Then it hit me. This comic, under Marvel’s Midnight Sons (snicker) imprint, was published four years before the movie. Is it possible that Blade was in part inspired by this comic, Blade The Vampire Hunter #2?
I only ask because, holy shit, this comic is so bad.
Sure, in the comic there is no shower of blood and the vampire rave isn’t in a meat packing plant, but there are some weird similarities. In the opening fight scene in Blade, Donal Logue’s vampire character points a knife at Blade and yells: “Blade! Gonna jack you up!” or something to that effect. In the club scene in Blade The Vampire Hunter #2, our hero gets jumped by a sword-wielding British Nazi punk vampire who says – well, just read it:
“Gonna bleed you hard, man!”
I don’t even know what the hell that means. How do you bleed someone hard? That makes even less sense than “jack you up.”
I can just imagine Blade screenwriter David Goyer reading this comic and thinking, “This is brilliant! I’m going to use that scene in my movie!”
Okay, I’ll admit it, aside from that one scene, Blade the Vampire Hunter has little in common with the Blade film, which I loved. It has little in common with any quality comic, either. It has that stench of suck that pervades many books published during the mid-Nineties, the Dark Age of Comics. Rushed looking art, heavy inks, horrible computer coloring, and awkward dialogue. God, the dialogue…
For example, here’s Blade in da club, bottle full of bub, when he senses Dracula’s presence:
I don’t think that’s Dracula in his guts, I think Blade stopped by a taqueria truck on the way to the club. You gotta watch that shit, Blade – even daywalkers can fall prey to E coli.
But seriously, what kind of line is that? “I can sense him, like a viper of burning razor wire uncoiling in my guts!” It’s like that was written by a random metaphor generator. “I sense his presence, like a toothbrush made of lava scrubbing my perineum!”
Of course, Dracula does show up, as you might have guessed by the cover, above. Blade The Vampire Hunter #2 offers a new take on the legendary vampire. Here he is a muscular dude with huge hands, a cat whisker moustache, and a face like an ass. Behold:
Love the belt buckle; it looks like Dracula shops for accessories at Hot Topic. What the hell is he wearing, anyway? Take a look at his cape, the way it goes behind his arms. How could he even lift his arms wearing that? And how does he make his collar stick out like that? A lot of starch and under wiring, I imagine. It looks like his collar would bob and bounce as he walked, which I think would inspire snickers instead of dread. At the risk of sounding like a metrosexual, Dracula’s outfit is an utter disaster.
Fashion catastrophe aside, Dracula is still a bad-ass. He grows HUGE HANDS and mops the floor with Blade. Here’s Dracula in action, disemboweling Blade with his oversized mitts:
That panel is a really good shot of Dracula’s distinctive moustache, which defies gravity just like his collar and his hair. He reminds me of somebody, but I just can’t put my finger on it…
Blade The Vampire Hunter #2 may have been the partial inspiration for a scene in the Blade film, or it may not have. Regardless, I think anybody who has actually read this hackneyed comic will agree that it epitomizes that nadir of comic quality we know as the mid-Nineties. In other words: it sucks.
Who wrote it? Who did the art? Ah, heck – does it really matter? I don’t want to beat anybody up, I just want to mock the comic they produced. But when people wonder why Blade can be a popular film and TV character but can’t carry his own series – well, this is the reason why.
I leave you with one last look at Dracula’s hideously deformed mug, and I bid you, gentle reader, a good night.
34 comments:
w00t!
FIRST!
WHO-HOO!!!
uh... yeah. Ok. Thill is gone.
Anyway, a few quick notes:
The side-kick character they introduced in this series (Bible John iirc) was the inspiration for Whistler.
Also that weird "stomach wire" sentance seems like it was written using MAD-LIBS.
~P~
P-TOR
D'oH!
I took too long to hit "publish"
Damn you DarkJawa!
~P~
P-TOR
Simile, Dave. Simile.
Damn it!
I would love to see more reviews of mid-90s "Dark Ages" comics. Your reviews of Avengers Unplugged, Thor, and Glory comics from that time are some of your best reviews. You should pick random comics from a 1995 Bullpen Bulletins checklist and just have fun with them. Or do "Force Works VS. Extreme Justice" week or something.
