Monday, October 22, 2007

SUPERMAN #9 DC Comics, 1987

Look at that cover.

That is a SHOCKER of a comic book cover! Somebody needs to tell Superman that green eye shadow doesn't work with his outfit - I don't care if he's been hit with Joker venom or not, it just doesn't work. And those eyebrows! Damn. Somebody get the Queer Eye guys in here, 'cause Superman needs some manscaping, stat.

I am an unreserved fan of John Byrne's relaunch of the Superman books in the mid-Eighties. Byrne wrote and drew a completely revamped Superman with the ground-breaking mini-series Man of Steel, then followed up with a new Superman comic and a brand new Action Comics team-up title. Times were good for Superman fans.

In this issue, written and pencilled by Byrne with inks by Karl "Under Twelve Parsecs" Kessel, The Joker decides that Gotham isn't challenging enough so he comes to Metropolis to screw with Superman. That's just asking for trouble. But The Joker is crazy and ambitious, so it's understandable if not wise.

The story is short, but longer than you would think a Superman vs Joker match-up would run. I'd say it would last all of three panels under normal circumstances, but John Byrne uses The Riddler Factor to good effect here, postponing the inevitable and lopsided showdown between godlike alien being and skinny clown for as long as possible.

As stated elsewhere, The Riddler Factor is:

"...that combination of luck, moxie, and plot contrivance that allows lame
villains to survive when they are hopelessly outclassed by their superhero
opponents. "

The whole thing begins with a clone of Superman robbing the Metropolis Diamond exchange by getting all Jokery and releasing deadly green gas from his robot ears. Like so:

Turns out the Superman robot has a live thermonuclear bomb in its chest, which Superman takes care of by flying it into space, of course. That sort of begs the question: if The Joker has enough resources to build a nuclear bomb gas-spewing Superbot, why is he using it to rob jewelry stores? Because he's batshit insane, that's why.

Actually, the whole thing is part of a plot to screw with Superman. Because, as The Joker says, "Why not?" Oh, Joker, you so crazy!

One thing I am not crazy about is Byrne's take on the Clown Prince of Crime, The Joker. If memory serves, Byrne was just carrying over the Joker character design he used for the Legends mini-series. I'm a big fan of Legends, but that doesn't mean I like this look for the Joker. Check him out in this crappy scan which I swear I did not do at work:
The Joker looks creepy, but not in a scary psychopath way. It's more of a funhouse mirror kind of creepy.

Look at him. He's got David Byrne's puffy suit wardrobe, Karen Carpenter's diet plan, Donald Trump's eyebrows, George Washington's teeth, and Alien jaws. What the hell, man? I mean, clearly he's exagerrated for effect, but how does his mouth work? What would the Byrne Joker's skeleton look like, a Whitley Streiber alien? Hey, don't get me wrong, I think The Joker should be grotesque but I also think he should be recognizably human. Just a little nitpicking for you.

Minor quibbles aside, this issue was great. I'm a huge fan of Kessel's inks over Byrne's pencils and I thought this was just a great light-hearted done-in-one story.

This issue also features a fantastic Lex Luthor back-up story that deserves a post all its own.

In the short story, Lex stops his limo at a roadside diner for some bacon & eggs and a little casual, life-wrecking cruelty.

He picks a foxy married waitress named Jenny and offers her one million dollars if she'll jettison her life and come to Metropolis with him for one month. That's one million dollars for thirty days of sex with Luthor. I'd ask for two million. He tells the waitress he'll wait in his limo outside for ten minutes and then his offer will be off the table. Oh, BTW can he have his breakfast in a to-go container? KTHX

It is established that the waitress is married to a bit of a jerk, but the decision is gut-wrenching. Should she dump him and leave her simple life for a month of God-knows-what in Luthor's crib? Oh, what to do?

Of course, Lex drives off before the ten minutes have elapsed. In his limo he gloats, "Jenny Hubbard will never know what her final choice would have been. And that question will torment her for the rest of her meaningless life!" We learn that he does this stuff all the time.

