Friday, September 15, 2006

For the Love of Blastaar



The other day I did a post about a Fantastic Four comic from the Byrne era which features not one but two villains from the Negative Zone, Annihilus and Blastaar. In my excitement about Annihilus, whom the ladies call The Living Death Who Walks, I completely neglected Blastaar, who is sometimes called The Living Bomb-Burst, his DJ name. And that, in a nutshell, is the story of Blastaar’s life: always upstaged by Annihilus, always destined to be the second most feared villain from the Negative Zone.

So anyway, I wanted to give Blastaar some love, and I know I’m not the only Blastaarhead out there. Who doesn’t love that big furry sumbitch with all his screaming and blasting and yelling?

A little background on Blastaar. He comes from The Negative Zone, that realm of Kirbyspace so often visited by the Fantastic Four. The Negative Zone is also the name of everything within a 20 foot radius of my desk on Monday mornings. Ha-cha! Little joke for you, there.

Anyway, Blastaar is a big Sasquatch looking motherfather who can shoot explosive energy out of his hands, thereby, er, blasting people. Hence his name. Blastaar also uses his huge mouth to yell and scream a lot. Seriously, look at the size of that freakin mouth.

Basically Blastaar looks like the love child of Animal from The Muppet Show and one of the savage Uruk-Hai from Lord of the Rings.

Blastaar is cute, but dangerous. If you tried to give him a hug he would hug you back, but he’d pull a Mice and Men on you and smother you. “Blastaar like human. Human smell nice!”

He doesn’t actually talk like that, he usually just screams BLASTAAR!!! while guitars wail and fireworks explode.
Believe it or not, Blastaar is the former king of the planet Baluur whose citizens rebelled against him and tossed his grey ass into The Negative Zone. There he has battled frickin’ Annihilus, his most bitter foe, on many occasions. Blastaar really has issues with Annihilus – and who wouldn’t? So although Blastaar is technically not from the Negative Zone, he is from the Negative Zone, if you know what I mean. I hope you do, because I don't...

Fun facts about Blastaar:
  • Blastaar has a son named Burstaar, which I believe is a Dutch hemmorhoid ointment as well.
  • Blastaar can fly like a rocket by shooting a low-intensity blast out of his fingertips. He can also clear a room with low-intensity blasts out of his ass.*
  • Blastaar eats apples whole.
  • Blastaar’s favorite film is the 1979 Barbara Streisand comedy The Main Event. Nobody knows why.

*I am so deeply sorry.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

I believe his power comes from the unique physical characteristic of having absolutely no neck, thus it's a shorter trip for the air from his lungs to get out of his giant, toothy mouth

Anonymous said...

STREISAND. BLASTAAR.

LOVE IS THE MAIN EVENT.

Anonymous said...

With his build, singlet, and general hairiness, he actually looks a lot like former WWE Superstar, and current TNA wrestler, Rhyno.

Also, for any TNA wrestling fans out there, is it just me, or do the results of Monty Brown's finisher, The Pounce, remind anyone else of a live action Jack Kirby panel? When the guy hits the move, bodies end up flying everywhere, and you can almost see speed lines radiating out from the ring.

Anonymous said...

*I am so deeply sorry.

Oh, no you're not.

Anonymous said...

Here is indirect proof of the value of effective brand marketing.

Your post about Annihilus is full of awe, respect, and wonder. Here, you just make fun of Blastaar. I bet he wouldn;t be the target of DLB's wit if he marketed himself better.

smokedog said...

Blastaar rules. We all need a little Blastaar in our lives.

Tom Bondurant said...

The title of this post is a Benji reference, isn't it?

Genius, Dave, genius!

Anonymous said...

I'd pay good, green money to read a Blastaar/Kalibak crossover story. "One's the Living Bomb-Burst. The other is the Son of Darkseid. Together, they fight crime!"

Mark W. Hale said...

[...]and I know I’m not the only Blastaarhead out there.

Me, I woulda gone with "Blastaards."

BigSleep666 said...

Oh, Dave's Long Box, you give me joy.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Didn't Blastaar once shoot a man just for snoring too loud?

Anonymous said...

Main Event = Awesome

In two words: Streisand's Ass!


Back in the days when her butt was a proud untamed force of nature

Anonymous said...

I think Blastaar needs a makeover before he could compete with Annihilus in terms of marketing.

I mean, Annihilus looks really cool and distinctive; even just in silhouette he's so distinctive you can't mistake him for anybody else.

People look at Blastaar and always go, "Hey, it's Kalibak!".

Also, the bomb-burst thing isn't as distinctive as Annihilus' cosmic control rod. I mean, practically everybody can shoot energy out of their hands, but not everybody has a cosmic control rod.

