THE INCREDIBLE HULK #332 AND #332 Marvel Comics, 1986

The Incredible Hulk #331 and #332 is a two-part slugfest guest-starring an army of Avengers that get the crap kicked out of them by The Hulk. Despite being one of the founding members (kinda) of The Avengers, one of The Hulk’s favorite pastimes is beating up Avengers, and in these issues, he does just that.

Affable Al Milgrom wrote and drew this story about a rampaging Hulk who has been physically separated from Bruce Banner through the miracles of comic book science. Without the tempering influence of Banner’s personality, The Hulk goes ape shit and starts trashing Unluckyville, USA. The Avengers show up – all of them – and the mindless, rampaging Hulk whomps on them for two whole issues. I mean, he absolutely molests them. It’s a little embarrassing, really.

I really love these issues because they convey an epic scale of violence and are just chock-full of superheroes. it's adolescent fun. Milgrom draws dynamic, bold action scenes and his composition is excellent. The only thing I don’t like is the way he draws The Hulk’s nose – it’s this cute little button nose that just doesn’t work for me. He looks like a freak.

Anyway, the big theme of this story is whether it’s right to use lethal force on The Hulk. The Avengers, who have a strict (read: stupid) code against killing, debate the morality of destroying The Hulk. Captain America, of course, vocalizes and embodies The Avengers ethical struggle – which means he stands around and orates while The Hulk is dropping buildings on his team.

I don’t know what The Avengers are so worried about. They say that they may have to kill The Hulk for the sake of the world, but does The Hulk actually ever KILL anybody? No. He operates in a world of Hulk Physics, where no action, no matter how destructive, can kill a human being.

Take Unluckyville. The Hulk tears through the town like a green, button-nosed tornado, seemingly destroying every single standing structure, from Kwik-E Marts to dog houses. Nobody dies, not even stubborn dogs who stayed behind after the evacuation order was given. Captain America even thanks The Lord that there were no serious injuries. Just a couple stubbed toes or something.

Behold, the power of Hulk Physics:

Good thing every last person left town before The Hulk leveled it!

I know, I know – it’s a frickin’ comic book. And I agree, if the plot followed logic then The Hulk turns into this horrible Godzilla-type monster responsible for the deaths of thousands, and then you have a whole different story that would probably not be as fun to read. But perhaps – and I’m just throwing this out there – that perhaps portraying victimless violence in any medium is not the most intellectually and ethically honest thing to do.

Bear with me here, I’m taking a left turn into Hippyland.

I’m not saying that kids shouldn’t read The Hulk or violent comics, or that comics are just for kids, or that we should censor stuff, or that people with red hair are inherently evil. I am saying that showing violence without consequence is a little weird for me. Like having your cake and eating it, too.

This has always kind of bugged me, even when I was a kid, although I couldn’t articulate it. Remember the G.I. Joe cartoon? For every Cobra jet the Joes shot down, the pilot would always bail out. I hated that! A plane would erupt into a huge fireball, and then – plink! – you’d see a little white chute pop open and the Cobra pilot floats safely to Earth. What about The A-Team? Did they ever actually hit anything? Dirk Benedict would unload a clip of 9mm in a biker bar, just hosing the room down with bullets, and every single biker would dodge for cover. There was something so lame about that to me when I was a kid – did the people who produced those shows think I was stupid?

I’m not saying that G.I. Joe should get all Tarantino – I don’t need to see a gut-shot Duke slowly dying in a tangle of barbed wire. Actually, wait. Yes I do, that would be kind of cool.

What I am saying is that portraying violence without any victims is kind of stupid. You should at least be honest about it – people die when they get shot, or when their cars flip over fifty times, or when big green monsters push over their apartment buildings. Dogs die, too. What about the dogs?

I know, I know, then it wouldn’t be escapist fun. I should just drop it. I read The Hulk when I was a little kid, and I turned out okay. Except for The Rage, of course…

Back to the comic: The Hulk pounds and pounds on The Avengers, miraculously without seriously injuring any of them. You’d think The Wasp would get tagged by flying debris or something. The Hulk does make Wonder Man freak out like a little girl:

“Keep off me, Hulk! Keep off!” Man, I would hang my head in shame if I was a superhero and I wigged out like that. Butch up, Wonder Man.

In the panel below, The Avengers swamp The Hulk. Notice that The Hulk is beating up on Wonder Man yet again. The guy is probably crying by now. I like this panel because it looks like Mockingbird is braining Hercules with her battle staff:

Eventually The Avengers all dog pile on The Hulk and subdue him. You see, in this current non-Banner incarnation, The Hulk actually becomes weaker the angrier he gets – something like that, anyway. But in order to subdue the beast, The Avengers have to become savage themselves!

That’s it! Give in to your inner Hulk, Avengers, your gamma-irradiated Id!

And there it is: yet another city-destroying superhero battle in the Mighty Marvel Manner. And not just a slugfest, but also a meditation on the morality of killing and of the savage blood-lust that lurks within us all.

Thank God nobody was killed!