I love that story! It should be called "Lex Luthor: Total Asshole."


ghostman said...

That cover looks like it's a picture of Bizarro's cousin, Fabuloso.

So we know that Superman was fully aware of the "When In Doubt, Throw Them Into Space" Rule in 1987. Too bad he'd totally forgotten it by the time Doomsday stopped by. Hell, just knocking him into the ocean would have done the trick. Grumble, grumble.

Keath007 said...

I think "Karl "Under Twelve Parsecs" Kessel" is the funniest thing I've read all month.

Anonymous said...

I've never understood this "Kessel Run" thing. Isn't a parsec a unit of distance not time?

and another thing HAN FIRED FIRST!

naginata said...

Lex Luthor: Total Asshole

I would SO read that comic. hee! :)

Chris said...

Man, nice! Sweet review, and I digs me the David Byrne big suit! But that link to the Star Wars wiki? Reading that article made my brain bleed with terror!

Anonymous said...

You know, I bought this comic on release back in high school, and I had pretty much forgotten it except for the Luthor: Asshole story. That one always stuck with me as summing up Luthor's character perfectly - all the wealth and power in the world, but the little things mean everything to him. Never too busy to stop and fuck with someone....

Anonymous said...

Pretty sure it's Karl Kesel, Dave. Don't let Sims see this blatant "I don't know my comic creators" sort of gaffe or you'll never live it down :)

Anonymous said...

I dunno. Was it really an improvement to make Krypton a sterile planet of superscientific emotionless drone-people dressed in... I don't know, what the hell were those things they were wearing? Clothing made of sticks?

Byrne's Krypton made thematic sense -- the Kryptonians were an evolutionary dead end because they gave up love, love is what makes Superman super -- but otherwise, it was a dud. Boring. You couldn't do anything with it. And Byrne sacrificed any sense of either glory or tragedy; Krypton was dead inside anyway, so who cared when it died?

I'm not nostalgic for Silver Age DC generally, but the Krypton with the Crimson Forest and the headbands? That Krypton totally rocked. It was -- what are the kids calling it these days? -- a story engine.

(I'm don't know what Krypton is like these days. Do I want to know?)

Doug M.

not that anonymous said...

It's definitely Kesel. Maybe I'm wrong, but I figured that Dave spelled it "Kessel" on purpose just to work the whole Star Wars joke in. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the sake of Art. (Which Art, you ask? Garfunkel.)

cbrown said...

Didn't they bring Jenny Hubbard back years later, and have her try to assasinate Luthor or something? Because, you know, you really shouldn't just leave anything alone.

ghostman said...

Holy crap, cbrown, you're right. I asked the Internet, and she appeared in one other issue, Superman (Vol. 2) #163 (DEC '00), and tried to assassinate Luthor when he was running for president. (Only hit him in the leg, though--aim for center-of-mass next time, lady.) Yeah, way to piss on one of the best post-Crisis Luthor stories there, DC--just couldn't leave that unfucked-with. It's not like there aren't millions of other people who have a grudge against the bald bastard.

Bully said...

Heck, which of us hasn't tried to assassinate Luthor one or two times by now? In Metropolis, that's just a fifty dollar fine and time served.

Anonymous said...


Now that you've done your expose on Deathstroke how about Bronze Tiger and Deadshot. Complete the holy trinity of cool characters.

You can do it.

Ryan Eldridge said...

I think you need to write a letter to DC, Dave, and see if they'll hire you to write Lex Luthor: Total Asshole!

GarBut said...

"Jenny Hubbard will never know what her final choice would have been. And that question will torment her for the rest of her meaningless life!"

Fair enough, Lex, fair enough, but I bet you could have tricked JERRY Hubbard into your limo if you told him there was seom Harvey's Bristol Cream in there...

Dan said...

I just read the story where Jenny Hubbard shoots candidate Luthor last night! (don't ask why I was reading Superman: President Lex.)

Bringing Jenny back was definitely an example of needlessly reinstating a one-shot character, or as it's better known, "Disco Stu syndrome."

Brian said...

They brought her back as a failed Presidential assassin?!? Lordy, that bites.