And even most of the guys who do have a cosmic control rod have probably fashioned it into some kind of staff or sceptre. Annjihilus, on the other hand, made his into some sort of SCUBA diving style rebreather thing.

I don't know why, but it's definately a unique look.

Still, anybody who can come into the Negative Zone from outside and manage to not only survive, but thrivwe, has to earn some props.

Verification Word - pkegh, the sound of Blastaar clearing his throat. Or possibly blowing up a ceramics factory. Or both.

Anonymous said...

Also, for any TNA wrestling fans out there, is it just me, or do the results of Monty Brown's finisher, The Pounce, remind anyone else of a live action Jack Kirby panel? When the guy hits the move, bodies end up flying everywhere, and you can almost see speed lines radiating out from the ring.

As one who is ringside at most TNA events, were Monty to change his name to OMAC, I'd love him to pieces.

Ray said...

Blastaar.

Is.

Metal.

Bill said...

Did... did you just make a For the Love of Boomer reference?

David said...

Dave, you sure know how to ruin a bad mood...

Chris Arndt said...

The sad thing about Blastaar is that although he has a really cool name, and I first read his name literally years before I first read Blastaar in a comic.... he's cool but not nearly as cool as his name is.

Get that?

The neat thing is that his powers match up totally with his name.

Of course, he still is not as cool as Annihilus, whose look and speech scream "ruler and conqueror" whereas as Blastarr is basically "I will destroy that which I intend to conquer". Seriously: he blows stuff up. His powers are amped-up demi-god archetypal abilities. Like Cyclops and Peter Wisdom he shoots stuff from his body and whatever those blasts reach get detonated, blown up, destroyed.

all of that and Annihilus has a "Cosmic Control Rod" on his chest which looks more like a Cosmic Control Pod and this gives him lots of cosmic powers and Blastaar has one power aside from being really strong.

Tim Easy said...

Give me Blastaar or give me death, or reasonable facsimile thereof!

Chris Arndt said...

Well Annihilus has wings that look like a cape, a face that looks like a helmet, and he fought Thor.

and he first appeared in the Annual where Franklin 'continuity crippling' Richards was born...

David Campbell said...

I'm with Chris on this one - it's hard to compete with Annihilus.

Anonymous said...

If memory serves, the Annihilus/Blastaar dynamic was explored to humorous effect in the late-90s Warlock mini (that's Adam Warlock, not the E.T./Johnny 5 hybrid from New Mutants).

Actually, now that I think about it... the two of them took a backseat in that story to an even more powerful Negative Zone villain. Some Deadpool-looking mamajamma with a totally 90s name like 'Darque' or 'Sinistor' or something.

Oh, it was 'Syphonn'. (I had to look that up, I swear...)

Cyn said...

He kind of looks like a messed up furby...

Chris Arndt said...

Annihilus is one of my favorites.

When those Marvel Action Hour Fantastic Four episodes came out I kept waiting for the Annihilus episode.

Then they did it.

I was pissed.

Now Annihilus kicks ass even if I can't spell his name, but being a big scary overlord dude with wings and a cosmic control rod makes you something.

In his one episode appearance they made more of him looking like a bug than they did with him being a major threat to anyone. IDIOTS.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Blastaar is pissed Annihilus left him behind during Annihilation.

Anonymous said...

Blaastar is so much cooler than Annihilus. I first saw Blaastar in the 1970s when they reprinted his first appearance in "Marvel's Greatest Comics." (Remember Marvel's Greatest Comics, Marvel Tales, all those great reprint mags? Remember Marvel Value Stamps? Remember Marvel Treasury Editions?) I thought Blaastar was so fucking awesome! And I still do.

Annihilus doesn't do a whole lot for me. When I sold my FFs to pay for college, I wanted to cry when I sold FF Annuals #4 and #5. Selling Annual #6 was no problem at all.

Blaastar, Blaastar, Blaastar!

Skipper Pickle said...

(I didn't know all that stuff beforehand, I just did a little research on the Internet.)

Someone's pants are on freaking fire.

Anonymous said...

Skipper Pickle said...
Someone's pants are on freaking fire.

Heh heh. That disclaimer of mine wasn't an attempt to deny being a comic book geek--that's no secret to anybody. But all my old comics are in storage, and I haven't read most of them in 10-15 years anyway, so I can't always remember the details without doing some homework first. Fortunately there are a lot of comics-related databases on the Internet.

Anonymous said...

he usually just screams BLASTAAR!!! while guitars wail and fireworks explode.

Maybe Blastaaar should hook up with Trogdor the Burninator.

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