ALPHA FLIGHT #6 Marvel Comics, 1984

John Byrne is a cheeky lil’ scamp.

The writer/artist/creator of Alpha Flight, the ULTIMATE Canadian superhero team, had deservedly achieved superstar status by the mid-80’s after legendary runs on X-Men and Fantastic Four. For an entire generation of comic book readers, John Byrne WAS Mr. Marvel Comics. Say what you want about the guy, but I think the quality of his work throughout his career and his contribution to comics is beyond question. In some circles those are fighting words, but I’m a master of Cobra Kai karate and will crush all who oppose me.

Byrne is a legend, so he can be forgiven for pulling a stunt like Alpha Flight #6, the notorious “white issue.” Personally, I thought this comic book was brilliant, but you shouldn’t listen to me – half the time I am whacked out of my mind on a potent mix of Rock Star energy drink and meth.*

One of the interesting, but not entirely successful traits of Byrne’s first year on Alpha Flight was that many issues focused on different team members in solo adventures – Alpha Flight didn’t hang out all the time playing hockey and eating donuts, they had shit to do. Alpha Flight #6 turned the spotlight on Snowbird, a magical shapeshifting woman with creepy eyes whose alter ego was RCMP constable Ann McKenzie. In this issue Snowbird battles Kolomoq, a demonic Great Beast who controls snow.

Freed from a mystic prison by unwitting miners, Kolomaq menaces Canada once again. I love Kolomaq from a character design perspective – he looks cool as hell:

Plus, anybody who refers to themselves in the third person is OK in my book.

Anyway, Kolomaq goes on a rampage and Snowbird shows up to kick his ass. I’ll bet the terrified Canadian miners were not exactly reassured by her arrival on the scene: “Crap, it’s that skinny white gal, whatshername! I was hoping for Iron Man, eh? We are hosed.”

The battle begins, and the Beast of The Snow whips up a huge blizzard:

"Fool it now!"

What? What the hell does that mean? Somebody travel back in time and fire that letterer!

Snowbird’s shapeshifting powers are limited to turning into northern animals like white owls and white polar bears. She's fighting an all-white bad guy in a snowstorm. You can see where this is heading, can’t you?

That’s right – a five and a half page fight scene on completely white pages. Well, not completely white. The dialogue and panels and captions and sound effects are still there, it’s just that you can’t see a damn thing.

Behold:

Confession: I did a little photoshopping to make the scanned art seem whiter than it actually appears in real life. This comic was printed on cheap paper and my particular copy is not in the best shape, so it looks more like a fogbank than a snowstorm.

I don’t know, I think it takes balls and a sense of humor to pull something like that off. Even as a youngster I remember feeling a certain admiration for Byrne. I didn’t feel ripped off at all, I was amused and taken with the novelty of the whole thing. I mean, the story is still there. There are just no drawings.

Alpha Flight #6. Come on – admit it, it’s pretty clever. Set aside your Byrne Bigotry for a minute and give the man some props.

*I’m kidding, mom. I don’t drink that much Rock Star.