Mind you, if this qualifies her for exile on the Salvation prison-planet, that might make for an interesting arc.

chad sexington said...

Heh. You watch, Jenny Hubbard will probably end up getting superpowers and going after Lex again, just to increase the suck. I hope she gets a Waitress-Sense--that would be handy for knowing when people need a refill, or if they're trying to skip out without paying the check.

Kate said...

Yes, a parsec IS a measure of distance, and that's entirely the point. Han is so good a navigator, he is able to take the shortest route possible to do the Kessel run while still avoiding all the dangerous stuff like asteroids and planets and debris along the way. He can cut the journey down to 12 parsecs (presumably other, less capable, people take longer routes because they're less confident in their ability to avoid the hazards and must give them a wider berth.

...Lucas talks about it in the directors commentary for ep IV if you own the DVD.

Anonymous said...

I think that Luthor back-up story and the story where Luthor finds out Superman's secret identity were absolutely the two best parts of Byrne's run, at least from what I remember of it -- and Superman was only in one of them, tangentially at best. "You must call me Lex now, my dear."

I would totally buy Lex Luthor: Total Asshole.

De said...

I couldn't help myself:

My tribute to Superman #9

Trevor said...

"Somebody get the Queer Eye guys in here, 'cause Superman needs some manscaping, stat."

Turn in your testicles to the proper authorities, you are no longer authorized to use them.

Anonymous said...

Hey, instead of "Lex Luthor: Total Asshole", let's have Millar write it and be "Lex Luthor: Ultimate Arsehole"!

Anonymous said...



A片,色情,成人,做愛,情色文學,A片下載,色情遊戲,色情影片,色情聊天室,情色電影,免費視訊,免費視訊聊天,免費視訊聊天室,一葉情貼圖片區,情色,情色視訊,免費成人影片,視訊交友,視訊聊天,視訊聊天室,言情小說,愛情小說,AIO,AV片,A漫,av dvd,聊天室,自拍,情色論壇,視訊美女,AV成人網,色情A片,SEX





Anonymous said...

借錢 二胎 當舖

當舖 票貼 借款

借貸 借貸 借錢 借錢 票貼

週轉 融資 借錢救急

借錢救急 借錢方法 借錢方法 借錢服務

借錢管道 借錢管道 借錢技巧 借錢技巧

借貸 票貼救急 借貸救急 票貼救急

借錢網 借貸網 借貸法則 票貼融資

借錢黃頁 借錢黃頁 借貸黃頁 借貸黃頁

票貼黃頁 借款黃頁 當舖黃頁 當舖黃頁

借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光 借錢找星光

Anonymous said...

^^ nice blog!! ^@^

徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 感情挽回, 婚姻挽回, 挽回婚姻, 挽回感情, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信, 捉姦, 徵信公司, 通姦, 通姦罪, 抓姦, 抓猴, 捉猴, 捉姦, 監聽, 調查跟蹤, 反跟蹤, 外遇問題, 徵信, 捉姦, 女人徵信, 女子徵信, 外遇問題, 女子徵信, 徵信社, 外遇, 徵信公司, 徵信網, 外遇蒐證, 抓姦, 抓猴, 捉猴, 調查跟蹤, 反跟蹤, 感情挽回, 挽回感情, 婚姻挽回, 挽回婚姻, 外遇沖開, 抓姦, 女子徵信, 外遇蒐證, 外遇, 通姦, 通姦罪, 贍養費, 徵信, 徵信社, 抓姦, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信公司, 女人徵信, 外遇

徵信, 徵信網, 徵信社, 徵信網, 外遇, 徵信, 徵信社, 抓姦, 徵信, 女人徵信, 徵信社, 女人徵信社, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信公司, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 女人徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 女子徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社,

徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 外遇, 抓姦, 離婚, 外遇,離婚,

徵信, 外遇, 離婚, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦, 徵信社, 征信, 征信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 征信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信, 外遇, 抓姦

Anonymous said...

