Thursday, August 10, 2006

SHOWCASE PRESENTS THE HAUNTED TANK VOL 1 (Part One) DC Comics, 2006


PART ONE (of two)
Radness, thy name is Haunted Tank.

If I had received Showcase Presents The Haunted Tank when I was a kid, it would have freaked my shit right out.

This is just a massive collection of radness, and by radness I mean awesomeness. And it is massive. This 500-page black & white tome is thicker than my local phone book. You could kill a man with this thing. If you had a number of Showcase Presents The Haunted Tank books, you could strap them to your body and use them as armor – just like that one scene in the Denzel Washington thriller Ricochet when John Lithgow and Jesse "The Body" Ventura fight each other in a prison gladiator match with shivs and newspaper armor. They've folded lots of newspaper into these armor "plates" that afford some protection against the stabbing shivs. Jesse is unlucky enough to have on his chest plate a front page picture of Denzel Washington's district attorney character, who Lithgow hates. When he sees Denzel's face, Lithgow goes nuts and stabs the picture and Jesse Ventura at the same time. Although Ricochet was not a great movie (despite the presence of Ice-T and Lindsey Wagner), any movie that has a John Lithgow prison fight is a must-see in my book.

Um, so anyway, the Haunted Tank book is so thick you could use it as body armor in prison. Sorry, I can get off on these tangents. Let's get back on track and talk about The Haunted Tank.

Showcase Presents The Haunted Tank is a collection of reprinted stories from DC’s long-running war anthology title G.I. Combat. The Haunted Tank was a recurring feature in G.I. Combat through out the sixties and seventies, a contemporary of other DC war comic greats as Sgt. Rock and The Unknown Soldier. Created by writer Robert Kanigher and illustrated by guys like Russ Heath and Joe Kubert, The Haunted Tank is the story of a ballet dancer, sidelined by injury and depression, and the spirited young man who taught her how to break dance… and how to live again.
Wait a second, that’s not it.

More accurately, The Haunted Tank is the story of M-3 Stuart tank commander Jeb Stuart, who is haunted by the ghost of his ancestor, the wily Confederate cavalry commander J.E.B. Stuart. In a tank manned by his childhood chums, Jeb pits his fighting spirit against Hitler’s armored hordes, guided by cryptic advice from a spectral guardian only he can see. The Haunted Tank is some high concept shit.

This book includes a reprint of G.I. Combat #87 (1961), the first appearance of The Haunted Tank. In this first story, illustrated by the legendary Russ Heath, we learn about Jeb’s background, and how his destiny seems intertwined with that of the Rebel general with the gay, reckless laugh…

A little background: General J.E.B. Stuart (aka “Jeb”) was a renowned Confederate cavalry commander during the American Civil War. Stuart was a dashing figure, a hero to the South, who followed his exploits. A master of unconventional tactics and lightning raids, J.E.B. Stuart is regarded in some circles as one of the best cavalry commanders to walk the face of the earth. He was a bad ass.

We get a look at Jeb and his posse pretending to be Rebel raiders, and this creepy panel with all the kids looking murderous and satanic:

Yikes, those kids are creepy. It's like Chuck Connors came to town twelve years ago and made love to all their mamas.

Jeb is a natural leader. Using shame and peer pressure, he convinces his krew to join the Army with him at the outbreak of World War II. Portentously, they sign up under a statue of General Stuart. Yet only Jeb can hear the gay, reckless laughter…

Weirdly, Jeb and his friends are all assigned to the same M-3 Stuart tank together. Man, what are the odds of that happening? Jeb is really excited about being a cavalry commander – maybe a little too excited.

The crew of the plucky little M-3 tank battle the seemingly invincible Tiger tanks in North Africa, guided only by their cunning and the sage wisdom of the deceased General. Jeb was always getting advice and encouragement from his patron ghost, with his gay, reckless ghostly laugh...

I love the sound effects in that panel: Clankety! Splash-Splash! You see, because it's a tank, going through water, and that's what it sounds like.

A little background: The M-3 Stuart tank was a quick, lightly armored tank that was first used by the Brits in North Africa, who called it “Honey.” With its thin skin and inadequate 37mm cannon, the Stuart was no match for the Panzers and anti-tank cannons of the Afrika Korps. The British and Russians received the M-3 via the Lend Lease program, and considered it a disappointment. But the Stuart was reliable and fast, powered by a high octane radial aircraft engine. Because they were so quick, they were often used for recon missions, leaving the heavy lifting to tanks like the Sherman. The Stuart tank rolled off American assembly lines in huge numbers – for every one of the dreaded German Tiger tanks there were 25 Stuarts buzzing around. Plus, you have to admit – they looked cool as hell.
We'll discuss the radness of The Haunted Tank in greater detail in part two, but for now let us ponder the issue of General J.E.B. Stuart's gay, reckless laughter...

