Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Fun Google searches

I get a lot of traffic from Google, everybody does.

My neat-o Site Meter allows me to see what Google searches have landed people here at Dave's Long Box. Here then, in a feature ripped off from Dr. Scott of Polite Dissent and many other bloggers, are the highlights of the Google searches that have brought people to my humble blog within the past 24 hours alone.

Gasp at the depravity of Teh Intrnt:

  • Hulk Hogan quotes - No, seriously. What are you going to do when the 24-inch pythons and the Hulkamania comes for you?

  • Boobs definition - I am not the right person to be providing you with this information, young man.
  • Power Girl nude (#1) - Awesome! As of April 25th, 2007 I am the #1 search result for Power Girl nude. I can die in peace now.
  • Why Gambit sucks - This is a question that has furrowed the brow of many a great thinker since 1990. I have The Answer, my young padwan apprentice.

  • Gambit sucks - It's a popular topic.

  • gambit totally sucks - This person really just wants his belief system validated, and I was happy to help provide that reassurance.

  • Gambit sucks ass (#1) - There you go: April 25th, 2007! I, David Campbell, had a blog that was the #1 search result for the words Gambit and sucks and ass. King of the Internet! Right here! Woo!
  • Gambit blows - Okay, that may be true but come on, this is a family blog. Let's keep it clean.
  • Gambit uncool - You said it, bub!
  • Batman segway (#1) - Again, #1.
  • Monkey style kung fu (#1) - I am ON FIRE. This is like a dream.
  • JIHAD TRANSFORMERS - That would be terrifying.
  • Hillbilly Fight (#1) - No, wait. Now I can die in peace. #1 for Hillbilly Fight! Yee-haw!
  • boob smashed against fence - Aaand now we're kind of creeping me out.
  • VOMIT SLAVE 2 - I didn't know this was out on DVD yet! I loved the original Vomit Slave. I'm ordering that from Amazon pronto!

  • moby dick wrong whale to fuck with - Truer words were never spoken.
  • how to make a lightsaber bong - I do not know but if you ever find out, email me bro.

  • modam (#1) - Yesss! I'm currently #1 for MODAM, the hideous female counterpart to MODOK.

  • SHAKIRA,S LAST COLOR HAIR - I don't like it when Shakira's hair is super-curly, but I love that sexy free-flowing layered look she has. It's like a sassy cinammon sunset! Go Shakira!
  • sexy grandma - Thankfully, I'm on the 5th page for this particular search. I don't think I could live with myself if I was the #1 search result.
  • hypnotic boobs - Aren't they all?

  • colon snake - My prison nickname.


Siskoid said...

Doesn't mentioning sexy grandma again make you go up in the list?

Doesn't my mention of it here also make it rise to the top?

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Dave Campbell for #1!!!

Travis said...

Is Vomit Slave 2 the one that is extra chunky?

Anonymous said...

Dave, three things:

1) Thank you for creating the concepts of the Richard Gere Factor and the Kurt Russell factor.

2) Thank you for linking to that old Gambit sucks post, as I have now been reminded of the Richard Gere Factor and the Kurt Russell factor.

3) Kurt Russell freaking rules.

That is all.

SallyP said...

Ahhh...reminiscing about how much Gambit sucks. Yes...yes he does.

Anonymous said...

I guess I was lucky enough to never come into conctact with Gambit in print form...reading X-Men comics that have shunned him. Originally I was confused about Gambit's sucking because the only exposure I had with him was in the Sega game, in which, thankfully, he wasn't allowed to talk.

Thanks for bringing me into the light.

Anonymous said...

No Batman on acid ranking?

"Just have to hit all the other places"

Bully said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bully said...

You deserve the #1 status, no question, Dave. Especially since several other searches for batman segway only pop up because they have misspelled the word segue.

Anonymous said...

Wow Dave, reading that back post reminded me how you nearly had a jihad declared on you by the Humble Followers of Gambit, May His Name Be Forever Exalted.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I found your sight by googling "giant juicy fun bags."

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Anonymous said...

I believe I was the one who searched for "hypnotic boobs" sadly my search still goes on but nice blog

Anonymous said...

I'm a hetero guy whose favorite X-Man is Gambit.

But to put things in perspective I also skipped the Superbowl one year to go see Chicago in a theater with female friends.

Mr A. P. Salmond, esq. said...

That MODAM picture is terrifying!

Anonymous said...

You might have Gambit sucks but Chris Sims has Fuck Gambit which owns that much harder.

Chris Arndt said...

Batgirl bound and gagged

Dave orgy


Spider-Man nude scene

Blue Devil straight

Stephen said...

I am so bloody jealous. Why isn't my blog being found by the search "moby dick wrong whale to fuck with"? Just because I've never written about moby dick, or whales, or their various levels of fuck-with-ability? Seems like a poor excuse.

But, come to think of it, why aren't you writing more posts about how moby dick is the wrong wale to fuck with? Is there really any better topic out there?

Peter said...

That Shakira search has the site gay.nl as the #1 result. You just have to love the interweb. I particularly like how someone decided to put in a search for "wrong whale to fuck with" :p

Yankee Jones said...

"moby dick wrong whale to fuck with"

uhh...yeah, that was me. Sorry.

SUBZERO said...

I just wanted to say I tried to google my own blog today. I got zero results till I typed the whole title as one word " talesfromthekryptonian ".

On fourth place was Dave´s Long Box : And Lo, There Shall Come A Taxman!

This is depressing.

Ambivalent said...

I'm sort of embarassed. I'm a female reader and I still found this place through some sort of Power Girl google search. I had never heard of the chracter, then I saw it brought up on a women's site (arguing about whether it was sexist or not) and decided to educate myself.

Found this place, laughed a lot, bookmarked it, and I still don't know a single thing about Power Girl.

Charley said...

i found this place when i was googling info about the slug aka lame ass villian # 11.

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Anonymous said...

Google is indeed brilliant: Nearly 3 years later I typed Balding, Middle Aged Blowhards Who Believe Their Own Hype into the search engine and the links led me here to Dave Campbell's blog! Thank You Google search engine for giving me and my hubby a great laugh!

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