看房子,買房子,建商自售,自售,台北新成屋,台北豪宅,新成屋,豪宅,美髮儀器,美髮,儀器,髮型,EMBA,MBA,學位,EMBA,專業認證,認證課程,博士學位,DBA,PHD,在職進修,碩士學位,推廣教育,DBA,進修課程,碩士學位,網路廣告,關鍵字廣告,關鍵字,廣告,課程介紹,學分班,文憑,牛樟芝,段木,牛樟菇,日式料理, 台北居酒屋,燒肉,結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,台北結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,造型系列,學位,牛樟芝,腦磷脂,磷脂絲胺酸,SEO,婚宴,捷運,學區,美髮,儀器,髮型,牛樟芝,腦磷脂,磷脂絲胺酸,看房子,買房子,建商自售,自售,房子,捷運,學區,台北新成屋,台北豪宅,新成屋,豪宅,學位,碩士學位,進修,在職進修, 課程,教育,學位,證照,mba,文憑,學分班,網路廣告,關鍵字廣告,關鍵字,SEO,关键词,网络广告,关键词广告,SEO,关键词,网络广告,关键词广告,SEO,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,婚宴,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,婚宴,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,婚宴,結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,居酒屋,燒烤,美髮,儀器,髮型,美髮,儀器,髮型,美髮,儀器,髮型,美髮,儀器,髮型,小套房,小套房,進修,在職進修,留學,證照,MBA,EMBA,留學,MBA,EMBA,留學,進修,在職進修,牛樟芝,段木,牛樟菇,住宿,民宿,飯宿,旅遊,住宿,民宿,飯宿,旅遊,住宿,民宿,飯宿,旅遊,住宿,民宿,飯宿,旅遊,住宿,民宿,飯宿,旅遊,住宿,民宿,飯宿,旅遊,住宿,民宿,飯宿,旅遊,美容,美髮,整形,造型,美容,美髮,整形,造型,美容,美髮,整形,造型,美容,美髮,整形,造型,美容,美髮,整形,造型,美容,美髮,整形,造型,美容,美髮,整形,造型,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,進修,在職進修,MBA,EMBA,進修,在職進修,MBA,EMBA,進修,在職進修,MBA,EMBA,進修,在職進修,MBA,EMBA,進修,在職進修,MBA,EMBA,進修,在職進修,MBA,EMBA,進修,在職進修,MBA,EMBA,住宿,民宿,飯店,旅遊,美容,美髮,整形,造型,設計,室內設計,裝潢,房地產,進修,在職進修,MBA,EMBA

Anonymous said...

專業合法驅除白蟻 除白蟻 白蟻防治 跳蚤 除跳蚤 跳蚤防治 蛀蟲 除蛀蟲 蛀蟲防治 白蟻 除白蟻 白蟻防治 跳蚤 除跳蚤 跳蚤防治 蛀蟲 除蛀蟲 蛀蟲防治除蟲除蟲消毒消毒

Anonymous said...

借錢 票貼 借錢 借貸 借貸 借錢 當舖 借貸 當舖 當舖 票貼 借款 借貸 借錢 票貼 二胎 週轉 融資 借錢 借款 當舖 二胎 票貼 借貸 借錢 借貸 票貼 當舖黃頁 借錢黃頁 貼現黃頁 借錢黃頁 借貸黃頁 借貸黃頁 當舖黃頁 貼現黃頁 票貼黃頁 二胎黃頁 融資黃頁 借錢 借貸 票貼 借貸 借錢找星光 借貸找星光 票貼黃頁 借錢 當舖 票貼 借錢 借貸 借款 貼現 貼現

Anonymous said...

nike tnEnter the necessary language translation, up to 200 bytes winter, moves frequently in Chinanike chaussures showing that the deep strategy of the Chinese market. Harvard Business School, tn chaussures according to the relevant survey data show that in recent years the Chinese market three brands, Adidas, mens clothingpolo shirts Li Ning market share at 21 percent, respectively, 20%, 17%. The brand is first-line to three lines of urban competition for mutual penetration. Side of theworld,announced layoffs, while China's large-scale facilities fists. The sporting goods giant Nike's every move in the winter will be fully exposed its strategy. Years later, the Nike, Inc. announced the world's Fan

Anonymous said...

cheap polos
polo shirts
ralph lauren polo shirtssport shoes
ugg boots
puma shoes
chaussures pumamp4
trade chinalacoste polo shirts
chaussure puma femmewedding dressestennis racket
cheap handbags

Anonymous said...