Holy crap, in every other panel they mention the ghost's gay, reckless laughter! Enough, already! When I picture gay, reckless laughter I see Fred Schneider from The B-52's in a Jaguar convertible doing a ballistic 120 mph on Hog Mountain Road outside Athens, GA, holding a champagne bottle and laughing wildly. That's gay, reckless laughter. So when I see the floating disembodied head of General Stuart, I just hear Fred Schneider and his gay, reckless laughter.


Next: we discuss how The Haunted Tank single-handedly wiped out half of the Tiger tanks in existence.

38 comments:

Anonymous said...

You read reports nowadays about how the army is lowering recruiting standards to sign up enough new recruits. But Jeebus, I don't think the Army would let a guy who thinks he thinks he hears his ancestor's voice -- excuse me, his ancestor's "gay, reckless laugh" all the time in. I'm not sure he'd be welcome in an African militia.

Anonymous said...

Christ, I can't stop thinking about what a lunatic Jeb Stuart is. That cannon, "...it's just like a big sabre sword!" No it's not, it's a fucking tank cannon! It's not at all like a sword! He's like a character written out of the script for Stripes.

Jeb Stuart: Future street corner schizophrenic.

Anonymous said...

How about Jeb Stuart's German counterpart... GENGHIS KAHN!!!

The best story in that rad collection? The one about the turtle. If you don't shed a tear when you see those final panels, you have no soul.

Awesome post, Dave!

Walaka said...

Y'know, I swear I read an origin story for the Haunted Tank in which Stuart is a Yankee, unfortunately saddled with the name of a Rebel hero, and his three crewmen are all Southerners, and he has to fight each one early on in their training to show his worthiness to bear the name, and he does, thereby earning their respect and loyalty and stuff. Did I imagine that?

I like the M-3 a lot better than the makeshift tank they made from cannibalized parts toward the end of the series.

And I always thought Humphrey Bogart in Sahara kinda looked like Jeb would look in real life.

John Jakala said...

But was the laughter gay and reckless?

bitterandrew said...

It's not that Jeb was crazy as much as he was being written by Bob Kanigher, who never passed up an opportunity to infodump tech specs into his war stories.

"The panzer's cannon has an effective range of 725 yards while our tank's gun only has a range of 450! Fortunately our muzzle velocity exceeds theirs by the inverse square of Planck's Constant!"

His Enemy Ace stories were written the same way. To be fair, it wasn't just Kanigher making with the edu-tainment. Gardner Fox frequently did the same with (basically correct, but poorly contextualized) science facts in his silver age superhero and sci-fi stories.

Anonymous said...

Just picked this tome up myself and it is R to the AD. Despite the insufferably numerous mentions of Jeb Stuart's gay laugh (I guess they hadn't invented the thesaurus yet) the action is delightfully bizarre. Much amusement can be found as the Haunted Tank drives itself when all his pilots are unconscious, blows shit out of the skies like it's no biggie, and take on much bigger tanks by being sneaky and smart.

Take that you Nazi scum!! We are smart and sneaky! You are big and stupid and blown the fukk up!!

CalvinPitt said...

Walaka, I remember reading that same story. So I guess they changed Jeb's origin later.

All my knowledge of DC from that time is from my dad's comics, and I have to say the WW2 books is what resonated with me. Sgt. Rock, The Losers, the Haunted Tank, good stuff.

Bill Reed said...

Bob Kanigher? Russ Heath? Hot damn, I must buy this now!!!

Anyway, is it just me, or does anyone else suddenly find themselves plotting a Vertigo revamp of the Haunted Tank?

dwinn said...

Gay, reckless laughter. Gay, reckless laughter? Gay, reckless laughter!

Anonymous said...

Random science infodumps in your superhero (or military) adventures is part of what makes the Silver Age so awesome.

Anonymous said...

Also, there's got to be an alternate reality where the Haunted Tank crewmembers all died. ...probably Earth-1, since it's been over sixty years since WWII ended.

LaRue said...

But did the Haunted Tank ever have a mission with G.I. Robot?

Anonymous said...

The description of your blog should say "I'm going to review my comic book collection with gay, reckless laughter and you're going to like it!"

KB said...

good stuff, very erotic. I'm gonna go have some "me" time now.

Anonymous said...

Nice...

I've completely forgotten the haunted tank, but it was one of the first comics I ever read...

...started buying my own when I was seven ('87) but my grandma hooked me on comics with the stuff my uncles left behind in her house WAY before that.

I was probably five or six the first time I read a Haunted Tank. It did indeed "freak my shit out."

I bet it's still up there in her house. It's MINE, next time I go there.

Ralph Dibny said...

Jeb Stuart is one of the great comics mentalists. Eventually, IIRC, his own crew decide that he's gone completely insane, but that's okay because he's still a good tank commander even if he IS mad.

