Thursday, March 09, 2006

Dave's Long Box presents Out-of-Context-Theater

Here's a panel from Ultraforce, taken out of context. Although it's unclear what the hell he's talking about, I think I'm going to adopt that phrase for my own personal use:
  • "Dude, if you take the last beer I will fucking shorten you!"
  • "You kids be quiet or so help me God, I will pull this car over and shorten the both of you!"
  • "I feel like you're not treating me with respect and dignity. Everytime I try to express my feelings it feels like you're shortening me. And that hurts."


Peter MacDonald said...

"Lo, There Shall Come... a SHORTENING!"

Matthew said...

Robert Heinlein used to use that phrase a fair bit, I think.

It means decapitate.

Does that make it more or less badass?

Chawunky said...

Between "airwolf", "fool it now", and most recently "I will shorten you", this site's contribution to my vocabulary is astounding.

Thank you, thank you, Dave's Long Box! For making me laugh about love--again.

My word verification, "vweyu", is clearly the evil brother of the young hero of The Neverending Story.

Bully said...

Fool it now, I think it's totally Airwolf that you're shortening.

These are my words.

Blockade Boy said...

Neato! Let me try.

"I think somebody's due for a low-cholesterol, butter-flavored shortening!"

Huh. I don't think I did that right.

Cesar- said...

"By all that I hold sacred and True, take one more step and I will shorten you"

Hmm, has a certain ring tis true.


Dan Coyle said...

"If this be my SHORTENING!"

"My brother... My SHORTENING!"


philip said...

The bolding of the pronoun HIM in that sentence implies the ol' Chiselchin there has been "shortened" by whomever he is being all pissy about. And if, as Matthew says, "to shorten" means "to decapitate", that would explain the extremem close-up

joncormier said...

Lard fight! Lard fight!

PDarcy said...

OK, let's try...

"Momma's little baby loves shortening, shortening!"

One look at Sally naked shortened me right up."

Lone Commenter said...


'shorten him'



NiolK said...

I must have missed it; what does "fool it now" mean.

Tell me or I'll fuckin shorten you!

Here in Dublin we have these little urban scumbags called "Knackers" who like to start fights n' shit but they do employ some unusual phrases such as:

D'you want your go!?
Translation: I find your face offensive my good fellow and I challenge you to a bout of fisticuffs.

or the updated version:

D'you want a straightner?!
Translation: You brute, your jaloppi overtook my Hansom in a most unpleasant manor! A gentlemans fracas is in order!

Jim said...

"F*ck! Someone shortened my toothepaste."

Alex said...

I must have missed it; what does "fool it now" mean.

Are you kidding?! To work that out we'd need to gain insights into the darkest depths of a powerful demon's mind, and if we did that who knows what horrors we might unleash. Why, the very legions of hell could emerge and shorten us all! At the very least there could be a really big blizzard. The best we can do is pretend it was just a bad piece of writing and make jokes about it, the dark truth about "fool it now" must never be known.

(If you're really intent on damning us all, begin by reading the previous blog, but don't say I didn't warn you.)

Chawunky said...

Reading Dan Coyle's comment has inspired the following:


This strikes me as a reasonable update of the tired "SENSES-SHATTERING" trope.

Anonymous said...

So, I may be about to make an ass of myself, but at the risk of that, and having looked all over your page . . . DAVE! Don't tell me you aren't set up for feeds!

Edward Liu said...

You guys are all being totally silly about this whole "shorten" thing.

Clearly, it means he's going to sculpt a statue of him out of vegetable shortening. OK, that link is about statues made of lard, but it's almost totally the same thing. Except for the whole animal byproduct part.

chazervin said...

Well you don't want company showing up BEFORE you finish! Gotta have cleanup time, too.

missbhavens said...

a brilliant catch phrase is born. I will begin spreading it all over nyc immediately!

Micharenous said...

Love Your Blog!

Todays entry was hilarious!

Keep on, keeping on!

Trent said...

Dave, I wish I could shorten you.

gwalla said...

anonymous: The lack of feeding distresses me as well.

SanctumSanctorumComix said...

Not to contradict the fine gentleman who said to "shorten" meant to decapitate, but I've heard this phrase before... some time ago in my foggy past, and was always led to the allusion of it meaning:
"to cut off at the knees".
(not literally, but of a figurative nature)

Looking into good old WEBSTER's it mentions an entry about "depowering" or "to reduce in power or efficiency".

So, perhaps the fine, over-muscled-mandible of the illustrated "hero" is referring to a good old fashion "dissing" in front of others to humiliate the bloke who trespassed so egregiously upon him, as to make his "power" in the group to be lessened.

"Shortened" if you will.

Thus, have I spake.
Thus, have I imparted knowledge most arcane.

Thus, I need to hit my head against a wall to cease this antiquated modes of speech that I find myself betwixt and between.


Ah...that's better.


word verification:


(meaning: to be spattered with Aztec Fecal Matter. Most likely before a ceremony where you are about to be "shortened" and have your heart handed to you. Literally.)

Queen of Sheba said...

I feel it incumbent on me to point out that "Sanctumsanctorumcomix"'s handle takes on an entirely new meaning when seen from a Savage Love-sort of viewpoint.

SanctumSanctorumComix said...

Uh... what?

I looked up SAVAGE LOVE and came up with a Seattle paper called "THE STRANGER" with a column called "SAVAGE LOVE".

Is this it?

I did a quick skim-thru and saw a mention of "Santorum" (Rick Santorum)
and a "new meaning" to his name.

Now, while I am "Sanctum SanCtorum Comix"(note the "c" in there = Meaning -according to Webster's:

sanc'tum sanc-to'rum (sangk'tem sangk tor'em) n.
1. the holy of holies of the Biblical tabernacle.
(O.K...Let's focus on #2)

sanc-tum (sangk'tem) n.
1. a sacred or holy place.
2. an inviolably private place or retreat.
3. a sanctified custom, rite, etc.

Thusly, I refer to my place of refuge when doing my "comic book geekery" as well as my love of DOCTOR STRANGE (he lives in HIS Sanctum Sanctorum) all in one fell swoop.

However, PLEASE tell me what "new meaning" have they come up with for Rich Santorum?

Inquiring minds want to know.


Mister Sinister said...

Space Ranger was shortened by Bizarro for existing too much
He will never be missed!



The sound of Wolverine slicing through eight doors & a small time thug

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