THE F*@% YEAH FILES (Movie Version) #6

Megaforce (1982)

I should just make this a one-word post, because nothing evokes macho, high-tech, balls-to-the-fucking-walls, this one goes to eleven, incredible action like that one word:

Megaforce!

If you have seen Megaforce, you know that the entire film is one huge F*@$ Yeah.

If I had the lung power of Luciano Pavoratti, I would take a deep breath at minute one of Megaforce and bust out with one giant, sustained F*@% Yeah that would last until the end credits roll. Sure, I wouldn’t be able to hear any of the dialogue or the incredible soundtrack, but that’s OK, because I have memorized the entire film. Every glorious second of Megaforce is burned into my cranium, robbing me of the ability to perform complex math equations – which is a small price to pay for turning my brain into a total recall Megaforce computer.

To those who hate freedom and have not seen Megaforce, allow me to quickly summarize: Megaforce is an action-packed adventure about “a phantom army of super-elite fighting men whose weapons are the most powerful science can devise," all of whom wear silver jumpsuits and go into battle on missile-launching super-bikes and laser-wielding dune buggies. Tell me that doesn't sound awesome.

Directed by former stuntman Hal Needham, who brought us Stroker Ace, Megaforce stars Barry Fucking Bostwick, Persis "Lt. Ilia" Khambatta, the guy who played Knight Rider’s boss, and veteran movie bad guy Henry Silva. It was filmed with Introvision and the parachute and flying sequences were done using the Zoptic Special Effects System.

That is all you need to know.

I am shocked – shocked, I say - that this movie was not a huge hit and that Bostwick’s Ace Hunter did not assume his rightful place in the pantheon of American pop-cultural heroes, right next to Indiana Jones and Jack Tripper from Three’s Company. I guess in 1982 the world wasn’t ready for Ace Hunter’s blow-dried hair, or his pastel headband, or his skin-tight metallic jumpsuit, or his devil-may-care swashbuckliness. It’s a shame, and I think the world is a little poorer because we didn’t ever see Megaforce II: Deeds Not Words.

But I love you, Ace Hunter.

You know what I love best about him? The kiss/thumbs-up move. At several key points during the film, Ace Hunter and his woman Major Zara exchange their own little salute, sort of like the deaf guy in the elevator in Jerry Maguire who signs “you complete me” to his girlfriend. Ace kisses his thumb, and then gives Zara a tender thumbs-up. It’s romantic and macho all at the same time.

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"...the entire film is one huge F*@% Yeah. "

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For some reason, my wife refuses to do the kiss/thumbs-up with me, which is a source of unending disappointment for me. And I’ve made her watch Megaforce, too, so I know she gets it. Unless she’s been lying to me all this time and actually doesn’t think Megaforce is a good movie…

OK, let’s get to the F*@% Yeah scene in the film.

At the end of the movie, Megaforce must bust through a mercenary tank corps led by Guerrera (Silva) so that they can reach Dry Lake, where their transport planes can pick them up. Why don’t they have helicopters? Because helicopters are for pussies.

Anyway, Ace Hunter’s elite force rips through the tanks with their laser dune buggies and rocket-cycles and make it to Dry Lake, where they cover their retreat by emitting multi-colored smoke streamers from their vehicles. Radical!

During the battle, Ace jumps over a bad guy tank and drops The World’s Most Powerful Hand Grenade into the open turret hatch, totally destroying the tank. Wait, that’s not the F*@% Yeah part. Well, it is, but there’s more.

Ace takes the time to climb up on Guerrera’s tank, knock on the hatch, and with a rakish grin, tell him, “I just wanted to say good-bye and remind you that the good guys always win. Even in the 80's.” Is this the F*@% Yeah part? Again, yes – but it is eclipsed by the following scene:

The Megaforce transport planes have to take off and Ace has been left behind! Guerrera’s armored force is hot on Ace’s tail as he roars across the open desert on his megacycle. How will he escape? Is this the end of Ace Hunter?

Fuck no, it isn’t!

Ace hits a button, deploying small wings on the side of his bike – and he takes off into the sky!

Suck on that Galactica 1980!

Ace and his incredible flying motorcycle catch up with the Megaforce transport plane and drive/fly through the open rear hatch as his men cheer him on! It’s one of the most triumphant scenes ever filmed with unparalleled blue screen special effects. Introvision, indeed!

Megaforce: so kick-ass that it deserves its very own Ace Hunter F**% Yeah image.

P.S. I stole the above Megaforce images from Jabootu's Bad Movie Dimension as well as Badmovies.org, which has Megaforce audio files and the official Megaforce theme song. Both sites have more information and mockery of Megaforce and are highly recommended and I hope they don't kill me for stealing their pictures.