Oh, man. Just looking at the cover - stretchy Jimmy Olsen -- you know this is going to suck. Which begs the question: why did you buy this, Dave? Even back in 1989, surely you knew this wasn't going to be a good comic. I honestly don't know what I was thinking.
I really am just reviewing this so I can make fun of Jimmy Olsen. Is he anybody's favorite character? I'm sure he's somebody's favorite - even the lamest character has a #1 Fan. I call this "The Night Ranger Factor." To this day, there are people out there in the world who, defying all reason, are HUGE fans of the band Night Ranger. Judging by the results of a quick Google search, there are quite a few people who can claim to be Night Ranger's #1 Fan. My point is, no matter how ridiculous or suck-ass a character, movie, book, or band is, there's always somebody out there who totally digs it. I believe this is a universal truth. Somewhere in our great nation there lurks a guy (come on, you know it's a guy) who can accurately call himself Jimmy Olsen's #1 Fan.
I am not that person.
Jimmy Olsen is the Jar Jar Binks of the comic book world - looking at him just makes me angry. Jimmy Olsen is the Avatar of Uncool. He's just -- just-- GOD, HE IS SUCH A TOOL!!!
Case in point: Adventures of Superman #458, wherein Jimmy Olsen suddenly develops uncontrollable stretching powers similar to the Elongated Man. You see, there's this virus... ah, screw it. I'm not here to explain the plot, I'm just here to mock Jimmy Olsen.
Jimmy is sprung on Daily Planet reporter Cat Grant, and in an effort to convince her he's cool, he joins her aerobics class. Clark Kent, Lois Lane, and half the staff of the Daily Planet also attend this class because... well, because the plot demands that they be there. Jimmy has no hope in hell of ever getting anywhere with Cat, but his complete lack of self-awareness shields him from this brutal truth. It's almost as if Jimmy comes from the alien world, not Clark -- an alien world where the concept of "cool" doesn't exist.
So anyway, Jimmy shows up at this aerobics class to impress Cat, and things go horribly wrong. Check it out (click to enlarge):
Sweet Moses, what is he wearing?! Borrowing the Hulk's color scheme, Jimmy wears a purple leotard with green briefs. That'll get the chicks, Jimmy. Tool. I like the little inset panels of Jimmy's face on this page - it looks like he's trying to pass a kidney stone or something.
Jimmy's weird stretching powers manifest themselves suddenly and painfully in the aerobics class. Some well intentioned gym-goers try to help him while Clark dashes out and changes into Superman. Observe:
Cat Grant's kid sees the elastic chaos and says: "What's all the noise about -- Wow. For cool!" Yeah, I don't know what that means, either. Maybe the kid is an adopted Russian orphan who is charmingly mangling American slang or something.
All right, that's it. The comic goes on, but really, who cares? Jimmy lives to annoy another day and stalk more Daily Planet staff in the future. I just wanted to show everybody Jimmy's neat leotards, which are truly "for cool."
45 comments:
Hey! I happen to like Night Ranger! =)
Damn! I'm alienating my readership! I knew I should have picked Right Said Fred instead of Night Ranger...
OK, pretend it reads: "The Right Said Fred Factor"
Who's the artist on that? Every single line looks like it was drawn with a ruler.
Looks like the Jergens/Art Thibert combo.
Dork knowledge for thou: Jimmy was once, back in the pre-Crisis heyday, also known as Elastic Lad. He'd drink a special serum and . . . yeah. In fact, Alan Moore actually killed him in the "Last Superman Story," when him & Lana Lang (in her Insect Queen guise) fight to help Superman.
Anyway, he had a purple costume with ELASTIC LAD written on it in big all-caps, and, YEESH, but it was awful. Apparently this was a terribly misguided attempt to evoke "nostaliga" in a post-Crisis way, which also leads to . . . a Superboy with a bowl-cut and an earring. GRODY.
Or, Klaus Janson on inks? Can't tell. The Sucking is TOO STRONG.
In keeping with the "Right Said Fred Factor," Jimmy's too sexy for his purple leotards.
For cool? For shame...
Art-wise, my guess is Jon Bogdanove (sp?) and Janson. Seemed like he was always drawing Superman back then.
