THE INFINITY GAUNTLET #4 Marvel Comics, 1991

Alternate Reality Where Everybody Dies Week would not be complete without a look at The Infinity Gauntlet, Marvel’s crossover mini-series of 1991, particularly issue #4, the one where the mad titan Thanos battles an army of the mightiest Marvel heroes – and like, totally kills them.

The brainchild of Jim Starlin, master of the trippin’ balls cosmic comic book, The Infinity Gauntlet is primarily the story of the villain Thanos’s quest for the most powerful handwear in the universe in order to impress Death, who he has a major crush on. That’s right – the guy is literally in love with Death. He loves Death so much he wants to marry her and have babies. Perennial Starlin favorite Adam Warlock teams up with The Silver Surfer and a bunch of Marvel heroes to stop Thanos’s mad scheme to wipe out reality in order to impress girls, and shit gets crazy.

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"The Infinity Gauntlet is like a Meat Loaf song in comic book form."

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The great thing about The Infinity Gauntlet is that Thanos actually succeeds in getting the Gauntlet about half-way through the story. Most comics would be about stopping the villain from getting his hands on the ultimate weapon, but this one is about what the heroes do after the bad guy has acquired God-like powers.

Plus, since Thanos is arguably the main character of the series, the reader spends a lot of time with the sinister Titan, and darn it, you kinda get to like the guy. As written by Jim Starlin, he’s a little more complex and grandiose than your run-of-the-mill unstoppable cosmic villain. Mr. T has flaws and weaknesses beyond the standard blind arrogance and fondness for expository dialogue that most super villains have. The guy’s doing it all for love, and if the universe has to die so he can prove he loves his woman, then damn it, the universe is just going to have to up and die. That’s beautiful, man. The Infinity Gauntlet is like a Meat Loaf song in comic book form.

In this particular issue, a strike force of heroes attack all-powerful Thanos on his asteroid base, which is like a cross between Castle Grayskull and the stage for Dio’s 1984 Last in Line tour. Despite the superhuman firepower assembled by the good guys, Thanos wipes the floor with them in creative ways.

Cyclops gets a cube of force slapped around his head, which makes it hard to do stuff like fire optic blasts and breathe:

Sure enough, Cyclops only makes it a few panels before suffocating.

Wolverine doesn’t do well, either:

The others don’t fare much better. Iron Man gets his head torn off by Lady Thanos, a creation of Thanos that also kills Spider-Man (Not for real though, kids! Don’t worry, it’s an Alternate Reality so it doesn’t count.); Namor and She Hulk get engulfed by this creepy brown fungus; Nova gets turned into sparkly colorful little cubes; The Scarlet Witch and Cloak explode; it’s not pretty.

Actually, it is pretty. Ron Lim and George Perez shared penciling duties and Joe Rubinstein inked The Infinity Gauntlet #4, so the whole book has a bright, clean look to it that sort of lessens the impact of all the carnage, which is handled somewhat discretely anyway. A lot of the deaths happen off-panel or are done in non-gratuitous ways.

Don’t take my word for it. Here’s Thanos taking Quasar to school:

Sure, the hands getting blown off thing is violent, but let’s put it in perspective: there isn’t protruding bone and arterial spray. Plus, his execution is off-panel. The whole thing is handled with a degree of restraint.

Me, I like that sequence because I hate Quasar so much. Don’t try to talk me out of it; Quasar is no damn good. Let's move on before I start getting angry.

Anyway, how is this comic different than The Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe, which also has a high body count? The Infinity Gauntlet #4 isn’t wiping out your favorite heroes as some sort of sadistic exercise, it’s wiping out your favorite heroes because it wants to convey the high stakes and long odds of the conflict.

Plus, although the heroes get taken out easily by Thanos, none of them go out like punks; they all go down swinging. In both comics, Dr. Doom gets killed, but in The Punisher book, he screams like a little girl before he dies and in The Infinity Gauntlet, he gets fried while trying to grab the Gauntlet from Thanos, which is a typical Doom move. I’m fine with characters dying, but give them some frickin’ dignity.

Speaking of dignity, Thanos turns Thor into a pretty glass statue!

Of course, Thanos doesn’t keep his new Thor statue around for very long; it lasts about a page before he gives it the old Infinity Gauntlet Mark II Backhand.

Finally, the only hero left standing is Captain America. The Sentinel of Liberty stands toe-to-toe with the mad god, defiant to the last. Actually the whole battle has been a big distraction engineered by Adam Warlock. When Thanos cocks his omnipotent fist back to administer an old-fashioned coup de grace on the good Captain, The Silver Surfer streaks in at near-light speed, trying to snatch the Gauntlet from Thanos…

…but he misses. D’oh!

Shaken by his close call, Thanos gives Cap the Mark II and recharges his god batteries. Now he is truly unstoppable! Until The Infinity Gauntlet #6, of course, when Thanos gets stopped, big time. All the heroes come back to life and ha ha ha, isn’t life grand?

The Infinity Gauntlet was a big hit for Marvel, and it spawned a series of sequels such as The Infinity War and Pimp My Inifiniti, as well as an ongoing series, Warlock and The Infinity Watch. I’m a fan of all that 70’s Marvel cosmic stuff, so I read them all. Let’s just say that some were better than others.

But that is a post for another day! For now I lift my imaginary glass to Thanos, for daring to dream big and for killing Quasar, even if it didn’t count. I will overlook his attempted homicide of the universe, because his motives were pure.

Love makes you do crazy things.