Saturday, April 02, 2005

Lame-ass villain #2: Anaconda



What's wrong with Anaconda?

First of all, she's a woman and her name is Anaconda. Second, her powers: her arms stretch out into these big constricting snake-like appendages. I don't know, the whole thing is very Freudian and weird. Penis envy much, Anaconda?

Anaconda was/is a member of the Serpent Society, who on the Villain Threat Scale are right above Power Pack and right below the Salem Seven. Sad.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Let us just refer to her as Manaconda!

Anonymous said...

Serpant society ugh... They showed up in like a hundred issues of Gruenwald's Captain America in a row.

Anonymous said...

I disagree -- the Serpent Society was one of the only villain groups to actually get their missions accomplished with style and class. And Anaconda was actually one of the stronger members of the group (she nearly took out Cap plenty of times).

Filthy McMonkey said...

I always thought that the Serpent Society had great potential, but they watered it down with too many lame-asses. With the right character development, they coulda been really cool.

Anonymous said...

Got to disagree with this one. Loved Anaconda in Marvel Two In One.

Nef. said...

The Serpent Society were awesome. Who doesn't like Death Adder?

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Mister Sinister said...

Serpent Society kicks ass. The living ones at least. Why does "ANACONDA" have fins on her face? WHen did anacondas develop that. And for the record shes probably a dude

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ghostman said...

Hey, don't be hatin' on Anaconda--it's tough to be a plus-size woman trying to make it in a male-dominated field like supervillainy. Especially in comics, where even normal women are drawn to look like Dolly Parton in zero gravity. Plus she's got Tweek hair, gills on her face (that's what those fins are, mister sinister), and those creepy damn tentacles, which means that her dating prospects are pretty much limited to supervillains who are also hentai fans. No wonder she's cranky. You think you've got problems--try not being able to use a cell phone, a remote control, or a video game controller because you've got goddamn Stretch Armstrong arms with no fingers.

But there's a very good reason why Anaconda has Stretch Armstrong arms, because it's a little-known fact that he's actually her Dad. Yep, it's true. Everybody who was alive in the 70's remembers the lovable stretchy hero, but less well-known is his equally pliable arch-nemesis, the Stretch Monster. Well, unbeknownst to most people, and possibly Stretch himself (it's not like you can tell), Stretch Monster was actually female. But it seems they developed some chemistry at a drunken Christmas party at the Kenner toy factory, and 9 months later Anaconda was born, as seen here. And that, my friends, is the Secret Origin of Anaconda.

Anonymous said...

She looks a lot better here, as depicted by artist Jon Malin.

Felicity said...

I admire her androgynous beauty.

Sinister said...

Since when did Anacondas have gills?

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