Today we're beginning a new feature here at Dave's Long Box, Superhero Tactics 101, which will spotlight different combat maneuvers used by superheroes in an effort to better understand, and thus mock them.
When you're a superhero, sometimes shit gets crazy. Sometimes, when you really need to take that sonuvabitch villain down, when you really need to get the job done - that's right...
...you have to ram them with your neck!
The classic Neck Ramming maneuver is fairly simple. The hero flies at high speed at the target, head down, and rams the target with the back of his/her neck. That's about it.
It never works.
I know. It came as a shock to me, too. But after extensive research into Neck Ramming, I discovered that never - not once, ever- has any superhero put a villain down by Neck Ramming them. The statistics are grim for Neck Ramming advocates. Better news on the henchman front, though; studies show that Neck Ramming has proven effective 60% of the time against henchmen and goons.
Still, it's not nearly as effective as the Two-Fisted Strike with Interwoven Fingers.
33 comments:
Ah, the Two-Fisted Strike with Interwoven Fingers..
In some geographic areas, (with my friends anyway), we call it the 'Double Jimmy®' to honor James Kirk in his fight with the Gorn.
I don't recall Kirk ever using his neck, except to woo the ladies, of course!
Have you seen the covers for this month's "Sacrifice" event in the Superman books? It looks like Superman's trying the dreaded "elbowing someone in line" move!
I always thought that cover looked more like Supes was being thrown at Doomsday involuntarily, rather than hitting Doomsday with his neck, as an intentional grand offensive maneuver.
I like how the 4 covers for that storyline all feature the same awkward ska dance pose, but with different characters. They should do a series of covers with Superman "dirty dancing" with Darkseid or maybe doing lambada, the forbidden dance with Metallo. I'd buy them.
And Gar, I am going to steal "Double Jimmy" from you. That's brilliant.
Speaking of Trek, in honor of the late, great, James Doohan, someone should scan that page from Bendis' Total Sell Out where Bendis is sitting w/Doohan as he waves to fans saying "Beam me up, Scotty!"
Bendis says, "Wow, that's really nice of you to wave to everyone like that.
Doohan replies, "Not really, I hate the little bastards. Beam this up, ya fuckers."
I think I've actually seen some forward neck-ramming too somewhere, probably in a Liefeld comic.
Oh god. I'm in a crummy mood today and I want so badly to make a Christopher Reeve joke, but I know I'd regret it.
Well, I wouldn't, not really, but it would bring unwanted ire down on me, I suspect, and I don't want that.
Plus I don't really have a joke. I was pretty much going to point and giggle and say "Christopher Reeve."
I'm gonna stop now.
Forward-neck ramming in a Liefeld comic? Given Liefeldian anatomy, wouldn't that necessarily be breast-ramming (whether the rammer is male or female...)
Attack a villain with my neck? It's so crazy..it just. might. work.
That's Cartoon Cliche #2!
Would the 'Dramatic-Utterance-Before-Striking' fall into this discussion? Y'know, before ramming an opponent with your neck or delivering the 'Double Jimmy', you'd bellow "For Thanagar!" or "The kid gloves are off!" or "Damn you, I loved that chimp!"
I've seen this done with the 'Outrageously Telegraphed Haymaker', which has been used by hero and damsel-in-distress alike.
Ah, the Dramatic-Utterance-Before-Striking, most commonly employed of course, by the mighty Thor, my particular favourite being "I say thee NAY!!!" shortly before twatting someone with Mjolnir.
'I say thee NAY!!!'...wow, I'm about to let my geek show in a major way, as I admit that I've actually said that phrase to my kids from time to time.
That's right, gang! Keep your kids in line by quoting Thor (just don't swing a hammer at them!)
Thou shalt share thine Legos with yonder playmate, or by Od's beard and Hela's icy kiss - YOU - WILL - FALLL!!!!
Just as long as you don't dive into the local community swimming pool screaming "FOR THE GLORY OF ASGARD!!!" you should be okay...