To jump off-topic a bit...
Blade's "poetic" response to the presence of Dracula reminds me of a great moment in comics. At the conclusion to the "Rake at the Gates of Hell" storyline in Hellblazer, the issue begins with a voice off-panel speaking just like that. We see horrifying scenes of degredation and suffering, and hear drivel like "...a viper of burning razor wire uncoiling in my guts!" and "yellow lemon custard dripping from a dead dog's eye," stuff like that. It tries ever-so-hard to be poetic and ominous, but comes across as inept and a little bit funny.
On the splash page we see that in fact it's the devil, and that he's in fact reading out loud from the journals of a dimwit friend of Constantine's that said stygian lord had killed at the end of the last issue. The devil makes a rude comment about the pretentious drivel striving for effect, sets the book down, and gets to his eeevil business.
The writer was taking the piss. It was beautiful.
It was then that I knew I loved Garth Ennis and wanted to have his foulmouthed babies.
Oh God, my perinium...
I've had a razor wire snake buried inside my bowels.
Not a nice feeling boys...
I've heard of people being "jacked up", but always as a description, never as an action. Someone gets in a bad car wreck or gets his ass stomped in a most humiliating way, he got "jacked up", and usually he deserved it.
"Man, did you hear about Hood?"
"Nah, what happened?"
"He was hitting on Grubbs' girlfriend."
"Shit. What happened?"
"Grubbs kicked his ass."
"How bad?"
"Hood got jacked up, man."
And so on and so forth. That convorsation took place at least three times a weekend at my high school.
"I can sense him, like a viper of burning razor wire uncoiling in my guts! There, at the back of the club, it's...hey, waitaminute, isn't that Mister Sinister? Aw, crap, has my book been sucked into this year's bloated XrossOverEvent?"
A work of this greatness could only inspire something equally grand; Blade Trinity.
MY EYES!!
This book could have been an adaptation of the movie and still not be nearly as awesome. You know what's missing? Here's a hint, it begins with a "K" and ends with "riss Kristofferson"
...he has a special designated crotch cape to match the cape under his arms and on his back
Actually, if you look closely, you'll see that the crotch cape is an optical illusion. Down near the point, the edges of his standard-issue shoulder-cape just happen to line up with his mighty, cabled, undead leg-thews. And even if it was in front, there's no need to invent a word for it -- it'd be a loincloth.
The thing that kills me is how potentially interesting the Midnight Sons comics could have been, even if they do sound like stories about harlot-babies.
I'd love to see a stronger, contemporary crack at it.
I think the first Blade film in particular epitomizes Blade's potential as a mainstream comics character, and sadly, I don't think Chaykin and co are going to live up to that.
It looks like it harkens back more to this era of comic, even if it isn't as pungent.
I love the fact that someone as allegedly creepy and evil as Dracula owes more here to Cirque Du Soliel than to Transylvania.
Now how can I have a good night after seeing Dracula with his crotch cape? Better pick up a copy of the Wolfman/Colan series while my vision is still intact!!!
Stupid Dracula. Those aren't women, they're sex dolls. Just look at the mouths. A vampire is the last person who should be messing with inflatable dates.
God, that artwork is just horrible. I hope they didn't keep the 3rd-grader who drew it up on a school night.
The Midnight Sons would have been a lot cooler if they'd added Midnight Sun. And gotten rid of almost everything else.
"And so on and so forth. That convorsation took place at least three times a weekend at my high school."
You'd think Hood would learn to stay away from Grubbs' girlfriend.
I'd just like to say that comparing the brilliance of the artistic soul that is John Lennon to the low base material they use for Blade is a disgrace.
"I am the Walrus" is one of my boy-friends favourite tracks.
I think the line is icky but its supposed to be icky. Where as the line "...a viper of burning razor wire uncoiling in my guts!" was obviously written by a deranged 123 year old trying to be kewl.
Love you all
Lin
I second the call for more reviews of awful '90s comics.
One thing I'm starting to realize in retrospect is just how *ugly* that period was. Not only in terms of horrible artwork, or unlikeable characters, though those were huge elements of the period. But also in terms of simple design and art direction and logos and all that sort of thing. Even if the drawing was better, that'd still be one ugly cover.
