Off-Topic: Meme mia!

I am breaking a sacred vow that I made to myself by candlelight on the storm-lashed night this blog was born: a vow that I would never do those meme things. You know, questions that get passed virally from blog to blog. I was resistant to doing a meme thing primarily because I dislike the word "meme."

meme, n. A unit of cultural information, such as a cultural practice or idea, that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another

However, Graeme from Fanboy Rampage tagged me, so meme I must. I fear his power.

Here we go:

1. Ten years ago: One night ten years ago I tried a homeopathic remedy for my nasty sinus infection. The remedy involved creating a warm solution of garlic and salt water and basically inhaling it. I thought that the recipe didn't call for nearly enough garlic, so I pressed a large amount of garlic into the solution and I snorted it... and began to scream. It felt like my brain was on fire! My roomates could only watch helplessly as I writhed around on the kitchen floor, crying and screaming, snot running out of my nose. Even through the excruciating pain, I thought it was funny, so I was alternating between shrieking in pain and laughing hysterically. After five minutes of squirming agony, I staggered into the bathroom and plunged my head under the tub faucet.

Clearly I had used way too much garlic.

2. Five years ago: During the feverish ramp-up to our wedding, I was unceremoniously laid off from my job at Nordstrom World HQ mere weeks before the nuptials.

3. One year ago: I was working on getting accepted to Western Washington University’s teacher certification program. I was, but after a few quarters I decided it wasn’t for me and I dropped out.

4. Yesterday: Worked until 7 PM, missed the frickin’ 7:30 ferry to Bainbridge Island, ate two chili dogs while I waited for the 8:20 boat, gave my wife a kiss and my little girl a bath, passed out, snored.

5. Today: Work, facilitated a hellish meeting, checked the sites & blogs I visit daily, stressed about lateness of Velvet Marauder posts.

6. Tomorrow: Work, strangle drifter, wash car.

7. Five snacks I enjoy: Watermelon, Pringles, pretzels, Jolly Ranchers, red licorice.

8. Five bands I know the lyrics of most of their songs: Led Zeppelin, Ice T, Talking Heads, The Police, and um… the David Lee Roth era Van Halen. It’s not something I’m proud of.
9. Five things I would do with $100,000,000: Travel, buy land in Montana, set up college funds, quit my job, buy clothes, orbital death ray. I know, that’s six.

10. Five locations I'd like to run away to: Scotland, The Dempster Highway up in the Arctic Circle, a shark cage off the coast of South Africa, Tokyo, Paris.

11. Five Bad Habits: Scratching crotch, denial, redundancy, eating junk, and redundancy.

12. Five things I like doing: Writing, talking about stuff, making my wife or daughter laugh, looking at stars, going on action-packed road trips.

13. Five TV shows I like: Battlestar Galactica, Firefly… Do they have to be current shows? Twin Peaks, Samurai Sportsman, and fucking Airwolf!

14. Famous People I'd like to meet, living or dead: Military historian John Keegan, The Red Baron, Admiral Horatio Nelson, Lee Harvey Oswald, Teddy Roosevelt, explorer Ernest Shackleton, Abe Lincoln, Northwest Mounted Police officer Sam Steele, and Shatner. Always Shatner.

15. Biggest joys at the moment: Being creative and writing and shit.

16. Favorite toys: My mind, man! My mind.

17. Five people to tag: Neilalien, because he won’t do it; Scipio of the Absorbascon; Dan Coyle, because he would have to make a blog to answer the questions; Washington State Governor Christine Gregoire; and those dicks who keep spamming in my comments.