Could you imagine Thor giving "the talk" to his kids. :)
It can also be a tad embarrassing to bellow "FOR ASGARD!" at the point of climax.
Or so I hear.
Take a look at Superman's foot in that cover. For one thing, it's way too small and narrow (unless one assumes that evolution has deemed a body-supporting appendage useless for a man who doesn't have to stand) and it has that weird toe shape that Bart Sears used to love to draw in his WIZARD art column. But it occurs to me that Doomsday may not be Superman's concern here. In actuality, it appears that he is using his neck against Doomsday's chest as leverage to either kick himself in the nuts or shove his heel in his ass. Mxyzptlk up to his old mischief, I guess.
And if you think "For Asgard!" is a poor choice for the bedroom, I definitely pity the woman who has to keep hearing "For Odin!" several times a night.
As a woman, I love buzzing in here and listening to you guys talk. It's just like when I was eight years old and my childhood playmate would point to comic book superheroes and say things like, "Wow! Her butt's just like an orange," or "She could poke you in the eye!"
And then I read:
And if you think "For Asgard!" is a poor choice for the bedroom, I definitely pity the woman who has to keep hearing "For Odin!" several times a night.
Several? You guys and your superhero dreams.
LOL Maybe he meant several times a month -that sounds more acurate!
As the kids today say, "Oh, SNAP!"
Hey, the guy's a god. And not the red-haired ogre of the Thor of legend, but a sun-haired, golden-skinned, blue-eyed Adonis (with a winged helmet that I'm sure must drive all the girls wild with lust). "Several" is practically a slow night for our thunderer. Besides, it's in the Code of Godhood to have outrageous virility. Look at all the crazy-ass stuff Zeus used to do, like turn himself into dildos and a rain of sperm, as though he were a horny Wonder Twin ("Form of...a condom! Shape of...a toilet!"). So enhanced stamina isn't even something worth bragging about over a mug of mead with the other gods.
Though Thor must have a lot of fun with that mortal/god bodyswitch thing Mjolnir does. World's second freakiest threesome (next to Captain Marvel, of course. THAT is truly bizarre).
All together, folks....
"Sorrrrry, Mrs. Campbell!"
Guess some of the folks forgot that your mom reads your blog, Dave.
Which Captain Marvel? I mean, at least Rick Jones is of legal age. If Shazam ever gets any, that's bordering on statuatory rape.
Blimey, we've lowered the tone dramatically, haven't we?
Of course, by "we" I mean "me"
hey Dave, I have a recommendation for you.
Batman: Scottish Connection , or
JLA: Earth 2
- both drawn by the superb Frank Quitely
I 'll explain.
1) Since this blog is American superhero-centric and some of the latest posts referred to lame art, or the hero or villain behaving like idiots, it's only natural you should balance such comics with the exact opposites (Earth-2 style), both in art and script.
2) more people should witness the panel in Earth-2 where a close-up in Batman's mask/cowl reveals a thicker lens descending and fully covering the white eye-slit, prior to a flash-bang grenade exploding and thus blinding some nameless-thugs.
A fine example of kick-ass and ingenious superhero storytelling.
3) The cinematic moments can provide an excellent antidote to neck-ramming antics, Liefieldian anatomy and the oxymoron of a low budget, talking heads superhero story.
4) Frank Quitely is god. He draws a mean Batman, as well as some of the most kick-ass Batman moments ever.
Why is it that every time I post here, I somehow always end up talking like a pimp? It's Dave's fault, honestly! He keeps triggering my Freudian proclivities with his posts!
Superman's Neck Attack = Thor, God of Sweet Lovin'
C'mon! Who wouldn't make that connection? Err...maybe I should stop now...
Seconded for Earth2. It takes a while to get used to Quitely, and I still think the plot of the book is a bit dodgy, but it's a great read.
I go away for a day and you people get OUT OF CONTROL!
I loves me the Earth-2, and pretty much anything Quitely, so I'll put that in the queue.
How about Quitely's much-forgotten superhero/delta blues thingie for Dark Horse? Blackjack or something.
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