Every time I look back at these books I picture Tom Mandrake and Bernie Wrightson crying over a bottle of whisky, occasionally picking up the phone to beg for some inking work.
LOL re: Tom Mandrake inking.
The cover IS horrible. Who picked those fonts? And the line "guess who wins!" is totally lost at the bottom. Maybe it was Intern Day when they were doing the cover.
According to the Comic Book Database, the art in this book is by Doug Wheatley, who's been doing some much much much better looking artwork in Dark Horse's STAR WARS books of late.
Coloring is by Tom Ziuko, who appears to have ended his career with this book. I guess he didn't take well to computer coloring. All his previous credits were in the 80s and up to the early 90s.
(Wait, there's one or two credits at the end of the 90s, but they didn't lead anywhere.)
If the bit at the club inspired the first Blade movie, the crappy ass Dracula must have helped inspire the smelly pile that was Blade Trinity. That was Dracula in that right?
The best bit was where they had a sword fight, and it managed to be about 37.5 times less interesting and cool than the sword fight in the first movie.
If the bit at the club inspired the first Blade movie, the crappy ass Dracula must have helped inspire the smelly pile that was Blade Trinity. That was Dracula in that right?
The best bit was where they had a sword fight, and it managed to be about 37.5 times less interesting and cool than the sword fight in the first movie.
"According to the Comic Book Database, the art in this book is by Doug Wheatley, who's been doing some much much much better looking artwork in Dark Horse's STAR WARS books of late."
Looks like one of those cases of an otherwise decent artist sacrificing his real style for something more Liefeld-like, since that was what the kidz were all buying at the time. Like what happened to Herb Trimpe.
What editors could have possibly written a check to these people?
"'According to the Comic Book Database, the art in this book is by Doug Wheatley, who's been doing some much much much better looking artwork in Dark Horse's STAR WARS books of late.'
Looks like one of those cases of an otherwise decent artist sacrificing his real style for something more Liefeld-like, since that was what the kidz were all buying at the time."
Here's what I think: Doug was just starting out in comics, and faux-Liefeld was maybe all he could do. He's had a bit of practice since then, hence the improvement. He wasn't ready to be a comic-book artist when he did Blade, but in the 90's boom, Marvel (and others) were putting out so many books they couldn't afford to be as choosy as they should have been. This strategy cost them in the long run. (duh.)
While Marvel was a completely barren wasteland from the time Peter David left Hulk (or else insert your x-books jumping-off-point here, mine was Fatal Attractions) to the Busiek relaunch of the Avengers-- having been driven off the edge of a cliff by the Spider-Man Clone Saga, the Liefeld-McFarlane revolution in general and X-Force in particular-- I remember having a fine mid-to-late 90s in the comics shops:
Sandman
Icon
Static
Blood Syndicate
Chase
Kingdom Come
Spectre (Ostrander-Mandrake version)
Books of Magic
Sandman Mystery Theater
Starman
some stretches of Hellblazer
some stretches of Swamp Thing
most stretches of the Legion books
some stretches of Robin
some stretches of Flash
none of which had Dracula in a crotch cape...
I think a word needs to be said about the Midnight Suns-era Doctor Strange comics. And that word needs to be 'Yikes.' The judges will also accept a long, anguished 'NOOOOOOOO!'
Seriously, those are the worst comics that I actually own (out of loyalty to Doc), and they're currently sitting in the closet with other, better comics on top of them so that anyone who might look in the closet can't see the things.
Even my blind Doctor Strange loyalty couldn't keep me reading when they tried to make him 'hip' by giving him long hair and sunglasses. They also turned the cloak of levitation into more of a bathrobe of levitation. Jerks.
I have to say that I own every issue of that series and was VERY upset when they just cut off the last story arc. I was a young kid and I realized that my favourite comics might not be very popular or good for that matter.
Anyway, love the walk down memory lane.
Just when you thought you could always use Dracula when you are falling towards comic-rock-bottom, you see this and start using non-descript "aliens" or Communists. Or Nazis. Or Terrorists.
verif:
ksvket-
I think I got this one before!
Its the Russian Dracula!
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