Ken said...

My favorite Haunted Tank stories are the one where they shot down an FW190 by bracing the main gun of a blown-up tank on their shoulders, and the one where a U-boat was torpedoing tanks on the beach. Actually, I think it was the same story.

joncormier said...

I sort of hate these enthusiastic reviews. It was reviews like this that made me purchase the Showcase Presents: Superman Family collection that while, awesome, is sitting half read on the back of my toilet since the collection came out. You see, I like reading these posts, just not the actual comics when I end up getting them.

I guess I'm just un-rad or grodey or something. Still, there's something about insane people in a haunted tank killing Nazis that seems appealing to me...

Anonymous said...

The best, though- the epic crossovers with Sgt. Rock and Johnny Cloud.

Man, I hope there's a Sgt. Rock and Easy Co. Showcase volume forthcoming.

Anonymous said...

I like how adamant they are about sending a CARD, and ONLY A CARD if you wanted to see more of this gay, reckless fun.

Dweeze said...

Sign says, stay away fools
Cause love rules
At the Haunted Tank

Bang, bang, bang, on the hatch baby
Knock a little louder soldiers
Bang, bang, bang, on the hatch baby
Your what?
Left track, RUSTED!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

And here I thought that I was the only one haunted by the gay, reckless laughter of Jeb Stuart's ghost.

Speaking of which...

Dave, I am participating in the Summer of Compliments and I wanted to send one your way.

I've only been reading your blog for a short while now (I found you via the Martain Manhunter's blog), but once I found it, I went and read all of the archives. I find your reviews of comics insightful and true and your knowledge of the medium impressive. Please keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

Yay! I get to point out that The Haunted Tank appeared in the final issues of Busiek's The Power Company series, after winning a reader poll!

Anonymous said...

That ENTIRE post was GAY and RECKLESS!

Oh and DWEEZE...I laughed my ASS off at your post.

NICELY done!


~P~
P-TOR

word verification:
ndvfbwrj

The german translation for "GAY & RECKLESS".

David C said...

Are there any experts out there on the "accuracy" of these stories, combat-wise?

Obviously, the Stuart is a mismatch for a Tiger, but I was under the impression that even under the "ridiculously ideal" point-blank conditions Jeb and crew usually find themselves in, wouldn't the 37mm just bounce off a Tiger most of the time?

Edward Liu said...

Could the revamped Haunted Tank origin have come about when someone realized it might not be a wise idea to have all 4 people in the tank be good ol' boys who seem deeply disappointed that the South lost the Civil War? I mean, that's how Tim McVeigh got started, after all.

In any event, Kurt Busiek did a brief revamp of the Haunted Tank in the pages of the Power Company after the "character" rattled and clanked its way over the competition in an on-line poll on which DC character you wanted in that comic. It was going to be Firestorm all along, but Busiek was cool enough to insert the Haunted Tank into the last story arc anyway in deference to the fans. The new tank is the super-rad "Cyber-Command Assault Vehicle," commanded by Lt. Jen Stuart, granddaughter of ol' Jeb. Jeb acts as her spirit guide and lets J.E.B. ride off into the hereafter.

Really, I needed an excuse to say something so I could link to the splash page of Marvel Adventures Avengers #4 where Airwolf is namechecked TWICE, one of which is Storm (Storm!!) saying, "And this jet is much faster than Airwolf!" After reading issue #3, I've decided that MA: Avengers is indeed totally Airwolf, but this splash proves it.

Word confirmation is fzikespt, which sounds like one of Mr. Mxyzptlk's cousins.

Brandon Bragg said...

Oh my god...I just laughed inapprpriately for about a minute straight when I clicked on that Chuck Connors link.

When I need to know what to spend my on, I come here. Thanks.

Bully said...

Spider-Man saying Airwolf I can totally buy. Storm, not so much.

I miss the old "By the Goddess!" Storm.

Anonymous said...

How many comics do you actually own? Where do you come up with this stuff???

Anonymous said...

Dave, you're back! The gay reckless laughter of J.E.B. Stuart has restored you!

Winterteeth said...

Little known fact: DC loses the copyright to the Haunted Tank if the phrase "gay, reckless laughter" is not worked somewhere into each story. The issue were they have a funeral for one of the soldiers is especially difficult to read with J.E.B.s ghost cackling with joy and no regard throughout the eulogy.

Anonymous said...

And Chuck Conners was a tank warfare instructor. Coincidence?

Steve V said...

has dave talked about the Orange Julius Spider Man comic?

K.Fox, Jr. said...

Yeah, way too much 'gay, reckless laughter'. Sorry I haven't dropped you a line in a while. Funny post.

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Evangelina said...

It won't work in actual fact, that is what I suppose.

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