Jimmy was always annoying, but no more so after the Superman reboot, when the writers seems to have this odd compulsion to re-tell those "classic" Silver Age Jimmy Olsen stories, but realistically: in other words, with all the fun sucked out of it...
This is one of those stories and instead of Jimmy reveling in his new found powers, he just wninges for pages and pages and pages.
I'll go on record as a Jimmy Olsen fan. Why? Because insane shit happens to this kid on almost an hourly basis.
You can't leave him alone for 5 minutes without him either mutating or becoming unstuck in time.
The kid's seen it all and done it all. I imagine him writing Robert Evans - style memoirs in 10 years.
"Did I turn into a giant turtle monster? I sure did. Did I drink the elastic serum? You bet. Did I marry a gorilla? And how. Do I regret any of it? NOT ON YOUR LIFE, PAL."
Who's the artist on that? Every single line looks like it was drawn with a ruler.
If I recall correctly, that was actually Jurgens' first issue on the book. I think that Thibert was his inker; but I can't remember.
Or, Klaus Janson on inks? Can't tell. The Sucking is TOO STRONG.
Good call. According to this site, it's Jurgens/Janson.
http://tinyurl.com/cm8vr
All these people work at the 'Daily Planet', not at the 'Daily Bugle' .
Cripes! Thanks Konstantinos, good save! How embarassing... I'm changing it from Bugle to Planet pronto.
And yes, it was Jurgens with Janson on inks. I didn't mention that in my post because it really fucks up my whole "Klaus Janson is the best inker EVER" theory.
No. Kevin Nowlan's the best inker ever.
I love Right Said Fred and Jimmy Olsen, so eat it, Campbell.
OK, I think Right Said Fred were a genius one-album band. I do not know their names or anything. Ignore the fact I own a huge collection of gay-friendly dance records, mmmkay?
Jimmy Olsen is my favorite human member of the Superman supporting cast. [Krypto reigns supreme.] Those Weisenger JIMMY OLSEN comics are gloriously, gleefully moronic, yet it takes like 20 minutes to properly read an issue. They're dense in nearly every sense of the word, so I refuse to believe that Dave doesn't own them all.
Most of the rock journalists and musicians I know respect the guys in Night Ranger -- especially the band's guitarists -- even if they don't want to ever listen to NR's music again. Virtuosic performances, despite vapid content; just imagine Alex Toth at 120 decibels.
All right! Fine! I admit it - I have a Night Ranger album. And yes, Brad Gillis is a bitchin' guitarist. I may have a Weisenger issue or two as well; I'll be coy about that.
Right Said Fred, however, are no damn good. I'm sticking to my guns on that one, Kevin!
For the sake of completeness: Here's that google search.
And yet nothing on this.
Yeah, how does he fool anybody with a build like that? "Boy, I'm bushed from all these aerobics. Now I'm going to go pull a tractor with my teeth."
The kid's seen it all and done it all. I imagine him writing Robert Evans - style memoirs in 10 years.
"Did I turn into a giant turtle monster? I sure did. Did I drink the elastic serum? You bet. Did I marry a gorilla? And how. Do I regret any of it? NOT ON YOUR LIFE, PAL."
Sounds like the beginning of the Funniest Blog Ever.
Ahhh...Elastic Lad. Am I the only one who has one of the last issues of DC COMICS PRESENTS whereing Superman Teams up with....THE ELASTIC FOUR (they are so ultra cool* I reserved bolding, italicising, and capitalizing for them, and them alone in this post.)
As for Bogdanove, I tend to think he is the only artist worse than Rob Liefeld to at one time, consistently get work, and on SUPERMAN no less. God his art was like a sharp, jagged piece of ice in my eyes.
**and by ultra cool I mean incredibly lame
OK, I suck for not picking up that Jimmy's work-out garb was actually his Elastic Lad costume, sans logo.
I don't suck as bad as Night Ranger, though...
Oh, c'mon man, Jimmy Olsen #141 had one of the coolest non-monkey covers ever.
Kirby on JO was one long super-hero head-trip!
That is a thing of beauty.
WTF? Why are Superman and Guardian carrying a picture of Don Rickles?
Maybe it has something to do with the greatest climax in comic's history.
Yail Bloor
You know what, Dave?
I absolutely LOVED that issue...
http://www.tgfa.org/comics/jimmy_olsen/jimmy_olsen.htm
nuff said
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