The resort we were staying at had teh internets in the main lodge, but (and I can’t fucking believe this) I couldn’t access the blog because of their goddamn content blocker. I run a family-friendly blog, damn it! What’s more wholesome than comic books and shit? It’s not like I post about hot lesbian nun action or anything. I just don’t understand.
Anyway, I’m back now and darn it, I’m going to start updating more often. No, really. I know, you’ve heard it before but this time I mean it, baby. It’ll be different this time. Come here, give Ike some sugar.
How was my vacation? Awesome, thanks for asking. There was lots of swimming and eating and drinking and hiking and mini-golf and swingsets and paddle boating and popsicles. I burned my ever-expanding bald spot whilst jet skiing and my oldest daughter kept calling me “lobster head” until I started to ignore her. It was the most fun I’ve had on a vacation that didn’t involve bodily risk or alcohol or bears.
Now, apropos of nothing, some random and untimely thoughts on summer movie juggernauts:
So, Spider-Man 3. That wasn’t all that good, was it? When your plot hinges on not one, not two, but THREE incredible coincidences (1. symbiote meteor lands near Peter & MJ, 2. Sandman killed Uncle Ben, 3. Eddie Brock wanders into church at precise moment Peter casts off alien goo) then you have what we call lazy-ass storytelling. Plus, Spidey saves Gwen Stacy from then rampaging construction crane and then just swings off? What about the rampaging crane, dude? Final judgment - It was OK, but they shoulda hired Michael Chabon to write it.
PoTC: At World’s End was one reel and one double-cross too much. There was so much skullduggery that I couldn’t keep track of who was screwing over who. It was like watching Syriana with tri-corner hats. Still, the big whirlpool battle between the Black Pearl and the Flying Dutchman at the end made up for a lot. That was some cool shit. The whole thing felt like a Terry Gilliam movie – a really long Terry Gilliam movie.
Final judgment - I’d happily pay to see another Pirates movie if Gore Verbinski was still at the helm and I would grudgingly pay to see Spider-Man 4 just out of a sense of geek obligation.
Next: actual content. Seriously.
Anyway, I’m back now and darn it, I’m going to start updating more often. No, really. I know, you’ve heard it before but this time I mean it, baby. It’ll be different this time. Come here, give Ike some sugar.How was my vacation? Awesome, thanks for asking. There was lots of swimming and eating and drinking and hiking and mini-golf and swingsets and paddle boating and popsicles. I burned my ever-expanding bald spot whilst jet skiing and my oldest daughter kept calling me “lobster head” until I started to ignore her. It was the most fun I’ve had on a vacation that didn’t involve bodily risk or alcohol or bears.
Now, apropos of nothing, some random and untimely thoughts on summer movie juggernauts:So, Spider-Man 3. That wasn’t all that good, was it? When your plot hinges on not one, not two, but THREE incredible coincidences (1. symbiote meteor lands near Peter & MJ, 2. Sandman killed Uncle Ben, 3. Eddie Brock wanders into church at precise moment Peter casts off alien goo) then you have what we call lazy-ass storytelling. Plus, Spidey saves Gwen Stacy from then rampaging construction crane and then just swings off? What about the rampaging crane, dude? Final judgment - It was OK, but they shoulda hired Michael Chabon to write it.
PoTC: At World’s End was one reel and one double-cross too much. There was so much skullduggery that I couldn’t keep track of who was screwing over who. It was like watching Syriana with tri-corner hats. Still, the big whirlpool battle between the Black Pearl and the Flying Dutchman at the end made up for a lot. That was some cool shit. The whole thing felt like a Terry Gilliam movie – a really long Terry Gilliam movie.Final judgment - I’d happily pay to see another Pirates movie if Gore Verbinski was still at the helm and I would grudgingly pay to see Spider-Man 4 just out of a sense of geek obligation.
Next: actual content. Seriously.
Welcome back! We missed ya!
ReplyDeleteAnd yer spot on about the movies. Poor show, Spidey 3. Poor show.
~Q
I haven't seen either, I must be the worst geek ever.
ReplyDeleteIn my defense, I did see Shrek the Third. I thought it was pretty funny plus it has Amy Sedaris in it and I am totally nuts off my bonkers for her.
"hot lesbian nun action"
ReplyDeleteI find your ideas fascinating, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. Hopefully one with pictures. =)
What if Spidey 4 had Gore Verbinski at the . . . helm? Ba Dum Ching!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back. :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you had such a good time. Sorry the mouse got away, but at least neither he nor Doom took over your kitchen while you were gone.
Spidey 3 - Agree and disagree. It was fun. More fun than I was expecting after all the disappointing reviews.
There was a lot going on, though. I still can't wrap my head around Sandman being Ben's killer.