MENSCLOTHING mans clothing
cheap ugg boots
converse shoes
wedding dresses
wholesale polo shirts
brand clothingcheap clothing
clothes sportspolos shirtair shoesair shoesed hardy clothinged hardy clothing

Anonymous said...

cheap hair straightenerscheap flat ironnew polo shirtssexy lingerie storepolo shirtsnorth face jacketschi straightenerpink chichaussures puma chaussure puma

Anonymous said...

hair straightenersugg bootscheap handbagscheap bagscheap pursetnspyder jacketstattoo wholesalejackets worldjackets cartmen's clothingwomen's clothing

Anonymous said...

Fendi handbags Givenchy handbags Gucci handbags Hermes handbags Jimmy Choo handbags Juicy Couture handbags lsabella Fiore handbags Miu Miu handbags Mulberry handbags Prada handbags Tods handbags Versace handbags Yves Saint Laurent handbags

Anonymous said...

Men's Lacoste Polo Shirts Men's RL Striped Polo Shirts Women's Lacoste Polo Shirts Men's polo shirts Men's polo shirts Men's polo shirts 4 polo shirts Women's polo shirts 21 polo shirts Men's polo shirts Women's LACOSTE 5 PCS of Ralph Women's lacoste polo shirts

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

不動産ソープランドアクセスカウンターコレステロール中性脂肪花粉症在宅ワーク内職在宅アルバイト乾燥肌ダイエット 食事サプリメント無料占い出会い山口クレジットカード現金化クレジット現金化ライブチャットフィリピンチャットレディパソコン在宅ワーク

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

借錢 票貼 借錢 借貸 借貸 借錢 當舖 借貸 當舖 當舖 票貼 借款 借貸 借錢 票貼 二胎 週轉 融資 借錢 借款 當舖 二胎 票貼 借貸 借錢 借貸 票貼 當舖黃頁 借錢黃頁 貼現黃頁 借錢黃頁 借貸黃頁 借貸黃頁 當舖黃頁 貼現黃頁 票貼黃頁 二胎黃頁 融資黃頁 借錢 借貸 票貼 借貸 票貼 借錢優質黃頁 借貸優質黃頁 票貼黃頁 借錢 當舖 票貼 借錢 借貸 借款 貼現 貼現 當舖聯盟網 當舖聯盟網 當舖聯盟網 借錢 票貼 借貸 當舖 票貼 借貸 借錢 當舖聯盟網 當舖聯盟網 網站分類 網站搜索 網站搜尋 網站黃頁 網站名錄 網址目錄 directory 網站登錄 網站目錄 交換連結 台灣網站指南 網站指南 借錢 借錢 借貸 借貸 票貼 借款 借貸 借貸 借錢 借貸 借錢

eda said...




Anonymous said...


aiya said...

Office 2010
Microsoft Office 2010
Microsoft word
Office 2007
Microsoft Office
Microsoft Office 2007
Office 2007 key
Office 2007 download
Office 2007 Professional
Outlook 2010
Microsoft outlook
Microsoft outlook 2010
Windows 7

Anonymous said...

Microsoft Office
Office 2010
Microsoft Office 2010
Office 2010 key
Office 2010 download
Office 2010 Professional
Microsoft outlook
Outlook 2010
Windows 7
Microsoft outlook 2010

Solomon said...

map of the world

ceramic straighteners

closet design

medical furniture

new jersey attractions

wood file cabinets for the home

river walks san antonio

hair salons in san antonio

san diego events this weekend

real estate Florida

Jeremiah said...

I read really much worthwhile data in this post!
pc card | leg cramps cause | leaking

Blogger said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Blogger said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Blogger said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.