Thursday, March 06, 2008

Lame-ass villain #19: Metalhead

Metalhead was a Batman villain that first appeared in Batman #486, where Batman beat the living crap out of him. A completely forgettable villain with a dumb gimmick, Metalhead has long since faded into the mists of comic book obscurity, and rightly so. Because he is lame.

First off, the guy's name is Metalhead. I think we can all agree that is stupid.

Second, Metalhead is called Metalhead because he wears a ski mask with nails sticking out of it. I gotta hand it to the guy, at least he's budget conscious. His whole outfit probably cost less than Slipknot's, and that is saying something.

Third, he has a spiky pony tail attached to his black ski mask that he whips people with. For some reason, that would seem cool in an old Shaw Bros kung fu movie, yet here it just seems lame.

Batman #486 features several scenes where Metalhead goes into sleazy underworld bars and whips people with his pony tail. That will teach them from playing Kylie Monogue on the jukebox when Metalhead is around.


Do none of the crooks in Gotham City carry handguns? Because you know who could easily beat Metalhead? The rarely seen villain Man With Gun.

51 comments:

Krod said...

Oh... ohgod... My first comics as a kid were Knightfall--the Batman story. And Jean-Paul Valley originally had a costume similar to this which Robin speculates is the reason Jean-Paul went crazy. Robin says he designed the costume similar to a villain they recently fought.

After all these years--all these comics, I know whom he was referring to. Everything suddenly seems soiled.

Mike P said...

There was also a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles character named Metalhead, and he was a robot schizoid turtle.

Dom Sutton said...

That's the frothiest beer I've ever seen. In fact it can't be a beer, it's probably a pint of coke with a mento in it.

jhota said...

maybe it's a root beer float?

truce2headrush said...

i like one-off villians. i think my favorite is Mr. Mxyzptlk (oh, wait ... )

Anonymous said...

You know what that ponytail is awesome for? Headbangin' at Megadeth concerts. Just don't get near that dude in the moshpit.

--Thelonious_Nick

Harvey Jerkwater said...

He's lame, sure, but imagine the tie-in/crossover potential.

"Metalhead Versus Motorhead: For All the Rocking!"

Lemmy would totally kick this guy's ass.

You know what would make Metalhead cooler? Umlauts. He needs umlauts over every vowel in his name.

Gregory said...

But you have to admit, that first panel is awesome. It looks a bit like a Romita Jr./Williamson Daredevil panel.

Tony said...

I think it's a credit to Aparo that he made this look cool for one panel.

I don't think the barbed wire ponytail would even kill someone. It'd get stuck in your skin. It'd freak you out, but you'd have plenty of time to go for your gun.

Sads said...

Krod: that was essentially what I was going to say!

So yeah, Metalhead in the context of Knightfall: I hate when learning things about the past makes things worse.

ghostman said...

Wow, that is some well-deserved obscurity that you plucked that guy from. His head looks like a sea urchin. His origin was probably that he was psychologically traumatized by having to wear that orthodontic headgear in high school. Now he wages a one-man war against people who make fun of people wearing metal on their faces, and the dental profession.

ES2x13 said...

THAT'S MISTRESS METALHEAD WORM!!!
TASTE MY PONYTAIL OF PAIN!!! Your safety word is kumquat.

Whedon is probably looking at that panel thinking OMG that guy is so kewl.

Chad Sexington said...

It's ironic that he hates comedians--I'd have thought it took a sense of humor just to wear that costume.

Anonymous said...

I think Man With Gun would be overkill. Even the much-weaker Man With Scissors could render Metalhead helpless with one strike of his twin-bladed sharpicity.

That head-whipping thing is really only cool when chicks do it, anyway--unless of course there's rocking involved.

pgwfolc said...

Assuming that the ponytail is actually somehow dangerous/effective... Doesn't it seem like the person it'd be most dangerous to is Metalhead himself?

He gets the costume on, and prepares to go out and terrorize a bar full of comedians. There's some movement in the corner of his eye. Perhaps a rat scurrying past. He turns to look. The ponytail whips around, slicing into his arm.

He sits down to bandage the wound. Distracted by the pain, he momentarily forgets about the ponytail itself... until he leans back in the chair and it digs into his flesh.

He jumps up, but the same action has caused the ponytail to lodge itself in the wood of the chair. He trips, and the chair falls on top of him, pushing the ponytail into his back once more.

He disentangles himself. Now he must seek additional medical attention, or at least someone who can reach the wounds on his back. Stumbling out the door, he is stopped when - *yank!* the swinging ponytail lodges itself in the doorframe...

Purely Gratuitous said...

This woman (probable codename: Metalbutt) apparently shops at the same store. But it looks a lot better on her.

kelvingreen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kelvingreen said...

Metalhead has long since faded into the mists of comic book obscurity
You clearly haven't been reading Thunderbolts then.

There's no concept bad enough that the House of Ideas won't appropriate it!

Waldo said...

Metalhead's Marvel equivalent was The Grinder, a villain who fought Spider-Woman... once.

He had a buzzsaw attached to the top of his head.

This was around, oh, 1979 or so? But it was so awful that I still remember it.

Anyway, nice to see you back, Dave.


Doug M.

Anonymous said...

Metalhead is also the name of two separate GI Joe villians, one of whom had a rocket pack that shot umm... rockets out of. Alas his head itself was not actually metal.

Anonymous said...

"Do none of the crooks in Gotham City carry handguns? Because you know who could easily beat Metalhead? The rarely seen villain Man With Gun."

Actually the Batman villian Man With Gun is seen quite often in the stories but usually in just flashbacks where he is referred to as "Joe Chill."

Anonymous said...

Metalhead was also one of the X-Men 2099. He was big and he was made of metal. Nothing like Colossus, no sir. His real name was Trevor von Beethoven, a much cooler name to go by than "Metalhead".

Steve V said...

Oh man, that character design looks like something from my grade 1 colouring book.

Some guy said...

Heh. "Metalhead" sounds like what the Vision used to get from the Scarlet Witch.

Andy said...

"You clearly haven't been reading Thunderbolts then"

Dang it, I've been beat to the Penance gag.

Wasn't this the dude who started Bruce Wayne his long road to Total Mental Breakdown-ville?

Anonymous said...

Wasn't this the dude who started Bruce Wayne his long road to Total Mental Breakdown-ville?

If it took him longer than about 30 seconds to beat this joker, while eating a sandwich (to steal from Dave's Signalman writeup), I can see why Bruce might start having a mental breakdown. I mean, I could seriously beat the crap out of Metalhead with just a rake, and I'm just a normal human with no powers. Even Tweedledum or Tweedledee would kick his ass.

Word verification: vvrxkc --the sound of a spiky ponytail meeting an electric cane. Closely followed by the sound of a body hitting the floor and convulsing repeatedly, like a sea bass in the bottom of a boat.

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