Eddie wandering into the church, though... That's straight out of the comics. They were pretty true to most of the black suit/Venom storyline, really. So I'm happy with that. And I can live with the meteor just happening to land there. Not great, but makes more sense than an alien costume repair device being kept right next to an alien evil alien creature containment unit.
What can I say? These things happen. And I only have to say that once or twice here. Not like the five dozen times you have to invoke that phrase when you try to explain Scott Summers' family history.
Totally with you on the crane thing. That was poorly done. And they went kind of overboard with Peter's pre-suit personality change. I can see it going to his head, but that was a little much.
So... I dunno. Good movie, not great. Just like X-men, really. X1 was meh. X2 rocked. X3... well, it's better than 1, but given how much they'd learned from doing the past two, I'd hoped for more.
Now we get to wait and see what they do with Spidey 4. Who stays on board. How much they screw up. If they really can keep the momentum going through the planned Spidey 6.
You know what would have made "Pirates 3" be as perfect as the first movie?
ReplyDeleteDitch the whole Calypso subplot.
Then take the money you save on the related effects and filming, and use it to actually have the Big Ball-Bustin' Fleet Battle you set us up for at the end of the movie! "HOIST THE COLORS HIGH, my mateys! And then just...sort of...float around, for a while. Fight? Are you kidding me? Can't be arsed, it's more exciting to watch some chick grow a hundred feet tall and then explode into crabs!"
One more Spidey thing I forgot and then I'll shut up (until something else suddenly pops to mind).
ReplyDeleteI gotta give 'em credit for the whole thing with Harry. They just handled that beautifully. I mean, once the turning point happened, it was kind of obvious how things would have to go, but given all the set-up we had and the way things went in every other version... I didn't see it coming, and I'm very happy that it did.
I just can't help but wonder what took the dang butler so long.
Okay, shutting up now. Really.
Y'know, when I saw all the crazy coincidences in Spider-Man 3, my reaction was actually "Cool! Just like Silver Age Stan Lee plotting!"
ReplyDeleteSeriously, that's one of my favorite things about these movies, the way Raimi so wonderfully captures the *feel* of the old comics. To me, the "Crazy shit happens to Spider-Man in awfully convenient ways to the plot" stuff felt *right*.
Not that it was *good* plotting when Stan did it, or when the movie did, but it felt *appropriate*.
I am upset they did not stick with the whole off planet Secret Wars origin of Venom.
ReplyDeleteNo...Not Really.
It was really good until they added EddieBrock/Venom. The Black suit was good plot device.
And Bernard the Butler was creepy enuff. Eck, Harry do you want some candy? Lets go back to my quarters and look at magazines.
I found SM3 actually start to get boring. I wouldn`t pay to see it again. Peter forgiving Sandman? So he`s a sympathetic figure, he still needs to pay his dues in Jail. How many police officers has he attacked since he got out?
ReplyDeletePeter`s in the paper business, get an article about his daughter in the Bugle, a tear jerker, write it off as a tax deduction for JJJ.
Now pirates was fun trying to guess who the traitor of the moment was. Each had their motivation, but what ever happened to the 2nd movie`s dues-ex-kraken. No squid guts spread over the bottom of Davey-Jones-Locker. Just a throw away line to explain it away.
"I gotta give 'em credit for the whole thing with Harry. They just handled that beautifully."
ReplyDeleteI thought it ended up well enough, but the path they took there was pretty tortured. Harry's evil and wants to kill Peter. Then he hurts his head, and he's good and he's Peter's best friend. Then he eats a magic omelette and he's evil again. Then he's given some unsound logic* from the Wise Old Butler, and he's good again.
(*Putting aside all the questions of why Mr. Butler kept what he knew a secret, what he told Harry isn't very good proof of Peter's innocence. He could tell that Norman had been mortally wounded by his own glider? So I guess that means Venom wasn't responsible for killing Harry 15 minutes later, since Harry was impaled on HIS glider too?)
I couldn't agree more on Spider-Man 3, actually I could agree more and I'll do so now:
ReplyDeleteMy biggest problem with that movie was the fact that the butler, Bernard knew the entire time that Norman was killed by his own weaponry and admits that he knows what Harry has been doing (plus he can identify goblin sled wounds so you know he had to know) and yet he waits something like a year or two to tell Harry the truth.
"Well, I was going to tell you earlier, but I wanted to make sure you ruined your only friendship and had half of your face blown off."
I haven't seen Pirates yet (the second one did nothing for me, far too long) but I did see Knocked Up and Hot Fuzz. Now those movies were worth seeing. Great stuff all around.
Also, Shrek 3 is kind of meh. It's not terrible, but it sure isn't any fun.