Monday, October 09, 2006

X-STATIX #24 Marvel Comics, 2004

X-Statix was one of Marvel’s strangest X-books. Originally X-Statix was a revamped X-Force from writer Peter Milligan and artist Mike Allred, but they changed the name to the more appropriate X-Statix. Because really, this book is about as far from the macho X-Force pedigree as you can get. And if you don’t believe me, pick up X-Statix #24.

This issue is part of a larger storyline pitting the mod mutants of X-Statix against the stalwart Avengers in a globe-spanning hunt for pieces of Doop’s brain (I don’t have the energy to explain Doop, so check out this helpful Wikipedia entry).

In this issue, the invincible Iron Man battles X-Statix team leader Mr. Sensitive at the Church of the Naked Truth in France. The leader of the nudist sect has part of Doop’s brain, and is being manipulated by a beret-wearing French simian named, heh, Surrender Monkey. Nothing like a cheap shot at the French, eh?

Anyway, Iron Man and the aptly named Mr. Sensitive are duking it out when the cult leader puts the kibosh on the fisticuffs, pronto:

Yes. Yes, they must fight naked.

Thus begins one of the funniest and most homo-erotic fight scenes I have ever read in a non-Chris Claremont comic book.

I don’t even know what to say. I think I will just let the panels speak for themselves.

I like to think that in 2004, some kid in Idaho received a copy of X-Statix #24. Maybe his dad got him a handful of X-Men comics to keep him occupied during the road trip to Grandma’s house in Yakima and this issue made it into the pile. After finishing Wolverine, the kid moves on to X-Statix –

- and his pubescent brain explodes.

“What the--? There are naked people in this comic! Iron Man gets naked and fights this Mr. Sensitive guy. And they’re rolling around on the grass, moaning and sweating and stuff. Why is Iron Man naked? Should I tell Dad? NO! No, I’ll just keep quiet and… and I’ll read this again later at Gram Gram’s. Alone. Why is Iron Man naked? Should I like this? It’s got naked people in it. Why is Iron Man naked?”

Sure, comics aren’t just for kids, but kids read comics, and it amuses me to think of some youngster reading X-Statix #24 and just freaking the hell out. I've always enjoyed Mike Allred's work - Madman was genius - and Peter Milligan has written some great stuff. They make a good team, and produced a book that was funny, entertaining, and a little bit subversive.

Because really - that’s what comics are all about.

Oh, yeah. That kid from Idaho is totally gay now.


Anonymous said...

I am totally gay now that I have read that post.

Anonymous said...

You know, I had almost that exact same thought when I got the Dark Phoenix trade when I was 10. I am so into bondage now.

Anonymous said...

The one thing in that storyline that I may never forget is a scene (I think in part one) with the Avengers. Someone (Cap?) cries, "Avengers ASSEMBLE!" In response, the Scarlet Witch raises the roof with her arms. Like she just don't care.

Scipio said...

That's funny; I don't feel any different at all...

Edward Liu said...

"I may be naked...but I'm no QUITTER!"

Spider-Man says this to M.J. all the time when she says she has a headache.

Anonymous said...

I'm not gay, but I totally wear my underwear over my pants.

Comics are too for kids. Just really, really weird ones.

Anonymous said...

Now you've done it. I won't rest until you have Chris Claremont's Most Homo Erotic Comics Week.

Anonymous said...

"All I see is a horrible rainbow!"

Anonymous said...

Curse you Campbell. My eyes, my eyes!!

Won't someone please think of the children?!!?

Mark W. Hale said...

My personal X-Men canon more-or-less consists of Morrison's New X-Men, Steven Grant's X-Man, Alan Davis's Excalibur, and Milligan's X-Force/X-Statix.

I think this post pretty much explains why the last one is on there.

Kitty said...

I sense new desktop wallpaper!

McGone said...

True story. Strangely enough, I pulled a random comic out of one of McGone's Long Boxes today and it was X-Statix #23. How bizarre. Now as I continue the storyline, I'm going to have to wonder how I feel about Tony-being-Stark-naked. Thnaks Dave.

McGone said...

...actually, that's "Thanks, Dave."

Mob said...

Milligan has always given us some of the most morally ambivilant characters in comics, it's amusing to know that he's also had a hand in making some of The Avengers a little sexually ambivilant as well.

Mikey said...

Nex Hiatus Week (or Hiatus Fortnight)(Or Hiatus Month)

I'm making one of these:

Who's with me?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

A home erotic week? I can get behind that. Er, I meant, I would be willing to read that.

SallyP said...

Frankly, I think that the whole "Civil War" fiasco could benefit from everyone fighting nekkid. I know I'd read it.

Mike Haseloff said...

Be honest David.
The kid from Idaho. He is you, isn't he?

Y'know, they have programmes to stop that kind of nakedness at the local church.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Those are some images that I didn't need seared into my brain.

It does occur to me that most of us would react differently if it was two women fighting naked. Especially if it was a Boob War-type book. Obviously, a)there's a double standard in there, and b)that issue would be completely awesome.

Anonymous said...

Boob War and Double standard? heh heh heh. Why I am I salivating?

Mike Haseloff said...

Forget boob wars! Tell me more about print cartridges! Va-va-voom!

Anonymous said...

Lovely piece of spam there "Printer".

Its too bad this issue near the tail end of the X-statix run. I loved how they switched up the marvel universe.

Anonymous said...

In an (I'm sure) unintentional nod to how looney tunes this issue is, Iron Man is about to be struck from on high by an anvil.

In other news Wile E. Coyote has been seen in the negative zone muttering about 42 or 47 or fish or something.

Anonymous said...

That last image looks like it would make a good "THE PAIN!" banner.

Anonymous said...

I've never looked at a comics panel and felt so...dirty.Yech.

Chris Arndt said...

My eyes!

Will someone please think of the childrens' eyes that were put in my skull?

BTW... why on earth did Iron Man actually do what a French person order him to do!?

Why did Ironman obey nakedFrenchman?

The Invincible Iron Man versu the Naked French Man!

French Man wins!

DAMMIT Milligan's comic is so unrealistic. The I does not stand for France!

Tim Easy said...

Wow. I wasn't even aware of this Mike Allred atrocity. When it comes to Allred, I think I'll just stick with Madman and Red Rocket 7. Cool blog entry though, Dave. Keep up the excellent work!

Gayest Neil said...


Anonymous said...

Atrocity? I think some of y'all need to actually read Milligan and Allred's X-Force/X-Statix. The only thing that fell kind of flat was the Henrietta stuff, but that's only because they couldn't use Princess Diana.

Anonymous said...

Possibly a very wussy fight!
Mr. Sensitive defeats Ironman by jabbing him in the shoulder REALLY HARD & Ironman throws a flower at him.

Being Super-Sensitive has always seemed like a rather vague power like Transmuting Elements or Manipulating Matter. Sometimes they don't say enough!

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