atom and GA beating Darkseid, if anything from the first 41 issues of JLA. Or, 'He's just a man!' Or boxing glove arrow. Or Capt. Marvel & GL in the 5th dimension.
Or Sturmer v. Eiling.

God, there's loads there.

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